“Yes. I performed for The Manhattan Ballet as a principal dancer.”
If I’d thought his stare was penetrating before, that was nothing compared to the way he looked at me now.
“Wow.” He glanced back down at the photo. It showed me in an arabesque. He looked at it for longer than I was comfortable with. “Why did you stop?”
I swallowed, not prepared for this discussion. “I had an injury, and it forced me to retire.” Saying the words aloud left a bitter taste in my mouth.
He seemed to freeze, looking almost like it devastated him to hear what had happened to me. “I’m sorry. That had to have been hard to go through.”
“It wasn’t easy.”
Deacon stared at me, and with each second that passed, I felt a little more naked.
“It was the hardest thing I’d been through up to that point,” I finally admitted.
“What did you do…after? When you couldn’t dance anymore?”
“I took a behind-the-scenes position with the company for a couple of years.”
“What happened with that?”
I shrugged. “Sunny happened.”
“Ah.” He sighed and placed the frame back on the bookshelf. “Of course.”
The fact that he seemed genuinely interested gave me a push to open up a bit more. “Well…Sunny happening is the short version, actually. The longer story is that I began a relationship with the director of the ballet. Charles is the son of the long-time owner. He’s in his position via nepotism. Charles was legally separated from his wife at the time I was working for him. He left me to go back to her, but not before I got pregnant.”
“Shit,” Deacon said, taking a few steps toward me.
“Yeah.” I exhaled. “Finding out about the baby didn’t change anything with us. And honestly, I wouldn’t have taken him back anyway. He had two kids already, and while he did tell his ex-wife—now wife again—about Sunny, he’s chosen not to tell his children about their half-sister. He asked me to keep his name off the birth certificate.”
“He doesn’t support her at all?”
“He gives me money under the table. It’s a minimal amount, but it helps. I take it because I’m not going to let pride get in the way of caring for my daughter.”
“Well, that’s really sucky of him not to take more responsibility.”
“I’d honestly rather he not be in her life at this point. The only thing that feels worse than not having a father around is feeling rejected by the father you do see from time to time.”
He examined my eyes. “You sound like you have personal experience with that.”
Somehow this coffee run had turned into a therapy session. Deacon had a certain quality that made me feel like I could tell him anything, like he wouldn’t judge.
“You would be correct,” I said. “My dad wasn’t around for me.” I shook my head and looked down. “Anyway, no need to get into my life story. You went for coffee. This is more than you bargained for.”
“Are you kidding? I’m the one asking the questions. Sorry for being nosy.” He took a sip of his drink. “Anyway, I hope you don’t mind me saying, I’ve always been curious about you—your deal, what happened to your baby’s dad. It’s none of my business, but I did wonder.”
I sighed. “Well, now you know.”
“Yeah.” He smiled.
Since he didn’t seem to be going anywhere, I decided to ask something I’d been curious about.
“So, what about you? What’s your deal, Deacon? Are you from New York?”
“No, actually. I’m from Minnesota originally. I came out to New York from California a few years back because I wanted a change. But I can work from anywhere.”
“What do you do?”
“I design interactive games for a company based out of Asia.”
“That sounds so cool.”
“Definitely not a career I could’ve predicted, but it’s fun. Our app is very popular, and it does well. So that gives me a little job security in the otherwise unpredictable field of entertainment.”
“So you never have to go into an office?”
“I work from home the majority of the time. Only have to go to the company’s New York office occasionally for meetings. Their headquarters are in Japan.”
“That’s a great situation.”
“It is. But sometimes it’s hard to get your shit together at home. I get distracted a lot.”
“Yeah. I think I might have heard one of those distractions during the afternoon once.” I winked.
“Ouch.” He grimaced. “And here I was, thinking I’d done a good job distracting from your initial impression of me.” He formed his fingers into an L for loser over his forehead. “Fail.”
I laughed. “Just teasing.” It amazed me how fast I’d grown comfortable around him. I enjoyed his company.
“Anyway,” he said. “The good thing about working remotely is that I can work at all hours. So if I’m goofing off during the day, I get my shit done at night.”
“It’s awesome to have flexibility like that. I’m trying to find a similar type job as we speak. Know of anyone hiring?”
“Not off the top of my head, but I can keep an ear out. What kind of work are you looking for?”
“Well, my experience is pretty much administrative work. So, maybe like a virtual assistant? But I’m open to something new. I have a degree in general studies, but I spent so many years focused on ballet that my resume is limited, aside from the couple of years I worked behind the scenes. I assumed for so long that dancing would be my career.”
“Of course.” He nodded. “That makes sense.”
I fiddled with the green stopper that had come with my latte. “Not having a job has been fine for a while. I always planned to stay home with Sunny initially, but I think it would be good for my mental health to get out of the house a couple of days a week or find something I can do from home. It’s hard to find the perfect situation. But I definitely don’t want to leave her five days a week.”
Deacon let out an exasperated breath, seeming almost overwhelmed. “A kid changes everything, huh?”
“Yeah. It really does. These six months have gone by in a blur. I feel like I’ve been in my own world. But I wouldn’t trade it. My daughter is everything.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, from the little I’ve witnessed, I think you’re doing a great job. She seems like a happy baby. You’re a good mom.”
His words made my heart flutter. I don’t think anyone had ever said that to me before. And as much as I knew I was trying my hardest every day, it was nice to hear someone acknowledge it.
“Thank you, Deacon. You’re very sweet.”
“I don’t hear that too often, but okay.”
Our eyes locked. Then he suddenly looked down at his phone. “Anyway, I’ll let you enjoy the last of your quiet time before she wakes up.”
I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to leave. Instead, I said, “I’m glad you got to know me a little today—so you know I’m more than just the cranky, cockblocking neighbor.”