“Don’t look too close, luv. Most of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is bullshit.”
“True.”
He ginned at her. “Now, we should be going.”
Poppy nodded and grabbed her purse along with her cell phone. There were no messages from Boone, but then she didn’t expect there’d be. So why was she staring at an empty screen as if some kind of betrayal had just happened?
Because I’m nuts, that’s why.
She tossed the cell into her purse and decided the mess on the bed would stay that way until later. Poppy followed Link out of her bedroom and told the doubt bunnies hanging off her shoulders to take a hike.
In a perfect world, they would have disappeared, but as it was, they didn’t listen.
Bastards.
Chapter Twenty-One
It was nearly seven when Boone swung by his mother’s with Benji and Mabel in tow. He’d barely come to a full stop before his kid was out the door with the dog bounding behind him like they belonged together. He took a second to watch them before they disappeared around the side of the house, no doubt in search of the tent his mom had promised to set up for another campout.
He walked inside and found his mother at the kitchen sink, staring out the window. She was washing something, vegetables, maybe, but didn’t turn when he closed the door. Or when he walked into the kitchen. In fact, it wasn’t until he got close to her that he realized she probably didn’t even know he was there.
Boone cleared his throat, and she jumped, turning quickly and reaching for a tea towel to dry her hands.
“Hey,” she said breathlessly. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
He strode over and gave her a kiss before peering out the window that overlooked the backyard, where Benji and Mabel were currently tearing up the place.
“How did you miss those two?
“Oh.” She turned back to the window. “Yes, I see them there.”
“Is everything all right?” he asked. Her eyes darted to his and then slid away. His mom seemed scattered, a lot like she’d been in those early days after his dad died.
“I’m fine.” But the words came out more like a question, and he leaned against the counter, watching her closely.
“You don’t seem fine.”
She ignored him, tossing the tea towel onto the counter, and retrieved the vegetables she’d been cleaning, then placed them in a bowl by the sink. “That’s Poppy’s dog.”
“Yep.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.”
He nodded. “I like her.”
His mother opened her mouth, but then closed it before speaking. Her eyes slid from his. Something was definitely wrong.
“What’s going on, Mom?”
HIs mother let out a long sigh and turned back to the window. She stared out at the backyard for a good long while and then spoke.
“Do you blame me, Boone?” Her voice was so quiet, he barely heard her, but the pain that laced her words was unmistakable.
“Blame you for what?” He frowned, not understanding her at all.
“For all of it.”
“I don’t know where you’re going with this.”
The water dripped from the faucet, and for a moment, it was all he heard until her soft voice cut through it. “Do you blame me for not leaving him?”
The words fell like stones between them. For the life of him, Boone had no way to answer that question without hurting his mother.
“For not taking you away from his hatred. For staying even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do.” Her voice shook now. “Do you blame me for being so fucking weak that I couldn’t protect my child from a monster whose words hit harder than his fists?”
Shocked, all Boone could do was stand there and stare at his mother, and the damn faucet kept dripping like a son of a bitch. He strode toward her, reached past, and yanked on the handle until the water stopped and silence fell around them once more.
He looked down at his mom, at the fresh tears making tracks down her cheeks, and pulled her into a fierce hug.
“I don’t anymore,” he said simply, offering up the most honest answer inside him.
Something broke open in his mother. She seemed to crumple, and he pulled her close as she cried, wailing sobs that almost had him in tears. He’d never seen her like this. Not even when his dad was after her and she was cowering in the corner, doing her best to avoid the fists she’d just spoken of.
“I’m so sorry,” she said abruptly, pulling herself away and reaching for the tea towel again. She dabbed at her eyes and eventually met his gaze once more. “I’ve just been doing some thinking, and I… Sometimes, it’s a lot.” Her voice broke. “Remembering. Wondering how different things would be for both of us if I’d have been stronger.”
“There’s no point. We can’t change the past. Dad was a cold-hearted bastard who didn’t want either one of us, and he sure as shit did his best to make us miserable. That last night…every single thing I said to him came from here.” Boone thumped his chest. “And I hope like hell he took it to the grave with him, because a man like that doesn’t deserve any kind of peace. He didn’t deserve you, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve me.”
Boone gave her a few seconds, but then he asked the one question that had burned inside him for years.
“Why didn’t you leave?”
Elise’s bottom lip trembled. “I was so young when I met him. He dazzled me with his money and attention. But then it all fell away, and everything got dark and mean. He was always so good at cutting a person down with his tongue. I started believing everything he said, and I guess I didn’t think I deserved better than what I got. To deal with it all, I closed myself off until my world consisted of you and your father. I lived for the moments of light you brought to me, because they were the only things that chased away the sadness in my heart.” She smiled then and placed her palm against his cheek. “I had you, so it wasn’t all bad.”
“But why are you feeling this way now? He’s been gone months, and we don’t need to pretend that he mattered to us anymore.”
“Some habits die hard, I suppose. I think I’m repeating old mistakes is all. Pushing when I should be pulling. I just don’t seem to be able to help myself.”
Boone didn’t know exactly what it was his mother was talking about, and he didn’t want to pry. He figured if she needed to talk, she’d let him in. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Mom.”
“I know.” Elise smoothed her hair and glanced outside. “How’d Benji do at practice?”
Boone couldn’t help but grin. “He did great. I mean, hell, it was his first time on skates, but by the end of the hour, he was flying up and down the ice.” More like shuffling, but hey, his kid kept his balance and hardly fell. “I think he’s going to like hockey as much as his old man.”
“Do you regret not pursuing your hockey scholarship?”
Yes.
“No. It’s what he wanted, and no way was I living his dream for him.”
She seemed to consider his words before she nodded toward the door. “You should go. You’re going to be late getting to the Jacobs’, and we don’t want Poppy to think anything is amiss.”