At the same time, hearing Grier call Corrigan Mommy also triggered a wave of that sense of rightness, of how things could be, should be.
And the idea of losing Corrigan again, this time before we were even really back together, makes me feel like punching something.
Corrigan swallows hard, looking away and blinking fast. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” Before I know it, she’s turned and headed out the door.
The sound of the latch closing jolts me. The shock of losing her now, as an adult who has much more at stake, is so much more painful than it was all those years ago.
And I know it’s entirely my fault.
19
* * *
LEXINGTON
Careful not to wake Grier, I carry her to the car and strap her into her seat. As much as I’d like to tear off straight to Corrigan’s place, I have no idea how long our conversation will take or what kinds of things we’ll need to say that Grier shouldn’t overhear. So instead, I head to Mom’s.
Dawn answers the doorbell, blinking in obvious confusion.
“Lex? What a wonderful surprise,” Mom calls from her recliner.
As I come inside with Grier conked out on my shoulder, I get close enough for Mom to see the somber look in my eyes, and her face falls.
“Is everything all right?” she asks in a low voice.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” I say softly, deciding it’s best not to get into it right now. “Sorry for not giving you any warning, but can you watch Grier for a couple of hours?” I ask, erring on the side of extra time, just in case. “I just, uh . . . one of my contractors just called, and I have to go meet him at the property immediately.”
“Well, I’m always happy to see my grandbaby . . .” Mom looks at Dawn, her brow furrowed. “But would you be okay with that? I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s fine with me,” Dawn says, her voice quiet like ours.
“Thank you so much,” I whisper with a sigh of relief. “Sorry again. I’ll pay you double for these hours.”
Dawn’s eyes widen. “You don’t have to d—”
“Really, I insist. It only makes sense, since you’ll be looking after two people. And I promise I’ll come back as soon as I can.” Hopefully, I won’t be an emotional wreck when I do, or I’ll have to finally answer Mom’s questions about Corrigan and me.
“Is there anything she needs?” Dawn asks.
“I’ll bring her bag in, but right now she’s in the middle of her afternoon nap, so she should just sleep for most of the time,” I say as I pass her gently into Mom’s outstretched arms.
As if on cue, Grier stirs, mumbling, “Gamma?”
Mom chuckles softly. “Yes, sweet pea, Grandma’s here.” She settles Grier in her lap and rubs her back soothingly until her breathing starts to slow again. “Shh . . . that’s a good girl. Sleepy time now.” Looking up at me, Mom whispers, “Good luck with your business. But in the future, try not to work so hard, okay? I worry.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll try.”
I’ll definitely need that luck—this meeting is the most important I’ve ever had. I head back out the door and shut it quietly.
I drive to Corrigan’s apartment and check the labels on the mailbox by the entrance when I arrive. After locating her name, I stride up the stairs two at a time to her apartment. I knock twice and wait.
Dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and an oversized T-shirt, Corrigan pulls open the door. “Lexington?” She squints against the afternoon sunlight. “What’s going on? Is something wrong?”
The words leap out of my mouth. “What if I want it all?”
She blinks at me. “What are you—”
My grand gesture of pleading for her heart is sure off to a roaring start.
Trying again, I say, “What if I want to make what Grier said come true? What if I want us to be a family and share a home together?”
Corrigan’s eyes fly open wide with shock. “You . . . you don’t know what you’re saying,” she chokes out, even as she takes a half step closer. “You couldn’t even handle the responsibility of having a girlfriend back when I knew you, let alone—”
“I’ve changed,” I say, willing to beg her to believe me. “I’ve had ten years to grow up, to think about what I missed out on. To miss you. I’m not some commitment-phobe, immature boy anymore. I’m a man now, and I’ll act like one.”
Taking a chance, I grab her hand.
“I know what’s on the line here, Corrigan. I lost you once, and I never want to feel the pain of that again. More than just playing house, I want you in my life. Move in with us. Be Grier’s mommy. Be my everything.”
I’ve just bared my soul and laid my heart on the line, and the heartbeats that tick past silently are filled with uncertainty.
She looks away, her eyes glistening, worrying her lip so fiercely I’m afraid it might bleed. But she doesn’t pull her hand out of mine. “I don’t . . . how would that even work? How do we know it’d be okay?”
“We don’t. We’d just have to have faith and figure things out along the way.”
I know it’s probably not the assurance she was hoping for, but I’m not sure what to say, and there’s no way I can allow this chance to pass by. I can’t let her just walk away again.
Her chuckle is uncertain, but her gaze on mine is steady. “Lex . . . we can’t just jump straight in. This is a huge decision.”
I nod once, solemnly. “It is, but it also feels like the easiest decision in the world. For me, anyway. I want a future with you, Corrigan. And I’m asking if you want to see where this goes as much as I do.”
Her eyes lift to mine again, seeming to weigh whatever expression I’m wearing. But she’s so quiet, I barely breathe. When she finally speaks, her voice is tiny, heavy with emotion.
“I’m afraid, Lex.”
I let out a deep sigh. “Me too. I’m . . . terrified.” Mostly of losing this shot with her. A weird little chuckle escapes me. “But I still want to try. Do you?” I wet my lips. “Please, just answer me this one question. Do you love me?”
“It’s not that simple . . .”
“Yes, it is. Everything else is just details, and we can work them out together. Tell me, and if you don’t share my feelings, I’ll drive back home right now and never bother you again. Do you want to be with me—with Grier?”
Corrigan’s eyes brim with unshed tears, and she lets out a small, wet sniff. “That’s playing dirty.”
But she’s laughing through her tears and stepping into my arms, and I finally understand what people mean when they talk about their heart singing.
This must be a dream, I think, squeezing her tight.
Then her lips meet mine, and I know it’s not. We kiss deeply, locked together in her doorway, pouring into it all our joy and fear and cautious hope, and the love that will get us through it all.
The dance of our tongues quickly grows hotter and needier until she grabs my hand and pulls me inside. It strikes me that I’ve never seen her apartment before. What little I glimpse of it is snug furniture, cheerful bright colors, and cozy pastels, so very Corrigan. But then we’re in her bedroom, her scent surrounding me, and when she pulls me down on top of her, everything else vanishes.