“You take a new diaper from here and place it under her, then fold the top over and secure the sides with these tabs.”
I exhaled. “That seems pretty straightforward.”
“Yeah, well, it depends on the situation, but the main thing is, just be careful to make sure she doesn’t roll off the table. If you don’t change or clean her perfectly, it’s not the end of the world.”
After that, Carys put Sunny in the baby swing and brought me into the kitchen to show me where the formula was.
She pointed. “These single-serving containers just pour right into the bottle I use right there.”
Carys placed the jars of baby food I’d need on the counter along with a plastic spoon.
She began writing down a feeding schedule. “She already had her bottle this morning, so the next meal can be these pureed bananas at eight. She normally has rice cereal for breakfast, but that’s a little more complicated to prepare, so I’ll just give her that for dinner.”
I nodded, trying hard to take it all in.
“Don’t worry, it’s all down on this pad of paper—what to give her and when.”
I scratched my head. “Okay…yup.”
“I would change her diaper next around ten. So, approximately every two hours.”
I gulped but tried to seem nonchalant.
Carys lifted one of the jars. “Around 11AM, she’ll have these sweet potatoes and peas. Then I follow it up with another bottle of formula.”
My head started to spin a little. “Got it.”
“At noon, you’re gonna want to try to put her down for a nap. But change her diaper again first. Text me if you have an issue putting her down. It usually just entails placing her on her back in the crib and turning on her mobile. It’s okay to leave her in there awake. She eventually falls asleep if the mobile is on.”
Trying to maintain my game face, I nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Some babies have two naps, but she only has one. I find she sleeps better at night with just the one.”
“And you said in the past, her naps can be anywhere from an hour to three?”
“Yeah. I’m impressed you remembered that.” She smiled. “But yes, very unpredictable.”
“Alright.”
“Depending on when she wakes up, I’d give her another bottle either after her nap or around three. That will tide her over until dinner, and I’ll handle that when I get home.”
I looked at the time on my phone. It was past ten minutes since I’d arrived. She needed to leave. “You’re gonna be late. Don’t worry about us. Go.”
“You’re sure about this?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I owe you big time, Deacon. Big time.”
She rushed around in search of her stuff.
“Don’t forget anything,” I warned, taking one of the drinks I’d brought out of the tray. “Take the coffee with you.”
She took the cup from me and looked around one last time. “Got my phone, got my purse…” She took a deep breath and ran over to kiss Sunny on the head. “Bye, baby. Be good for Deacon.” She looked over at me. “I can’t believe I’m saying that—for Deacon.”
Me neither. “We’ll be fine.”
“Text me if you need me. I don’t care how often.”
“Okay, but I’m only gonna do it if I really need to, like if the apartment is on fire.”
“Oh God, don’t say that,” she said as she rushed down the hall.
After I closed the door, the silence was deafening.
Sunny stared at me from her swing. I was relieved she seemed content. At least one of us was calm.
“Okay…that whole ‘we’ll be fine’ thing? That was just an act so your mom wouldn’t worry. I’m freaking out, little girl. You need to help me. No surprises and we’ll be good.”
She squealed.
“Alright, you cool to just chill there for a few? Looks like, according to your mom’s schedule, we don’t have anything until eight.”
I rubbed my chin. “Actually, I need to go next door to get my laptop so I can use it when you’re sleeping. I’m gonna take you with me to go get it. You okay with that?” Unfastening her from the swing, I lifted her out.
We walked over to my apartment, and I grabbed whatever I could fit in my left hand: my laptop, some beef jerky, and chips. I wasn’t sure what Carys had to snack on over there.
On the way out, I stopped at the mirror that hung on the wall near my door. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the sight of myself juggling all these items along with the baby. When she spotted herself in the mirror, Sunny flashed a huge, toothless grin. Her almond eyes turned to slits at the joy of seeing her own reflection.
Fuck, she’s adorable.
“You like mirrors, huh? Well, at least I know one way to entertain you if all else fails.” I whispered in her ear, “I’ll tell you a secret. I like them, too. I look at myself way too much in this mirror before I go out. But I won’t admit that to anyone but you.”
She laughed as if she could understand me, but she was probably just still amused by looking at herself.
When we returned to Carys’s apartment, it was time for Sunny’s breakfast. When I put her down in the highchair, she started to cry.
Shit. I knew this was a bad idea. “What’s wrong? What did I do?” I spoke to her like she was going to give me an answer.
After I lifted her out, the crying stopped. She looked up at me with her teary eyes, and I realized this was a repeat of that one night. She wanted to be held.
“Oh. We’re back here again?”
She just kept looking up at me until she smiled.
“No, no, no. What’s that for? You tryin’ to butter me up or something? So I’ll hold you? Not gonna work.”
She smiled even bigger.
A second time, I put her in the highchair. Once again, she started screaming.
“Shit,” I said. Then I cursed myself silently for swearing in front of her. “You didn’t hear that.”
Picking her up again, I worked to open the jar of bananas while holding her at the same time. I ended up feeding her while standing up. She must have been super hungry because she kept opening her mouth wide before I could even get the next bit of bananas onto the spoon.
“Damn, girl. You’re hungry, huh?”
Then it occurred to me: what goes in must come out. I shook that thought from my head, vowing once again to deal with it only when I had to.
The spoon finally hit the bottom of the jar, and there was nothing left.
She licked her lips.
Carys had left another jar of bananas on the counter, so I assumed we’d just keep this going. She devoured that one just as fast as the first.
Still holding her, I grabbed a piece of paper towel and turned on the water to wet it before wiping her mouth clean.
“Alright. Step one finished. You should be good for a while, right? I’m gonna try to put you down in the swing, so I can check my emails.”
The second her bottom hit the seat of the swing, she started to fidget uncomfortably and broke out in tears.
Damn it!
I told myself I was going to stick it out. Let her cry. But after five minutes of pacing while she screamed, I caved.