“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Not just mine. For a long time, Callie was devastated without him.” He took a deep breath through his nose. “The last thing he said to me, the very last thing, was ‘take care of Callie.’”
“But then your stepfather said you couldn’t keep her?”
He nodded. “He couldn’t stand to even look at Callie. Or me either, I guess. We’d never really gotten along. I was still there, but his son died. It wasn’t hard to see that every time he looked at me, he wished it was me.”
“What about your mother? Surely she’ll want you back, even with the dog. She’s had plenty of time to think about things. She’s probably worried sick.”
“I don’t think seeing us is any easier on her, although I doubt she wishes I’d died. She says I’m an adult, and it’s either the dog or me. I think she’s just numb and doesn’t want to deal with anything anymore.”
“I think maybe you have no choice. At least with your guitar you were making money. Without it…”
He shook his head. “I had a job, you know. I was going to school. I had a life—well, as much of a life as anyone has when they have a sibling with a life-threatening disease.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s just…chaos.” He frowned as if I was obtuse. “When someone in a family—especially a kid—is so sick, every single resource the family has goes to them. All the time and money and worry. Nobody can focus on anything else.”
“Are you saying you felt ignored by your parents because of your half brother’s illness?”
“No, it’s not like that. You learn to do for yourself because everyone is in survival mode. Mom and Roger couldn’t think about anything else. When things were going well, there was still the next hurdle, the next test, the next treatment. When they were going poorly”—he swallowed—“there was only the next minute. The next heartbeat.”
“I think you must be very strong, Beck.”
He shrugged. “I had to be strong. They needed me. That’s why I assumed I could keep my promise to Bryce. When my stepdad kicked me out, I tried to get a place of my own, but any place that took dogs at all told me Callie was too big. Anywhere I could afford, you could only have small dogs. Fifty pounds, max.”
“I’m aware of the problems inherent in trying to rent with a pet.” I’d helped people rehome dogs and cats when they couldn’t find rentals that would accommodate them. Some assholes simply left their pets on the street and drove away.
“I couch surfed for a while, and I got friends to watch her for me while I worked, but I couldn’t do that forever. I was out of options.” Beck swiped the hair out of his eyes. “I ended up playing on the street for cash, sneaking Callie into cheap motels when I could still afford it, and sleeping rough when I couldn’t. But it was dangerous, and I was so scared. That’s when Tug came along.”
“Tell me about Tug.” Why wasn’t I calling the sheriff’s deputies to come out and take a statement instead of being a nosy fuck? It would have been so easy to let Beck be someone else’s problem, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I wanted to be the hero, even though I knew it was naïve, and I’d probably get played.
“Tug is…Tug, you know?” Beck bit his lip. “When I first hit the road, I was pretty stupid. I practically shit myself if anyone even approached me. But then I met Tug, and he always knew what to do. He always had cash.”
I hadn’t missed the feral gleam in Tug’s eyes when he looked me and Cooper over. I felt at the time like he was sizing us up, either to offer his services or con us. “How did Tug get money, Beck?”
Beck flushed. “Truck stops mostly. Rest stops. Parks. He said there were always old guys who wanted a quick—”
“I get the picture.” Distaste turned my stomach sour.
“I never did that.”
Did I believe him? I wanted to. “You’re nothing like Tug.”
“Don’t judge. You have no idea what either of us is like.”
“I apologize.” I clamped my mouth shut. Even if Beck had accepted money for sex, I stood by my assessment. He was nothing like Tug. Not yet, anyway. But how long would it be before hunger and need and a society that didn’t give a crap made Beck exactly like Tug?
“We hit the coast, and that’s when I started pulling my weight. People on the beach tip good, especially here. I thought we were doing okay. That we could maybe even find a place and stay here a while.”
“You said he scored here in St. Nacho’s? Where?” We had a weed dispensary, and I knew there was always meth around, but I had seen very little evidence of its use among locals.
Beck glanced away. “Somewhere. I don’t know where.”
“And that was a surprise to you.”
“Of course it was. I told you we made a deal. If I made it possible for him to stop selling his ass, he’d stop using. After we got into some trouble in Stockton, he was grateful for the break.”
I was sure Beck believed that. Tug had seemed sketchy to me, but even I would’ve rather he had a better choice than to sell himself.
Drug addicts were a hard no for me. I always had the worry in the back of my mind that my clinic could be robbed and my staff harmed. I had a security system, and my pharmacy had a reinforced door and a deadbolt that locked from within. It probably still wouldn’t stop determined thieves, but it would give someone time to call the police.
“So the first time you realized he broke your agreement was last night?” Travis came from my office with the kittens in their crate.
“It’s feeding time—Oh.” He must have sensed the tension between Beck and me, because he stopped suddenly. “Am I interrupting something?”
Beck got up. “I should go.”
“Wait.” I couldn’t let Beck leave. Not when things were such a mess for him. If he took off, I might never see him again. I searched desperately for a way to buy time. “Do you want to help Travis feed some kittens?”
He froze. “I could do that?”
I read longing in his expression. “Sure. Okay, Travis?”
Travis nodded. “Sure. Of course.”
“Beck, you need to call the police and report the theft. You can feed the kittens while you’re waiting.”
He raked his hair off his face. “I’m not calling the cops.”
“Beck—”
“I’m not going to make trouble for Tug. I owe him, and he makes enough trouble on his own.” He glanced away. “If it weren’t for Tug, it would have been me selling my ass those first few weeks.”
Travis looked utterly shocked, and I couldn’t say I blamed him. But I couldn’t make Beck report the theft, and it would be a betrayal to report it for him. For now, I had to accept his decision.
“C’mon, Beck.” Travis jerked his head for Beck to follow him, and I watched as they walked toward the supply room.
Beck turned back. “I’m sorry for just…dropping all this shit on you. I was upset, and I didn’t know who else to turn to. I’ll get out of your hair as soon as I’m done with the kittens.”