“Thanks.” I pick up my spoon, but Trent takes it from my hand. He scoops up a generous amount of cake and brings it to my lips. As I try to wrap my lips over the enormous bite, it’s hard to fight the smile. Crumbs and icing stick to my lips as I chew the sweet and fluffy cake. I’m giggling to myself, so I don’t even notice that Trent has moved closer, until I feel his warm tongue against my lips. His eyes close as he licks the sweet frosting. The low moan that comes from him has my heart racing, and my stomach doing a flip.
Trent Randall should come with a warning. Do not attempt this ride if you suffer from a heart condition. The anticipation before the ride begins is both exhilarating and terrifying. I know he’s going to take me to new heights and then send me crashing down.
I shouldn’t, though. I should get off this ride before it starts and go home. He pulls back from me and opens his eyes. Those gorgeous aqua blue eyes stare intently into mine. His eyelids are heavy with lust. His full lips spread apart, but I hold up a hand stopping him from speaking.
“What about Maggie?”
The right corner of his lip curves up. “Did you think I was cheating on her?”
I harden my voice. “Answering my question with a question. Ha, that’s an answer enough.” I stand up, but he grabs my wrist before I can walk away. His body slides against mine as he stands.
“Maggie and I broke up.”
“Again?”
“We were never really back together.”
“Another one of y’all’s little lovers’ spats?”
He releases a humorless chuckle and wraps his strong arms around me. Before I can further my point, that they’ve done this before and we’ve done this before, he silences me with his lips. There’s my answer. We’ve done this before. This exact same scenario. It’s just a different day. The outcome will be the same, so I should stop this now. My head is screaming at me to pull away, but my heart beats wildly with joy, encouraging me to hold on and not let go.
He deepens the kiss, and I’m lost to him. I allow him to lead me to his bedroom. Warning: May cause accelerated heartrate and emotional intensity. This could lead to heartache and guilt.
Yet, here I am, getting back on the ride, knowing it’s only a quick thrill. When it’s over, I’ll be left with messy hair, a rapid pulse, and my emotions turned inside out. I just hope my heart can handle it.
I could keep driving. Just keep driving and driving, until I reach the ocean. It’d be a nice change of scenery from the Midwest farmlands. It’s not as crazy as my current situation of becoming a college freshman at seventeen… at the same university as my lifelong crush and dead best friend’s older brother. Maybe if I drive long enough and far enough, I can drive the pain away. Sometimes the pain, like right now, is too much that I feel like I’m suffocating. But I know if I keep driving, I’ll still be doing the same thing I’m doing now—running away. I only hope this way I’m running away from the pain and to some sort of peace. Even though Alice is a constant reminder of Landon, in a way, she’s kind of a comfort as well. Little things she does, whether she realizes it or not, are some of his same mannerisms.
Landon Randall had been my partner-in-crime since our elementary days. We’d been so close, most people thought we were brother and sister. Especially since his parents welcomed me into their family, and I was at their home more than my own. When we got older, everyone swore we were destined to marry. So much for destiny. Fate had other plans. Back in the spring, Landon and another boy, Luke Jamerson, were fighting on a bridge. Our town isn’t that big; it mostly consists of farm land and back roads, but there are still two schools—a private school and a public school. Luke went to the private school, but knew Landon from being close friends with Trent. Luke was also the town’s golden boy, but, in reality, a huge jerk. Landon never came out that he was gay. His one boyfriend, he’d had in secret, went to school with Luke, but after being bullied so badly by him, he left town. That day on the old country bridge Landon and Luke were both drunk. Words were shared and then it got physical. They fell over the side of the bridge during their fight. Neither one survived.
I turn up the radio, in a lame attempt to drown out my thoughts. But nothing I do will help me escape the ache. Not when love never dies and memories don’t fade. Landon has been gone for months now, but the pain is so fresh that, most days, I don’t know if I’ll survive it. How much more can I bear?
The music in my car temporarily pauses and then is replaced with the sound of my ringtone coming through the speaker. I accept the call from Alice. Her sweet voice fills the car. “How much longer do I get the room all to myself?”
I glance at the radio clock. “About another twenty minutes.”
“Twenty? What time did you leave?”
“I have a weak bladder, shut up! Enjoy your time now because, when I get there, I’m taking over.” She laughs, giving me a much-needed reason to smile. I talk a big game, but I’m beyond nervous.
“I’m sure you’re going to own the whole campus, just like you did the high school, in no time. You remember how to get here, right?”
“Yeah, no worries.”
“Great. Trent and some friends invited us to go out for pizza tonight.”
Shit. Before I can voice an excuse, feigning tiredness or low funds or any other excuse to get out of it, Alice continues, “I told them we’d meet them by six. My treat! So you’ll get here just in time.”
“I’m kind of tired…”
“I know. But we don’t have any food. It’ll be quick. Where are you now?”
“Just now coming up to my exit.”
“Okay. See you soon!”
“Yay.” My voice is coated with fake enthusiasm. “Bye.”
My welcoming committee will be Landon’s look alike, in female form, and his big brother. How can I run away from Landon’s ghost when I’m running toward the two biggest reminders of him? If that doesn’t prove my lack of self-preservation and common sense, I don’t know what does. Only two guys have ever broken my heart. Landon Randall and Trent Randall, but Landon died, so that wasn’t his fault.
If there was ever someone I needed to avoid, like the plague, to protect what’s left of my heart, it’s Trent. Yet, here I am, driving straight to him to eat pizza with him and friends. I bet Maggie will be there. I knew they’d get back together. Even if they aren’t officially together, if she’s around, they will get back together. I’m so stupid. Why did I sleep with him last night? In fact, after it happened, I left as soon as he went to the bathroom. When I rolled over in bed and saw a photo of him and Landon, as kids, hanging on the wall, I felt sick to my stomach and ran.
I should just keep driving. Keep driving until I’m far, far away from anything or anyone that reminds me of the Randall family.
When I finally reach the university, I pull into the campus parking lot. I take out my student badge and can’t stop myself from smiling. Despite everything, I’m doing this. At seventeen, I’m a college freshman. If I can graduate high school early and get accepted into a respectable university, I can do anything. I’m going to be okay. I’ve gotten this far on my own. Besides what else could possibly turn my life upside down? As soon as I think it, I realize I shouldn’t tempt fate.