She owed John an answer. And she owed Evan one, too.
He hadn’t said when he was leaving the island and she hadn’t said when she was either. It just hung there, unspoken. Like a lot of things.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Evan said, coming to sit beside her. The girls were happily playing in the sand a few feet away. Every once in a while they stood to gather rocks to decorate the castle they were making, that looked more like a few lumps and hills than a royal residence.
“Just thinking.” She dragged a finger in the sand, finding it hard to look him in the eye.
“This is a beautiful place,” he said, almost pensively. “Why didn’t we ever come here before?”
She gave him a long look. “Our lives are busy. There was never any time.”
He nodded. “I know what you think. I heard what you said that day, after the girls’ party. I know you think I’m not present when I’m home, but I guess it’s because I always thought you liked being in charge of everything with the girls and the house. So I let you do it.”
“Oh please!” Hope said, but as she looked at him, she realized that it was true. It wasn’t a lame excuse to get out of being less than helpful. And she did like things a certain way.
“And the truth is that you’re better with them than I am,” Evan said, frowning a little. “You know the times that I tried to put them to bed, they kept saying they wanted you. That I read the stories wrong. That you did it right.”
Hope felt something in her heart thaw a little. This was the first time she was hearing this.
“And that time you went to that party and I had to get the girls dinner? They refused to eat what I made. They said it was gross, that you’re a better cook. I got so fed up that I took them out for fast food.”
She had to hide her smile. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that the girls had told her all about their trip to get french fries and burgers the next morning.
“Well, I’m sure they loved that,” she said, sliding him a smile.
“They love you, Hope.” Evan pulled in a breath. “And I do, too.”
She blinked, not knowing what to say, not even sure what she felt. She was so caught up in the strange imbalance of their relationship—of their lives—that she hadn’t stopped to ask herself if she really still loved her husband, because wasn’t that what it all came down to?
“I could have helped more,” he said. “I should have helped more. I should have been there when you asked me to come home when you were sick. You’re just…so capable that I figured you’d be able to handle it. But I should have come home. I should have made you the priority, not my client. Because you are the priority, Hope. You always were. You always will be. You’re…you’re my wife, Hope. But you’re more than that. You’re my life.”
Hope swallowed the knot that had wedged in her throat. He was saying everything she wanted to hear, and she wanted to believe him, so badly, but she just didn’t know if she could.
“It’s easy here, on the island, to focus on the things that matter. To unwind, to not pick up a call from a client, or disappear into the living room to watch the game. The girls aren’t being run around all day, there aren’t playdates and class parties, and bake sales, and dishes to wash.” Well, there were dishes to wash because that dishwasher was still broken, she thought. But that was beside the point. “It’s easy to say all this now, Evan.”
“But I mean it,” he said, holding her eyes. “I want us to do things like this. Take trips. Do you think I like travelling across the world with coworkers? I’m doing it because of you guys. Because I want to provide for you. Because I thought you wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.”
“And I do,” Hope said, blinking. “I want to be with them. I just…”
“You just needed a break.” He grinned. “I get it.”
“Do you?” She wanted to know. She needed to know.
“You’re so good with them, and they adore you, Hope. And I thought you wanted to take it all on. But now I see. I’ll be there more. And if you want to work, then work. I support your decision, Hope. I’ve never wavered from what we decided, all those years ago.”
They locked eyes for a moment and a hundred thoughts flooded her at once. It was the same face she had looked at day after day for years and years. The same man who infuriated her. The same man who had been there for moments that mattered more to her than anything else ever could.
The same man who hadn’t been there when she needed him the most. But who might. Or so he said.
“I guess we’ve both struggled with finding balance in our roles,” she said. “I wanted to do it all. I wanted to take on the role of parenting like I did everything else. But, I could have included you more. And I could have taken more off my plate.” She eyed him sidelong. “I mean…the girls didn’t need a unicorn.”
“Nah,” Evan said grinning. “They needed one. And you knew how to make it happen.”
A smile of understanding passing between them.
“Daddy!”
Hope jarred to the right, seeing Victoria standing with a bucket, holding it up in the air expectantly. “We need your help!”
Help. Yes, that was what Hope had needed, wasn’t it, even if she hadn’t directly asked for it, even if she’d maybe been a little too passive aggressive, taking it all on herself, and feeling resentful later.
Evan grinned and said, “Sure thing!” and got to his feet.
He took the bucket in one hand and Victoria’s hand in the other and joined Rose near the lakefront, where the water was lapping their toes. It was early in the season, and still cold, and it made Victoria squeal.
She could have stood up and joined them, but right now, she preferred to sit back and watch.
Her heart pulled tight as she watched the girls instructing Evan on how to create a proper moat, explaining in great detail that the princesses would need to get in and out of their castle for shopping trips, and that no, they could not take a boat, their dresses might get dirty!
Evan played along, joked with them, teased them until they squealed in frustration and then began explaining again, more insistent this time, until Evan helped build the moat and a drawbridge.
He glanced over at her, caught her eye and winked, and her breath caught in her chest. She wanted to capture this moment, hold onto it, remember it on the long, hard days when she felt weary and exhausted and started questioning her choice.
She wanted to remember that this was how she felt when she was on the island. How she’d always felt, ever since she was a little girl. At peace. Happy. Fulfilled. Free of worry and pressure and expectation and the daily responsibilities that had defined her life for as long as she could look back, from the time that she was eight years old and had received a B in math and had to explain to her father when he got home why that grade had not been an A, and promised, solemnly, to do better next time.
She would do better next time, she thought now.
John was right about something he’d said to her. Everyone deserved a second chance. Even her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Gemma
Leo hadn’t been at the Taylors’ house since the night of the party, not that Gemma had been checking. Much. Still, every day, when the sun began to set over the water and she knew that he had not come by West End Road, her heart seemed to sink along with the sun, only to rise again the next day when she woke up in her third-floor bedroom, renewed with hope that today might be the day that he came back, and everything could go back to how it was.