“Live through them? I don’t understand,” she tells him.
“Yes, Ari. Realize that you’ve lived through the past already. You cannot change any of it. But you were strong enough to survive. They might be nasty and unpleasant memories but you survived them. They can only haunt you for as long as you let them.”
“They are debilitating,” she admits because she doesn’t know how to find the strength to overcome these cravings for the rest of her life.
“They can be,” Marcus tells her. “It’s part of recovery. It’s not an overnight thing. But you can build yourself up so that you’re stronger to face it each time. It’s possible,” he finishes as if he knew that’s what she was going to say next.
Again, her thoughts drift to Adam. He’d said he’d build her up.
Didn’t he?
Chapter Nineteen
“Her recovery plan is unique. So we are having to deal with the trials that she faces as they come,” Marcus tells him. “She’s dealing day by day, so it’s hard to follow the usual steps with her.”
“And Chase set her off?” he asks.
Marcus nods and glances toward the kitchen window. He follows Marcus’s gaze and finds the window empty.
They’re standing in the gazebo discussing Ariana’s breakdown. And from what Marcus says, it was a pretty nasty one. Recovering addicts falter. They have their ups and downs. He knows this and has never had the patience for it. Until her.
Everything changed the moment their lips touched, maybe even before that. Something inside of him…came alive again.
And fucking Chase, his brother, just set her back in that recovery. Fucking asshole.
He and Marcus walk back to the house in silence. Once inside, Marcus gives him an encouraging nod before he leaves the house to run whatever personal business he needs to handle. The man has been here day and night for over a month now. Marcus gets paid more than enough but everyone needs some time to handle personal business too.
He didn’t have to guess where Ariana is and heads to her bedroom. Marcus says she barely leaves the room except for her meals since Chase was last here. And even her meals have been more for sniffing than feeding according to Marcus.
He knows his brother was only looking out for the family but he should have taken more consideration for her recovery. Oh, who the fuck is he kidding? Chase doesn’t consider anyone’s feelings especially if it comes to the well-being of his family.
He steps into the bedroom and finds her curled up in bed.
At first, he thought she was sound asleep. Until he sees her staring at the ceiling, blinking now and then. She’s so lost in thought that she didn’t even notice how close he was standing to the bed. It wasn’t until he starts taking off his suit jacket that she speaks.
“I…I don’t know if I can—” she says as he climbs into the bed.
It’s mid-afternoon and bed isn’t a place he’s normally in at this time of day. But if it’s where she’s at, then he finds it’s where he wants to be.
“Can’t what?” he cuts her off. “I’m not here for that,” he tells her.
It cuts that she thinks he’s only here to fuck her. He can’t deny that he wants to but he can control his urges. Then again…why wouldn’t she think that? Has he shown her that he’s interested in anything else other than sex and information?
No. He hasn’t.
Wait…is he interested…in more?
That makes him feel something.
Empathy and compassion aren’t something he’s accustomed to especially towards women. Women have their purpose. He gets what he wants to appease his needs and then he moves on. No female comes into his immediate circle. No female is given that much trust, not even Daisy. Every woman is kept at arm's length.
Daisy had been the closest and not by choice. But because he’d fucked up and let her put her own rubber on him, he’s lived and learned from that lesson. He may have gotten Jasmine out of it but never again.
Again…until her.
Ariana had him lose all control their first time and every time after that. She’d never spoken about it or questioned it which again…makes him feel something.
Unease. How many others have there been? Going raw…filling her and using her up.
He grinds his teeth until he knows she can probably hear him doing so.
He relaxes his jaw just to clench his hands in fists around the duvet. He’ll spend the rest of his life killing every single bastard that’s touched her. Maybe he’ll kill any motherfuckers who touched her even with her permission also.
What the fuck? Did he just say the rest of his life? Where in the fuck did that come from?
He can’t seriously be subconsciously having these kinds of thoughts about her so soon. He has a family to take care of and a daughter to raise. Bringing a drug addict, recovering or not, into her life is the last thing he should be doing.
But everything inside of him is telling him that he can’t let Ariana go. Even if he can say the words out loud, he doesn’t know if he’d be able to sever the connection that’s somehow formed between him and Ariana. It’s a connection that is steadily growing. And to see Jazzy forming a connection with her can only make him appreciate this woman more.
Jasmine. He sighs out loudly.
His daughter comes first. She will always come first. Isabella can go fuck herself if she thinks she’s going to high-hand Jazzy’s upbringing like she thinks she’s going to. Boarding school? He’d make Isabella disappear quickly before that shit happens. Romano or not.
Something tells him that the subject of his daughter will always be an issue with Isabella. That woman doesn’t seem to give a shit about Jazzy.
“Did you think I passed you off to my brother?” he asks before his mind starts drifting into angrier thoughts.
She doesn’t answer but he can feel her tensing up next to his side.
“I wouldn’t do that,” he tries to reassure her. His tone sounds angrier than reassuring though.
“Besides, Chase and I don’t share. He’s only shared with Carter, our cousin. And I’ve only shared with Derrick. And if you think Derrick is going to be able to get past Stella to do anything with you, then you’re clearly on drugs,” he says jokingly to lighten up the mood.
At least, he tries to.
He knows he’s succeeded when he feels the bed vibrating from her trying to conquer her laugh. He grins and finds himself relaxing beside her even more.
Regardless of what Chase thinks of Ariana, never once did he question her honesty. Never once did he come to the assumption that she might have fed him wrong information or knew that this was going to happen. Ariana doesn’t have a vindictive bone in her body.
“I know it’s going to be a knee jerk reaction to think that way when there are new men around, Ariana. I can be patient but I give you my word. I will never hand you off or pass you around like you mean nothing.”
What the fuck is he saying?
He doesn’t make promises like this to anyone.
He isn’t in the habit of using women for anything other than pleasure either but this is as close to promising a woman that she’ll be kept by him as it has ever been. Even at their best, he’d never made such a promise to Daisy. He’d made it clear that when she became pregnant, she was nothing more than the baby’s surrogate.