“Reese!”
I heard her voice call from behind me as I made it to the metal doors that led to the teachers’ parking lot. My hand hit the bar that released the lock, and I shoved it open, hoping I could fake that I didn’t hear her.
“Reese, wait up!”
I groaned, pausing where my hand still held the door and forcing a slow breath before turning.
Charlie was the only one in the hallway, and she walked toward me with a little hop in her step, her long, curled brown hair bouncing. Her smile was wide, cheeks pink, eyes shining like I was the person she’d been waiting to see all day. She didn’t hesitate when she made it to where I stood, but threw her slight arms around me.
I had no choice but to catch her, and I knew I always would.
“I’ve been looking for you all day,” she said, pulling back with that same smile. “Where have you been hiding?”
This was what I hated about Charlie — she still cared about me. If our situation was under someone’s microscope, they’d likely hate her because they thought the exact opposite. How could she talk to me the way she did, still want me around her, her family, if she really cared about me? Wouldn’t she give me time to heal, wouldn’t she leave me be?
But her hug, her smile, the way she looked at me — it was all genuine. It was who she’d always been. It was what I loved about her. She was the kindest woman, and her heart was too big for her own good. It had been hard on her, leaving me alone after what had transpired between us. She hated that she’d hurt me, and she wanted to make me better — even though it wasn’t her job to.
She had left me alone.
It had been me who begged to come back into her life.
Of course, that was when I thought Daisy was mine. That was when I was desperately looking for anything to tie me to Charlie, to give me a chance to make her mine. Now that I knew that chance was nonexistent, that Daisy was Cameron’s, that her life was moving on and I was stuck in place, I knew the truth.
I needed to let her go, and I needed her to leave me alone.
But I didn’t know how to tell her that.
So, instead, I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to ignore the way my heart squeezed once she was out of my arms again. “Had some students come to me at lunch with questions. I was going to come find you once my after-school tutoring sessions were done.”
“Clearly,” she chided, eyeing where my hand still held the door.
I swallowed.
Charlie watched me a moment, and when her eyes softened with pity, I had to grind my teeth to keep from screaming at her to stop feeling sorry for me. She wouldn’t even be able to deny it if she tried. We both knew it, anyone who saw her face when she was near me could see it. She felt sorry for me.
She wanted me to find love again, as if it was just so easy to do now that I couldn’t have her.
That’s the way it always went. The person who left had the most power, and the person left behind had the most despair. One would move on, the other would live in heartbreak until enough time had passed. And two years still hadn’t been enough time for me to so much as open the damn door, let alone close it and move on.
“So, how are you feeling?” I asked, holding the door open for Charlie so we could both get out into the fresh spring air. The sun warmed my skin as we fell in step on our way to the parking lot.
“Oh, I’m okay. A little sad to have to leave little Daniel this morning, but he has his sister. And our day care is the best, I couldn’t ask for better.” She smiled. “I’ll be back with them in a month for summer break. That’s what gets me through.”
I wondered why I’d even asked, like hearing her talk about her children with her husband would bring me any sort of relief. Then again, it was never about me when it came to Charlie. I only cared about her.
“Yes, you’ll be back home soon.”
We were quiet then, only our steps on the concrete and the distant sounds from the after-school practices filling the silence. I walked Charlie to her car first, opening the door to help her inside.
Tell her you need space.
Tell her you’re happy for her, but you need to heal.
Tell her to stay away.
But I couldn’t say any of those things, even when I knew I should. My heart was begging me to let her go and move on as much as it was threatening to abandon ship if I ever let her go.
Masochist — that’s what I was.
“What about you?” she asked after a moment, that same flash of pity crossing her face. “How have you been? I haven’t heard from you since Daisy’s birthday party.” Charlie paused, her voice lowering. “I miss you.”
My head dropped back, eyes searching the sky like there was some sort of god who could deliver me from this misery. As much as I wished she’d never say shit like that to me, I couldn’t deny the way my heart throbbed at the words, the way my chest fluttered with a hope that I was sure would kill me one day.
And somehow, I was thankful that she was oblivious to it, to the way her kindness killed me. If she was aware of it, she’d leave me alone. I’d get what was best for me — time and space to heal.
But I’d lose her in the process.
And that was the choice I never wanted to make.
“I’m doing great,” I lied, smiling when I met her gaze again. “Picked up another night at The Kinky Starfish, and I’ve got a summer job lined up. Mr. Henderson’s niece is in town and needs some help overcoming a repetitive strain injury.” I shrugged. “Apparently she’s pretty talented, so it should be fun.”
“That does sound fun,” Charlie beamed, like the fact that I had something even that small to get excited about somehow relieved her. “Have you met her yet?”
A flash of the dark, sad eyes I’d found across the restaurant last night hit me at her words, and I nodded. “Last night. She’s… well, she’s not what you’d expect when you think of Mr. Henderson’s niece.”
“Is that a good or bad thing?”
I considered her question. “Not bad. She’s just… she’s different than I imagined. But, we didn’t talk much. We meet for our first lesson tomorrow night.”
Charlie smiled. “Well, you’ll have to keep me posted with how it goes. Oh! Also, my parents are having dinner this Saturday and wanted to invite you, if you’re free? It’d be all of us.”
All of us.
That was her nice way of saying Cameron would be there, and her children, too.
I cleared my throat. “I work that night, but thank you for the invite.”
She nodded, her smile sad again. “Okay. Well, have a good evening, Reese,” she said, sliding into her car.
“Goodnight, Charlie.” I shut the door behind her, knocking on the top of her car before crossing the parking lot to my own.
I dropped my keys on the table next to the front door later that evening, kicking off my chukkas before crossing the living room to the kitchen. It was just as quiet as always as I placed the paper bag in my arms on the counter, opening the sliding glass door to let the fresh air and last bit of sunlight in.
My home was modest, a two-bedroom house not too far from school with a yard and garage. My neighborhood was nice, neighbors only slightly annoying, and though it wasn’t anything special, I’d made it homey.