Josie smiled. “No need to be sorry. You’ve been really helpful.”
Paige and Lana chatted for a few more minutes while Josie finished her coffee. Paige walked her to the door. Before Josie could open it, Paige said, “I’m sorry we weren’t more help.”
“It’s no problem,” Josie said. “I actually enjoyed being here. It’s been a tough few days. You and Lana are good company.”
Paige said, “You don’t have to leave, you know. You’re welcome to stay. Talk, if you’d like. I’m a pretty good listener.” With a laugh, she gestured toward the other side of her house where Josie knew her office was located.
“Oh,” Josie said. “I don’t—I’m not—therapy isn’t really for me.”
“It’s usually the people who say that who could benefit from it the most, you know,” Paige said, a warm smile on her face.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate,” Josie said. “I went to high school with your daughter. I’m here about a case…”
Paige nodded. “Fair enough. But we could just talk. I’ll go first. Sometimes I worry that Lana doesn’t believe me when I tell her how proud I am of her because I am always so concerned about her safety and her health. I feel like a terrible mother. I am proud of her, but I wish she was here, closer to me, not half a world away in an underdeveloped country. It’s selfish and yet, sometimes I can’t help it. But I really am proud of what she’s doing. I think she’s amazing.”
“Have you told her that?”
Paige laughed. “Of course. We’ve fought about it many times. I don’t think she believes anything I say at this point. I’ve lost all credibility. Remember when you were a teenager and you would go through stages where nothing felt right? You felt awkward and maybe a little ugly, and your mom—”
“My grandmother,” Josie corrected, her voice catching on the word.
Paige nodded. “Your grandmother. Maybe she told you that you were beautiful and perfect? Did you believe her?”
In fact, Lisette had used those very words on several occasions, as well as many others. Her favorite thing to tell Josie in those low teenage moments of self-esteem crisis was that Josie was “extraordinary.”
“No,” Josie said. “I didn’t believe her for one second. But I’m glad she said it.”
Paige nodded. She looked at the floor, smiling. Suddenly wanting to fill the silence, Josie said, “My grandmother gave me some news yesterday, and I’m not really handling it all that well. I don’t want to talk about it because—” She broke off.
Paige said, “Because then you’ll have to deal with it.”
Josie nodded.
“Is she okay? Your grandmother?”
“Oh, yes,” Josie answered. “It’s not anything medical. Actually, for her, it’s great news.”
“But not for you?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s not bad for me. It just changes things.”
“In a bad way?” Paige asked.
Josie shrugged. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“Change is scary but it isn’t always bad, you know,” Paige told her.
It is if you get left out in the cold, said a voice in the back of Josie’s mind. She didn’t say it out loud. She didn’t want to, but she felt she should tell Paige something true, something borne of her own vulnerability, since Paige had done so. Also, she felt comfortable with Paige. Perhaps it was because she didn’t know every horrifying detail of Josie’s past already. Right here, right now, in this moment, Josie was just a woman with an issue, not a damaged person whose childhood had been filled with unspeakable torture.
“I’m afraid I’ll be… left behind,” Josie said carefully. “It was always just me and my grandmother. Us against the world, sort of. There used to be Ray too.”
“Your boyfriend from high school?” Paige asked. “I remember you discussing him with Lana the other day.”
“Yes. After college we got married. Then he died. My grandmother and I have been through so much together, including his death. Now there’s—” She stopped. She didn’t even want to say it. It couldn’t be real, could it? Had she imagined the entire conversation? Gretchen hadn’t been there to overhear it. Was she in some kind of fever dream? No; Lisette had called Noah, warned him about the bombshell. Now he and Misty were waiting for some dramatic emotional reaction from her, and yet, she still couldn’t believe it was really true. “Now someone has come forward and says that he’s her grandson. No one knew about him. He didn’t know about her either until recently.”
Paige said, “That’s wonderful that they could get to know one another.”
“It is,” Josie agreed. No matter what her own feelings were about the situation, she would never deny her grandmother happiness, especially not the happiness that came from finding a family member after having lost so many. Josie remembered her own joy at being reunited with her biological family. No matter how uncomfortable the situation made her or how territorial she felt over Lisette, this was and should be an exceptionally happy time for both Lisette and Sawyer. Josie knew this in her heart, and she knew that she needed to get past her own feelings. They didn’t really matter. What mattered was Lisette and her happiness.
Paige said, “But you’re worried that you’ll no longer matter now that there’s another grandchild in the picture?”
Josie laughed. “That sounds ridiculous. I’m sorry. This was a bad idea.”
Paige touched her arm. “No, it’s not ridiculous.”
Josie pulled away. “It is. I’m a grown woman. This is just silly. I can’t be worried that someone else is going to take my place with my grandmother. I’m not a five-year-old.” She went to the door and twisted the knob, pulling the door open.
“Josie,” Paige said, her voice firmer. “No one is suggesting you’re a five-year-old. I think it’s a valid concern that your dynamic with your grandmother might change now. In fact, it will change, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
Josie stepped through the door. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—thanks for the coffee. I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”
Forty-Three
Back at the stationhouse, the holding cells were empty, and the team was gathered in the great room. Josie walked over to her desk. “I guess Chitwood let the wives out of holding?”
“Yeah,” Noah said. “Things seem to have been smoothed over with the Quail Hollow people, although the Mayor is pretty pissed about everything being covered by the press. I’m sure she’ll be up all night with her people trying to figure out a way to spin it. What did Lana Rosetti say?”
“Nothing that we can use,” Josie said with a sigh.
Noah said, “Hummel couldn’t pull prints from the casings found at the abandoned bowling alley, but he’s sending them on to the state police lab for ballistics testing.”
“Which could take weeks,” Josie complained. “If not months, and even then, it will only tell us if the same gun killed both Beverly and Vera. It doesn’t get us any closer to finding out the identity of the killer. I’m not sure where to go from here.”