Looking at the genuine admiration on Julie’s face, I knew that last part to be true.
“I bet you and Zeek will work it out,” I finally said. “Just give him a little time to process.”
“I hope so. I love him, Wren. I do. But I love me, too.”
I couldn’t help it, I leaned over and hugged her. There weren’t words to tell her how much her sharing this part of herself with me meant to me.
When we pulled back, a movement at the end of the drive caught my eye and I glanced over, finding Zeek there. He stood with shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets, eyes on where Julie sat beside me. I cleared my throat and nodded toward him and Julie followed my gaze.
She gave me a soft smile before hopping up and trotting down the stairs. I watched her walk to him, his eyes never leaving her, and when they reached each other, they embraced. He pulled her close, whispering in her ear, both of them nodding and Julie’s eyes glittering with unshed tears.
Then they kissed, and that part of my heart reserved for love kicked to life, stirring everything up inside me.
My eyes flitted to Momma Von, and without even having to ask she knew what I was wondering.
Where was Anderson? Had he shown up?
She just offered me a sympathetic smile and shook her head.
I nodded, smiling despite the knot in my throat, and Momma Von held my gaze for a second longer before she announced it was time to eat.
It’s funny how our hearts and minds react to the closing of a chapter in our lives.
We’re happy to have had the experience, and sad to lose it. We’re excited for the next step, yet terrified of what we leave behind.
I’d learned that if a move in life didn’t make you feel like singing and throwing up all at once, it wasn’t big enough.
I’d felt that way when I launched my own professional line after being turned down by designer after designer. I’d felt it even more when I’d left my home, my husband, the life I thought I’d wanted.
But now, packing the last of my bags into my SUV and picking up Rev to hold his tiny body against mine, I felt only a deep and steady sadness. He purred loudly, rubbing his head under my chin with a string of croaky meows. I just giggled and kept petting him until the first person stepped up to say goodbye.
“Well,” Yvette said first. “I’m going to just get this out of the way so I can go cry in peace in my own cabin.”
Everyone chuckled softly as she balanced Benjamin on her hip and leaned in to give me a hug with the other arm. I squeezed her tight, kissing Benjamin’s forehead before Davie stepped up to hug me, too.
Tucker was next, and he made sure to slip me a note with his phone number and made me promise to take him out the next time he made it into the city. Julie and Zeek said their goodbyes next, and I squeezed Julie a little longer than everyone else, telling her without words how much she meant to me.
They all stood back as Ron moved in.
“Any last wise words for me, Ron?” I teased.
He just grunted, but then smiled, pulling me in for a tight hug before stepping back with the others. “Be good, kid.”
“No promises.”
Momma Von already had tears in her eyes and I immediately followed once I saw her. She laughed, smacking my arm. “We’re just a bunch of bawl bags, aren’t we?”
“You started it!”
We hugged, and it was in her embrace that I noticed I was trembling. When she pulled back, hands still on my arms, her eyes softened. “You take care of yourself, okay girl? Not just your health. Your heart, too.”
I bit down hard on my lip, nodding and fighting back the tears. “I will. Thank you, for everything. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”
“Ditto, babe,” she said, winking.
I searched behind her once more, just in case, but there was nobody else left.
And so it was time.
I looked around at all of them again, my heart squeezing like each one of them still had a hand on it. Sniffing, I opened the driver side door and slipped in, still leaving it open as I situated my purse in the front seat and retrieved my sunglasses.
My hands were shaking harder now, stomach turning, and Momma Von’s words came to my mind.
“If you don’t love Anderson, if you feel like you can walk away from him without regretting it, then do it. Take everything you learned from him and all of us out here this summer and go back to your old life. Go find yourself. But if the thought of losing him forever makes you lose your breath, if living without him seems impossible now, then don’t let him go.”
My heart had never beaten so fast, and I shook even harder, breaths erratic as I tried to steady myself. I glanced at my reflection in the rearview before adjusting it away from my eyes and to the back window. But it was too late. I’d seen it.
I couldn’t leave him.
It didn’t matter that it didn’t make sense, or that he had a life here. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t spent what Sarah thought was the appropriate time alone before I’d found Anderson.
It didn’t matter that all the odds were stacked up against us.
I wanted him. I needed him.
And I couldn’t leave him like this.
My hand flew up to cover my mouth, fingers trembling over my lips as it all rushed at me at once. How could I ignore not just the thoughts in my head, but the physical signs my body was giving me? The short answer was that I couldn’t.
And I wouldn’t.
I didn’t know what I would say to him or what we would do or how we would make it work, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t leave him. I had to find him. I had to tell him.
I nearly laughed, excitement and nervousness invading every limb at once as I jumped out of the car again. Momma Von was watching me with confusion, and I opened my mouth to answer her unasked question, but then everyone’s eyes shifted to the end of the driveway.
Anderson was already walking toward me, wearing the sweater I’d bought him and the tool belt I’d made that he swore he’d never wear. I succumbed to the laugh I’d been fighting at the sight of it, but my smile fell quickly as he stepped into my space, just his presence alone enough to steal my breath.
His eyes were the brightest blue, his strong jaw square and steady. He held a thin square package tucked between his arm and his ribs, but he didn’t offer it to me. First, he just stared, the muscle under his jaw ticking as he fought to find the words he’d come to say.
“Thought I’d never see you wear that,” I teased, breaking the silence as my fingers reached out to tap the leather belt. He’d hung his tools in the pockets I’d made in it, and seeing him wear something I’d made for him stirred the already chaotic emotions inside me.
Anderson didn’t smile, but he took a breath, letting it go along with the tension we both felt. Then he took just a tiny step closer, eyes zeroing in on mine.
“I love you, Wren,” he said, voice strong and smooth as the river. “For everything that you are and everything that you aren’t. I love you dancing in the kitchen and signing 90’s songs off-key.”
I’d almost forgotten we had an audience until they all chuckled at that. I laughed, too—though tears filled my eyes.
“I love you all dolled up, long legs in high heels and red lips. I love you no makeup, just woke up, lazy smile. I love how your lips taste when you’ve finished your morning coffee and cinnamon rolls and I love the little wrinkle on your forehead and how you stick your tongue out a little while you sketch on the front porch.”