It was silly, really, but as he used the various machines in the home gym, he was conscious of how his efforts made him look as much as how they made him feel. He grunted with his last rep, letting the weights fall into place, and lay panting on the bench.
Legs encased in sweatpants came into view before Damien crouched down beside him. He smiled. “Hey, Alun, don’t push yourself too hard, dude. You’re going to strain a muscle or something.”
Alun shoved to a sitting position and grabbed his water bottle. “I’m used to working through pain.” He took a long slug of the cool water, marveling still at how wonderful it was to take something like having a drink when he wanted to for granted again.
Damien frowned. “Yeah, I know, but that’s not how it’s supposed to work.” His expression softened. “I know you’re worried about Merlin. We’ll get him back. There’s not much that Alex and his crew can’t accomplish when they put their minds to it.” Patting Alun on the knee, he stood and wiped his own sweaty face with a towel that hung around his neck.
The casual and unexpected touch didn’t upset him or startle him as it once would have. Alun was proud to have made that much progress in such a short period of time. “Thanks, like,” he said, before drinking more water. “I’m not sure what I’m training for. I don’t think I’m going to be doing any actual fighting. I expect the warriors won’t want me along.”
“You got that fucking right.” This from Quinn, who stormed into the room.
All the human boys except Mackie were already there. Demi was a blur of movement on the treadmill. Everyone stopped what they were doing and focused on Quinn as he paced into the middle of the room and scowled.
“What’s this?” Jase, usually the most quiet and level-headed of them, demanded as he let go of the weight bar he was pulling.
“I’ve been eavesdropping on the big strategy meeting about the rescue in Alex’s office,” Quinn replied.
Brenin came around from the speed bag he’d been pummeling. “What? Why? I thought that was just Val and a few others figuring out where Dracul is holed up. I assumed we’ll all get briefed once they’ve ironed it out.”
“You’d think, wouldn’t you? But I’ve been getting these weird vibes from Alex lately, especially when I bring up how I want to feed from him as much as possible to get stronger before we attack.”
“That’s what we’re all doing here,” Damien commented. “Will has seemed fine with everything.”
Quinn focused on him. “Yeah, well, he would, because he’s not the one making the decisions. Alex has been acting different since the raid on the club. He holds me like he’s never going to let me go, then in the next second, it’s like he’s pulling away from me. It’s been freaking me out. So, I went to listen in.”
Demi, his face shiny from his running, came over, too. “You used the vents again, huh?”
“Yup. They still haven’t figured out that sound carries, and with my enhanced senses, I can hear way better than before.”
“And?” Jase prompted.
Quinn’s face twisted with fury. “And they’re going to leave every one of us behind.” He turned to Demi. “Trey’s staying, along with Anderson and Kitty, to protect Annika and Mackie.” He looked at Alun. “You and Lucien are stuck here, too, I assume, although no one actually mentioned you by name.”
Alun stared at the floor, unsure of how he felt about that information. He hadn’t really expected to be included in the attack on Dracul’s lair, and yet his son was there. Didn’t that give him some right to participate?
“If Trey’s staying, I want to be by his side.” This from Demi.
“Alex’s very thought. And, of course, your man is happy to remain behind if it means keeping you safe.”
Demi sighed. “Fair play to them. Their strategy is working.”
Jase said, “Mackie has to stay, given his condition. He won’t like it, but he’ll agree.”
Quinn nodded. “Sure, we all get that. But Alex said that me, you, Damien and Brenin are also on the no-fly list, whether we like it or not.”
Damien huffed. “And we fucking don’t. Where does he get off telling us to stay behind like we’re little kids or something? We’re all stronger than we’ve ever been—and with Val’s training, we are prepared to fight. Dracul’s army is only made up of humans, after all. It’s not like we’d be going against aliens. I’m ready for a little one-on-one action,” he added, flexing his biceps. Of all of them, he was the biggest.
“I’m not.” Jase’s quiet admission had them all going silent for a few seconds. “It doesn’t matter how big and strong I get, fighting isn’t in my nature. You all know my history,” he added, with both his gaze and his voice dropping.
Alun knew bits and pieces of each of the boy’s pasts. Jase had been much like him, enslaved and abused from a young age. It wasn’t easy to shake off that kind of start in life. He felt a kinship with Jase and it couldn’t be easy admitting his limitations in the midst of such righteous indignation from the others.
It was Damien who offered some solace, putting his hand on the other boy’s shoulder. “No one thinks of you as being weak, Jase, just because you couldn’t fight what happened to you when you were so young. You shouldn’t go, either, if you don’t feel as if you can contribute effectively.”
Jase sniffed and looked at the others. “I don’t want to be a weakness for Emil. If he’s worried about keeping tabs on me, then he’ll put himself at greater risk. He might not see danger heading his way if he’s distracted.”
Alun felt the need to bolster the boy’s position. Standing, he said, “He’s right. The last thing any of you should want to do is become a liability and jeopardize your men’s lives. None of us are warriors, no matter how hard we train.” He glanced at his own arms, at their lean strength, and found them lacking compared to the massive ones of the aliens.
“That may be,” Brenin huffed, “but we’ve helped before. Right?” He looked around at his friends, who were wearing different expressions, from anger to fear to sadness.
“Not like this,” Jase countered. “We’ve helped, been on the sidelines, been in danger. None of us lacks courage, that’s for sure. But this is Full Metal Jacket time. We have to be able to kill because, if we go, that’s what’s going to happen—and not with aliens who turn to dust as soon as they die. We’ll be killing our own, with blood and gore splattering us. It’s not like a video game, guys.”
“No one thinks it is,” Damien snapped.
Jase gave him the side-eye. “Are you sure about that? This whole thing has always seemed like a fantasy—aliens, vampires, blood-sucking. The only way I stay grounded is by Emil’s love. Sometimes, when it all starts to freak me out, I touch him and make him look me in the eye. What I see in there settles me and the rest melts away.”
Jase left the huddle to sit heavily on the bench of one of the machines, then stared at his feet. “I’m relieved, honestly. I’ve been hoping Emil would simply tell me I couldn’t go. This way, even he doesn’t have to be the heavy. Alex is.” Lifting his gaze to the others, he added, “I want to do what I can to protect Annika and Mackie. I won’t hesitate to kill if necessary. I’m just not cut out to go marching into battle. Sorry.”