“And fall in love,” Jessica says.
I snap back to the present. “Why do you have to spoil my fantasy?” I pout. “You know that’s out of the cards for me. I’m not averse to an affair, though.”
“You don’t have the temperament for it,” Jessica says. “You’re the romantic type of woman. Happy ever after and all that—the best kind of woman.”
“I used to be. Not anymore. I’m done with marriage and relationships and all that soppy stuff.”
“Now that is sad,” Jessica says.
It’s difficult for someone who has never been hurt to imagine the damage a man does when he leaves you for another woman. The dent to a person’s self-esteem. The pain that comes in waves, never completely leaving. The proof that you’re not good enough and will never be.That there will always be another woman who is sexier, better than you. That is the kind of pain I will never allow myself to go through again. I don’t expect Jessica, with a man who worships the ground she walks on, and three sweet boys that think the sun shines from their mother’s rear end, to understand.
“Don’t let that worthless piece of shit spoil love for you. There are good men out there, Mila. You only need to find him.”
My lungs constrict, making it hard to breathe. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Like your upcoming trip,” Jessica says, her voice cheerful.
I love her for that. Her ability to know when to move on to less painful topics. She always knows when to push me and when to back off.
“I was thinking of LA. Forever sunny,” I say and lean back into my seat as the fantasy takes hold.
“You should go,” Jessica says. “Seriously. What’s stopping you? It’s a chance to get away from it all.”
We both know ‘it all’ is referring to my painter’s block, but mostly Clay. The more we talk about it, the more the idea grows. My heartbeat races and drums in my chest. By the time we are finished talking, I can’t wait to get off the phone and check out homes to rent in LA.
Chapter 2
Brad
“Hey, Brad, a couple of us are going out for a drink later, want to join us?” Ken, one of the guys asks me.
I shake my head regretfully. As much as I used to enjoy spending a few hours with the guys, those are things I’ve pushed to the back burner for now. Life as a single parent leaves you little time for socializing. I don’t miss it, though. My life now revolves around my boy, and I’m happy this way.
“Thanks, but no can do,” I reply cheerfully as I gather my gear.
“I can ask Debbie to keep Isaac a while longer; she won’t mind,” Collins says.
His wife picks up Isaac from kindergarten as she’s picking up their son and takes him home with her. I leave the fire station two hours later and go and pick him up from Debbie and Collins’ house.
“Thanks, I appreciate the offer, but I’m beat, to be honest,” I tell Collins and slap his shoulder.
I wave goodbye to the guys, pause briefly at the corner office to speak to the chief, and then I leave. I’m the only one of the firefighters in our station who works nine to five. All the other guys work in shifts. The chief arranged this for me after Brenda ran off with the neighbor, leaving me alone with a young baby.
It’s been a year and a half now, and I’m only just feeling like I’m healing. I don’t look at Mike’s house and want to tear it down anymore. I know I’m healing because I can think of Brenda without my heart shrinking in my chest. The pain is gone now, but where my heart used to be is a huge block of cement.
The only love I have belongs to Isaac. I turn the key, and the engine of the SUV roars to life. Minutes later, I’m driving towards Collins’ house, which, luckily, is only a few minutes from the station. I whistle, pleased that it’s Friday, my favorite day. I get to spend two whole days with Isaac.
Isaac must have been peering through the window because as soon as I pull up into the driveway, he bursts out of the house. Debbie’s dark head emerges, and she follows him to the car. I jump out of the car and laughingly catch Isaac as he throws himself against me. I hold him tight, and for a second, neither of us speaks.
“Hi, buddy,” I finally say as I lower him to the ground. My voice is gruff as it always is when I see Isaac after a few hours apart.
“Hi Dad,” he says and opens the door to enter the car.
“Brad.” Debbie comes to peck me on the cheek. “Isaac was eager for his dad today, and the boys are all looking forward to tomorrow’s training.”
I grin. “Me too.”
I coach little league every Saturday, something I enjoy doing, but it also keeps Isaac and I busy on Saturdays doing something constructive.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I tell Debbie and slip back into the car.
She waves and returns to the house. Isaac and I chat about his day on the way home.
“Look, Dad,” he says to me as I park in our driveway. “There’s a new neighbor.”
Our drive is between our house and Mike’s house. Or rather, what was Mike’s house before he and Brenda ran off together. I’ve trained myself not to look at it, but now I turn as I kill the engine. My breath hitches as I stare at the most incredible pair of legs I have ever seen.
Then, my gaze rises to her generous chest, and all the blood in my body drops to my cock. I’m glad to find that everything is working just fine down there because since Brenda left, I have never even looked at another woman sexually.
The woman is lying on a lounger on the front lawn. She’s wearing shorts and a white top with the tails tied under her tits accentuating their size. I swallow a ball of saliva and force myself to look away. We get out of the car, and she still doesn’t open her eyes to look our way.
I steal one last glance at her thighs, and then I propel Isaac toward the house. We’re both struck by the new neighbor, but our reasons are vastly different.
“I’ll get dinner started,” I tell Isaac once we’re in the house.
“Can I play with my ball outside?” he asks. “I’ll be in the front, and I won’t speak to strangers.”
I grin. He knows all my fears. “Okay, but keep the front door open and don’t go disturbing the new neighbor.”
“I won’t, Dad,” he says and bounds up to his room to get the ball.
In the kitchen, I roll up my sleeves and get to work. I’ve become quite the chef since Brenda left. Trying out new recipes has been one way of keeping myself occupied. Over the last year and a half, I’ve learned survival techniques that have nothing to do with being a firefighter.
Keeping busy is one of them, and ensuring that by bedtime, I’m so tired that it doesn’t take me more than a few minutes to fall asleep. The images of Brenda and Mike rolling around on Mike’s bed next door while I’m at work no longer haunt me.
On the day she left, she had been in a vicious mood, telling me all the gory details of their affair. She planted images that haunted me for almost a year. How she spent the night at his house when I was working the night shift and excruciating details of how Mike fucked her. Things that a man should never hear about his wife.
The only thing that had made me hang on to my sanity was Isaac. I’d been left without a wife, but Isaac had been left without a mother. He was three years old then, and after asking about her for months, he had abruptly stopped. We never speak about her. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad; I hate to bring it up and cause my boy more pain. I do wonder whether he has forgotten her in all his innocence. There’s no way to know without asking Isaac, and that is something I can’t bring myself to do.