Tears?
Happy tears.
Then she hugs him again, and Jamison mouths thank you to me.
So much for baby steps.
Three days later, I’m finally released. Everyone was unavailable, so I’m left with Ethel and Grandma driving me back to my apartment. Palmer is with Harley, but no one expected her to pack all their kids into the car to pick me up.
I wait in my hospital room, my bags packed, eager to be with Palmer again. But I’m not prepared when Jamison steps into the doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m your chauffeur.”
“I thought Grandma Dori and Ethel were coming?”
He grabs my bag and a nurse comes in with my discharge papers. “Yeah, Ethel is sick, so here I am. It’s not too much of a disappointment, is it?”
I shrug and focus on the nurse. She’s too busy smiling at Jamison. I know he’s good-looking. I had to fight women off all the time when we were together, but in my back pocket, I always had the security that he was mine. Now he’s not, and jealousy slaps me hard across the face.
He clears his throat and the nurse smiles, straightening the papers on her desk. As if she wasn’t just ogling him. The hospital is way too small for everyone to not know the situation here. I carried my brother and his wife’s baby, and Jamison is my baby daddy.
The nurse gives me all the instructions and my list of restrictions.
Jamison clarifies with her about the stairs. “Once a day?”
The nurse nods. “Once up and once down, that’s it.”
He nods as though he’s the one in charge. He won’t be near me except to get Palmer, and honestly, these are just guidelines. Things they have to tell women for insurance reasons. Surely, I’ll be fine. I mean, most women have to go home and care for a baby. I just have an eighteen-month-old sweet little girl who listens to her mother.
After we complete all the discharge paperwork, I get myself into the wheelchair and Jamison asks the dreaded question about sex.
“Six weeks, huh?” Jamison asks and gives me a look of disbelief.
I’m sure we’re both thinking that if he had been around after Palmer, we couldn’t have waited that long. We’ve had sex through head colds, recovery from two ankle surgeries, and while I was pregnant—until he was drinking too much.
“Six weeks. You’ll have your doctor’s appointment at week two to check things out. I’m sure your doctor can tell you more than me.” The nurse hands me off to an orderly by the elevator. “Good luck, Sedona. Bye, Jamison.”
She’s off and we’re in the elevator with a new person. A man, thankfully. Someone who hopefully won’t eye Jamison as if he’s a prized bull.
I wait patiently as Jamison pulls his car around, but when it stops in the circle drive, I arch my eyebrows. He climbs out of the two-door Camaro and rounds the back of the car.
I allow him to help me to the car. “You rented this for Alaska?”
“I figure it’s spring. Don’t have to worry about the snow.”
He opens up the passenger door and I ease down into the seat, which isn’t easy when your stomach is stitched together.
After the orderly gives Jamison the rest of my stuff, he shoves it in the trunk. Neither of us had a car in New York, so I never gave much thought to his preference of car. But this is the most impractical thing he could have rented. I glance down as he shifts it into first gear. A stick shift? Seriously?
As we drive out of the hospital parking lot, I grow irritated. Maybe it’s that he’s sexy when he drives a stick and I don’t want to admit it to myself.
“You do know that Palmer will never ride in this?”
At a red light, he glances to me with confusion in his eyes.
“It’s too dangerous.” I glance behind me. “Your back seat isn’t big enough and—”
The smile that warmed his face when he pulled up outside the hospital turns into a guilty expression and he drags his eyes back to the road. “Yeah. I wasn’t thinking.”
The pang of guilt for delivering my message rudely shouldn’t bother me. What do I care if I offended him? Any father would know this car isn’t practical—not in Alaska and not for an eighteen-month-old girl. And he would’ve thought of it on his own if… I stop my train of thought. I can’t let the anger that’s yet to dissipate toward him take over.
“It’s just that—”
He holds up his hand. “I got it. I’ll switch it out.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine.”
I sulk down in the seat, and we drive the rest of the way in silence. By the time we reach my apartment and park along the curb, I’m itching to get out of such close proximity with him. He helps me out of the car, which is a complete embarrassment because of how painful it is to get out of his car.
“Thank you for bringing me home,” I say once my feet land on the sidewalk.
His eyes lock with mine. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I shouldn’t have—”
“You should have. You have every right. Our daughter’s safety is the number one concern. I’m just embarrassed that I didn’t think about it myself. Do you think I’ll ever have those instincts? What if I’m just a shit dad?” He blows out a breath and pushes his hand through his hair.
Oh no, this is not how it was supposed to go. I’m supposed to hate the man in front of me. I’m not the person who should boost up his self-esteem about being a dad. Because I had all those doubts once too, but I dealt with them on my own because he wasn’t anywhere to be found.
“I think you’re a new dad and I’ve been at this for eighteen months. Don’t beat yourself up just because you picked the wrong car at the rental place.”
He nods. “Thanks. You shouldn’t have to make me feel better.”
I huff. “Well, I might still be mad at you, but I’m not a bitch either. Parenthood is hard. No one promised it was easy. You should know that too.”
“I’ll do better. I promise.” He disappears to the back of the car before I have the opportunity to say anything else.
Which is probably for the best. I don’t want to be the person who assures him he’ll be a great dad. With the way he dedicates himself to something he loves, I know he will. Maybe that scares me too. Like he’s threatening the bubble I’ve put Palmer and myself in. I’m not sure I want to make room for him. Just the thought of holidays without her grips my heart as if the Incredible Hulk is squeezing it.
“Let’s get you settled.” He holds my bags in one hand and he waits for me to slowly walk to my apartment, following.
But I can’t depend on Jamison to have my back. I made that mistake once already.
Thirteen
Jamison
I’m on my way to the rental place when my phone dings in the center console. All I catch is 911, so I pull over to the side of the road and pick it up.
It’s an unknown number, but it’s an Alaska area code.
Unknown Number: 911. Sedona needs help and needs a new breast pump. Hers is broken.