“I really do, Beck,” she says, her eyes searching mine. “You don’t think I’m ready?”
“It’s not that. I know you’re ready. But I also don’t want anything to happen to you.” It’s as simple as that. She knows that fearing she could fall doesn’t mean I don’t believe in her. Even the best, most capable skateboarders take bad falls. It’s part of trying new tricks, pushing ourselves. My fingertips brush the edge of her underwear but I stop my hands from continuing. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell me not to do Shred Live.”
“But this isn’t the same. You didn’t even want to film the show, Beck. While I want more than anything to fly on my skateboard.”
I smile at that visual. “It’s similar enough. And you’re going to soar, Hotshot. Come on, go put those shorts on before I change my mind.”
I move my hands off her hips only to give her a little slap to get moving.
My lips press together as I catch just a twinge of disappointment, which is quickly replaced by one of my favorite Jordan looks: the pre-skateboarding-session anticipation.
If only there was a way to protect her while letting her fly. But that’s not how it works. Not with skateboarding, and not with the public presence I’ve established over the past year. As long as she’s not running away from either one, I’ll be here at her side, doing my best to keep her safe.
Chapter Three
Jordan
The house is mostly empty, with the roommates already at work. Lennon, who has been staying with Moses since Southskate Fest a few weeks ago, is already out back skateboarding. When she spots us, she skates in our direction with a wave. “Hey guys. I’ll head in so you’ve got the park to yourselves.”
I think Lennon is just as uncertain about where she stands with Moses as the rest of us are. She’s been super respectful of our space, to the point where I wish she would just relax a little and accept that we’re cool with her being here. Beck seems to agree because he tells her she doesn’t have to head in.
“It’s cool, I could use a break, but I’ll come back out in a bit. I’m going to make a smoothie, you guys want some too?”
“Definitely! I was too excited to get on my board so I skipped breakfast.”
“Perfect.”
As Lennon goes inside, Beck asks, “You want to warm up on the trampoline? Maybe you can get your upside-down mojo going again.”
I give his arm a light punch. “I thought you said you weren’t going to hold me back,” I tease. “Or is that what you meant when you said I was ready to soar?”
“All right, I won’t stall anymore.” He tilts his head to the side. “Just give me a kiss. I didn’t get one yet this morning. Then go do your thing, Hotshot.”
I’ve been torn between kissing him and skateboarding since my eyes opened this morning, so with that suggestion, my hand reaches for the back of his neck, pulling him down to me. I make it a good one too, knowing I won’t get distracted from my goal with the park right here and my board at my feet. When I pull away, I find Beck’s eyes are darkening and he looks a little dazed. Good, maybe he’ll at least be a little distracted now. I know he’s worried for me and I don’t blame him. But I also know this is something I can’t put off any longer, or it will only become a bigger obstacle.
I’ve gotten my confidence back in almost every way on my skateboard since I finally started skating again in April, about five months ago. After the crash in December though, I’ve stayed away from inverts, which involve being sideways or upside down. I suppose it’s smart, because another head injury would be really dangerous for me. But I’ve come to terms with something these past few months, and it’s that I need skateboarding in my life. Not hesitant, fear-filled skateboarding, but the kind where I push myself to new heights, and compete against the world’s best.
I head straight for the bowl and drop inside. Basic inverts aren’t especially challenging. It involves placing a hand on the ground and holding your body weight up while the other hand grabs the board. If you do it on a mini ramp, it’s actually a little harder because you don’t have as much momentum, but it also means you’re not going very fast and don’t have as far to fall. Today, I let myself start with a few baby inverts – I don’t go all the way to the coping, or edge of the bowl. Instead, I rock up partway like I used to when I was first learning. All my weight is on one hand, and I turn and land smoothly but it’s an unsatisfying trick. Once you’ve felt the full effect of grabbing the coping and turning your body all the way upside down instead of just a little sideways, these warmup inverts feel like a lot of work for not much reward.
I sense Beck’s eyes on me as I carve my board around the bowl, gaining speed. We both know I’ve done tricks more difficult than inverts over the past few weeks, and this is more a matter of my head game than my physical abilities. It could be the incredible night in bed with Beck, the sensation of flying on the trampoline last night, or the knowledge it’s just the two of us out here right now. But in this moment, everything in me is saying go for it, you got this. I’m even calm, despite the zing of energy vibrating through me.
Crouching low, I zoom up the vert and grab the coping with one hand as I let the momentum launch my body in the air. My other hand grabs my board and time pauses for an instant as I balance upside down. The only sound is my breathing and I soak in the rush before letting gravity bring me down. It’s not until my feet are back on my board that my mind flashes to Riptide, and the moments mid-air before my world went black. My body battles between the adrenaline urging me to keep going and the panic rising, telling me I’m lucky the flashback didn’t hit sooner, when I was upside down. But then I hear Beck clapping and cheering, and I snap out of it.
He drops in next to me, and before I have a chance to let the panic win, he’s got me wrapped in his arms. We rock back and forth together in a hug, and instead of freaking out that it’s only a matter of time before I crash again, I’m wondering what trick I’ll try to conquer next. Inverts were too easy. Maybe it’s time to tackle a 720.
We skate together until my stomach growls, reminding me about that smoothie. Lennon is sitting in the shade on the back porch and she pushes a glass my way. “I hope you don’t mind I took some videos of you guys.”
I’m not real big on getting filmed without my knowledge, but I’m starting to accept that it’s part of my new normal. Besides, I get only good vibes from Lennon and she wouldn’t be asking me if she had plans to backstab me somehow later.
“I didn’t post anything, but you guys looked so good out there together I couldn’t help myself,” she continues as I take a huge sip of smoothie.
“Whoa, that’s incredible. What’s in it?” Seriously, this is the best smoothie I’ve ever had.
Lennon forgets about the videos and sits up straighter. “You like it?” She starts listing off ingredients, only half of which I’ve heard of.
“Maybe you can write that all down so I can remember. Not that I’d know where to find some of that stuff in a grocery store,” I add. “My smoothies are usually bananas that are about to rot, any frozen fruit I can scrounge in the freezer which may or may not taste good with a banana, yogurt and juice or milk. I had no idea smoothies could taste this good.” I’m trying not to chug the rest of it down in one gulp and savor each sip, but damn, this is heaven.