She shook her head.
“Tell me what the hell is going on,” I demanded. I was done playing whatever fucking game this was.
She sighed and dropped her chin to her chest. “I think we just need to go back to me just being someone taking care of you and leave whatever this is, out of it.”
“What? You wanna just be some employee? Someone I pay to take care of me and doesn’t talk to me?”
She nodded and sniffed. “Please, Roc. That’s all I want.” Her voice was desperate and on the brink of breaking.
“Just tell me what I did, Mave. Tell me what happened.”
I wanted to fix it. Whatever it was that had happened I just wanted to make it better.
She shook her head. “Just please stop, Roc.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want.”
It wasn’t what I fucking wanted but that obviously didn’t matter.
I wheeled forward and grabbed the toothbrush. She stepped to the side and watched me. After I brushed my teeth, I finished in the bathroom with her help and wheeled into the bedroom.
Tears stained her cheeks as she lifted me into bed, and I felt a pain I hadn’t experienced in a long fucking time. I had hurt Mave, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I had done the same thing to Harlyn's mom and dragged it out for years.
I wasn’t going to hurt Mave for that long.
I wasn’t going to be the reason why she lost the brilliant light in her eyes.
“Night, Roc,” she said softly.
I didn’t reply.
There wasn’t a right answer to her broken voice.
She flipped the light off, and I listened to her softly pad up the stairs.
I had lost Mave before I even had her.
*
Chapter Sixteen
Mave
The rain poured down on the windshield, and I waited.
Roc had gone into the clinic forty-five minutes ago.
I had told him I could go in with him, but he insisted he was fine once I helped him out. He was seeing one of the doctors I did rotations with, and I was honestly a little relieved I didn’t need to explain why I was with Roc, but I was also upset I wasn’t in there with him.
Feelings were such a hard thing to work through.
I could have told Roc what was going on in my head last night. I could have asked him out right if he was seeing someone else, but instead, I had tucked my tail and ran.
This morning had been full of strained silence and stilted conversation. I needed to figure out a way to talk to Roc, but it seemed I had pushed him into a place last night where I now didn’t know how to reach him.
I had made a right mess of everything.
I spotted Roc roll out of the clinic, and I shift the SUV into drive to meet him under the awning. He saw me drive toward him and stayed where he was.
“Everything okay?” I asked when I hopped out.
He nodded. “Fine.”
This was my fault. The friendly and flirtiness we had was gone. The kisses were gone. Now replaced with coldness and blinding bluntness.
We silently drove back to the house after I helped him into the truck. He clutched the manila folder in his hands and kept his eyes trained out the passenger window.
I racked my brain trying to figure out something to say. Anything to help break the tension but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound dumb or make me sound like a hypocrite after last night. I had been wanted to be left alone to lick my self-inflicted wounds, and now that Roc was giving that to me, I didn’t like it.
Fool, fool, fool.
I was still upset about the fact that Roc might be seeing someone and he hadn’t told me, but now, in the brightness of a new day, I realized I should have asked him about it before shutting myself off to him.
I helped Roc out of the truck when we pulled up to the house. He let me help him into the wheelchair, but after that, he rolled away as if I wasn’t even there.
His phone rang, and he rolled into his room to take the phone call. I heard him talk, but I couldn’t make out anything he was saying.
I started working on making lunch, knowing he would be hungry soon. The next round of qualifying started around one today, and he would be glued to the TV as soon as it started.
“You don’t need to make me anything to eat.”
I spun around, surprised to see him. “It’s almost lunchtime.”
“Harlyn will be here soon.”
Harlyn hadn’t mentioned when she left last night that she was coming over today too. I had been hoping to gain enough courage to actually talk to Roc about what was bothering me, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to that with Harlyn here.
“Oh. I can make enough food for all of us.”
Roc shook his head. “You don’t need to.”
“Roc, I think we ne—”
He sliced his hand through the air. “I’m not fucking doing this, Mave. You don’t want to be here anymore, and I’m not going to act like I can’t see it. I’m not playing fucking games. Harlyn will be here in half an hour or so. You can go. I’ll be more than fine until she gets here.”
“Go?” I whispered.
He nodded. “Got a number from the doctor for a home health service. I’ll have a nurse here Monday morning. Harlyn agreed to come stay with me until then.”
My already bruised heart sank in my chest. “But…You mean—”
“I mean, we’re done here. I’ll have a check to you on Monday. You’ll get paid for the whole month for your trouble.” His tone was even and uncaring.
He was dismissing me. He was done with me.
I struggled to swallow. I had thought I had cried all of the tears I had last night, but obviously I hadn’t. “Roc, please I—”
“Leave the keys to the SUV on the counter. Harlyn is going to need them.” He backed out of the kitchen and headed back to his room.
“Roc,” I gasped.
He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Just don’t, Mave. This was a bad idea to begin with. I never should have asked you in the first place. It was destined to end badly.”
He rolled into his room and firmly shut the door behind him.
I looked around the place I had been calling home for the past few weeks. The couch I had cuddled with Roc on. The kitchen table we had breakfast at every morning. All of the times Roc had pulled me into his chair and kissed me senseless.
I had been making this house my home, and now, it was all yanked out from under me because I was too much of a coward to talk to Roc. I was too afraid to ask the questions that had answers that could change my future.
I had a chance with Roc, and I was damn sure I had completely fucked it up.
My eyes closed, and I fought back my tears.
This was my own fault, and I had no one else to blame.
The only thing left to do was leave.
*
Roc
I listened to her move through the house, grabbing everything that was hers.
Her footsteps moved toward my door, and I held my breath.
I had said everything I needed to.
Things had changed between Mave and me.
Changed so quickly that I did the only thing I could think of.
I let her go.
Her footsteps moved away from the door, and then the front door opened and closed.
She was gone.