Her big, unruly blonde curls were piled in a wiry bun on top of her head and her sunglasses covered half her face. She was one of only two out of the crew without a beer in her hand, the other one being her boyfriend Zeek, who was floating a few tubes behind us.
I’d just met Julie that morning, and I already decided I liked her. She was sassy, just like the teenager she was, but also spoke like a young woman—with poise and thought. She held onto my tube with one hand while the other lazily dripped water on her chest.
“Wait,” I started, head snapping toward her before glancing back at Tucker to see if he was listening. He had his hand hooked to Davie’s tube and they were talking about football, so I focused my attention back on Julie. “You know who I am?”
She lifted her sunglasses from her eyes long enough to give me a pointed look. “Are you kidding? I’m a sixteen-year-old girl who grew up right outside of Seattle, of course I know who you are. I’ve been wearing your clothes since I had boobs big enough to fill them out.”
At that I laughed. “I’ll be damned. I think you’re the only one here who recognizes me.”
“Like that’s a surprise. You’ve seen how everyone dresses in Gold Bar, haven’t you?” She smirked, tapping her toes on the top of the water. She was a tiny thing, feet barely reaching the river from where her knees hooked over the tube. “When Momma Von told me a girl named Wren who was a fashion designer was staying in town, I thought, ‘Nah, there’s no way.’ But then I saw you a couple weeks ago at Yvette’s bonfire and almost died. I had a hard time not fangirling and asking you for your autograph.”
I barked out a laugh. “It’s not worth much.”
“It is to me,” she said, leaning up a little. “I saw you once when I was at the boutique. I’d just walked out of the dressing room and was showing my mom the dress I had on when you popped out from the back. You told me I looked cute and I nearly fainted.”
I shook my head. “That’s crazy! I’m just like you.”
“Maybe, but you’re also a fashion genius. Your clothes are the only ones that make me not look like a boy. My curves are so nonexistent I practically have valleys for tits.”
I chuckled, cheersing my beer in the air. “Welcome to my entire life, sweetie.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You get it. I hope you never stop designing, or I’m going to have to start stuffing my bra.”
She giggled, glancing behind her toward Zeek. They mouthed something to each other and she stuck her tongue out as I watched them, half paying attention and half wondering how many girls I would let down now that I was broken.
I hadn’t sketched anything of worth since I left Keith. Every cell in my body told me I was a failure, that I’d only been successful because I’d been comfortable. Now that my comfort was gone, so was my passion.
I didn’t know if it’d ever come back.
“How long have you two been together?” I asked, choosing to ignore the anxiety planting roots deep in my psyche.
Julie smiled wide, revealing the gap between her two oversized front teeth. She reminded me of one of my favorite models based out of London. “Our five-month anniversary was yesterday.”
I couldn’t help but smile, remembering when time together was measured in months instead of years. Keith and I had been the same way, and I supposed every high school couple was. It was a miracle to survive the drama of football games and illegal drinking and stick it out with just one person in the midst of it all.
“He told me he loved me last night,” she whispered, cheeks pink.
“Did you say it back?”
She nodded, biting her bottom lip. “But don’t tell Momma Von. She’ll tell my mom and then she’ll tell my dad and it’ll be a big mess.”
“Your dad doesn’t like him?” I asked, holding my beer lazily in the water so the can would stay cold.
“Not at all. No one is good enough for his baby girl, you know?” She rolled her eyes. “Like he’s the best one to decide what makes a good boyfriend.”
My brows tugged inward and I tried to ask her what she meant but I was cut off.
“Butts up!” Tucker yelled.
We all laughed, letting go of each other’s tubes and using our elbows and legs to prop ourselves up as we rolled over a shallow part in the river. Tucker’s tube stuck on a rock, and Julie floated past us, Zeek not too far behind her. By the time Tucker kicked us loose, we’d fallen to the back of the group, and it was just the two of us.
“Having fun?” Tucker asked, checking the rope around our tubes before dipping his sunglasses in the water to wipe off a little sunscreen.
“I am,” I answered honestly. “I’ve never done anything like this.”
“Such a city girl,” he teased, popping his sunglasses back on with a wide smile. “You going hiking while you’re here at all?”
“Yes, actually. Anderson told me about a few beginner hikes around here—he’s supposed to take me on one next weekend.”
Tucker pursed his lips, finishing the last of his beer before crushing the can and tucking it into the backpack resting in his lap. “He’s been with you a lot lately, huh?”
A small cloud moved in front of the sun, cutting off the one source of warmth, and I shivered. “He’s helping me fix up the cabin a little, mostly just the things I need for the summer. You know, like a floor that doesn’t give out when I walk across it.”
I chuckled, but Tucker’s lips barely hit a half smile before they flattened again. He’d tucked a few extra beers in his backpack when Momma Von had passed them around, and he pulled the last one out, offering it to me first. I shook my head, and he cracked it open, taking one long pull as I took in the cabins behind him. Each one was different, with its own unique style. I wondered what Anderson’s looked like and made a mental note to ask him to show me.
“He talk to you about Dani?” Tucker asked, crossing his ankles where they hung off the tube.
“A little. He doesn’t really talk much, you know?” Again, I tried to lighten the mood, but Tucker was stoic.
“Did he tell you she was my girlfriend?”
The sun peeked behind the clouds once more, but I was still covered in chills as my eyes found Tucker’s.
“He didn’t.”
I swallowed, not sure what else to say. I’m sorry felt cheap, and other than that, I had no idea what to offer.
Tucker nodded. “She was beautiful, funny.” He smiled. “Smart as hell. And believe it or not, Anderson and I were pretty close friends, too. The three of us used to hang out almost every day at their place. Of course that all changed after she died,” he added, squinting against the sun. “Everything changed.”
Saying anything still felt wrong, so I reached for him, wrapping my hand around his wrist to squeeze it lightly.
“We had plans to get out of here, you know? Go to college together, get married, live in Europe for a while before coming back home to Seattle. She was the first girl I loved.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “The only girl.”
“I’m so sorry,” I finally said, unable to hold it back any longer. It may have been cliché, but it was true—I was sorry. For his loss, for his suffering, because although I had no idea what it was like to have the love of my life die, I knew what it was like to mourn the loss of a dream, of a life planned out, of a love that seemed unbreakable.