His agitation was the only thing driving him now, as he hadn’t eaten properly in five days. That weakness was telling a tale on his attempt to appear together.
‘Louis was happy to agree on animals. We did not agree on penguins.’ She sighed. ‘Sit back down, Ethan. We have some talking to do.’
‘I do not want to talk,’ he told her. ‘I have nothing to say.’
‘You have nothing to say?’ Silvie asked. ‘You do not want to say anything about how you decided to take in a street girl and her dog, inviting them to live with you! You do not want to say anything about the new idea you had to change the hotels so they cater completely for what customers want not what Ferne maybe thought our customers should aspire to?’
Ethan didn’t know how to respond. Silvie was hitting the nail on the head with every breath. He sat back down.
‘Or do you not want to say anything about Keeley?’ Silvie asked. ‘The woman you have fallen in love with but are too stupid to not take a chance with.’
Ethan bit his lip. The tears were in his eyes as soon as Silvie had said her name. ‘I… cannot.’
‘Why can’t you?’ Silvie asked him. ‘I want to hear it in your words.’
He shook his head. ‘She… and Ferne… it’s too… crazy.’
‘Crazy,’ Silvie said with a nod. ‘Yes, you are right. The situation is completely crazy. But, it is the kind of thing you read about all the time. Remember, the two people who found love in lockdown across their balconies. Or the cats that go missing, then walk hundreds of miles to get to their previous homes. Or how about… jetting into space… or that craziest of crazy men being in charge of the United States.’ Silvie paused for a second. ‘Crazy happens all the time, Ethan. It does not have to mean that crazy is wrong.’
He didn’t have any more words. It was an unbelievable complication. Something that should not have been able to occur with no one knowing about it. If he had just paid a little more interest when Silvie had said the person who had received Ferne’s kidney was here. If he had turned up at dinner…
‘Look at it from Keeley’s point of view,’ Silvie carried on. ‘I have asked her to come here. I have wanted to meet the woman who received Ferne’s kidney. I wanted, very selfishly, to know who Keeley was and to also know that she was well. And to believe that some good was coming from the waste that was Ferne’s death. Perhaps it was closure. Maybe, in truth, it was thinking that I might notice a little of Ferne about her. I know that sounds silly. Donating a kidney isn’t some far-fetched kind of reincarnation, I realise that. I suppose, I wanted to know she was nice, and kind, or brave, or set to do remarkable things but what I found out was so much more than I could have anticipated.’
Ethan made no reply.
‘I found out that she was the most beautiful soul in the simplest of ways. She is kind. And she is nice. And, my God, she has been so brave. Going through an accident, losing her sister, nearly losing her own life and having to pick up all those pieces afterwards. I can only imagine what she has had to go through.’ Silvie shook her head. ‘And to do all that and know that you are supposed to be living your best life each and every day, with the eyes of your overprotective mother on you, the hopes and dreams of a grieving French woman on you, and everyone else talking about second chances and making moments count. The poor poor girl hasn’t been given a minute to even process what her new life means.’ Silvie stood then, making her way around the table towards him. ‘Until she met you.’
Ethan didn’t dare look up. His heart was hammering against his rib cage and he felt rather like one of the rabbits from reception who got agitated if the children held them too long or too hard.
‘Because Keeley met you with no precursor,’ Silvie reminded him. ‘She told me you literally ran into each other. With the penguin.’
He swallowed. ‘Yes.’
‘And, for a moment, for the very first time, Keeley was simply herself. A bright, intelligent, young woman in Paris, the person she was before these tragic events, the person she so wants to be if only fate would let her.’
Ethan shook his head, the tears coming then. ‘I do not know what to do,’ he sobbed. ‘I cannot stop thinking about her. But every time I think about her I think about Ferne and how much I still miss her.’
Silvie slipped into the seat beside him then. ‘We all still miss her. And there is nothing wrong with that.’ She sighed. ‘I know that Louis thinks I have been spending too much time in Ferne’s room, but there is a reason for that. I have decided… that it is time to clear a few things out. Not all of it. Never all of it. But there are deserving people who would appreciate almost a whole house of fashion that lives in her wardrobes.’
‘She has more clothes than Givenchy,’ Ethan answered.
Silvie laughed. ‘She really does.’
Ethan smiled and rubbed at his eyes.
‘Ethan,’ Silvie said gently. ‘The only body part that makes us who we are cannot be transplanted.’ She sighed. ‘Our soul.’ She laid her hand on his. ‘And… I believe that the soul dies altogether at exactly the same time we do.’ Silvie smiled. ‘Everything else about us is… simply machinery.’
‘You really look at it like that?’ Ethan asked her.
Silvie nodded. ‘I also know that if Ferne had not been in the UK, in London, on that November night, Keeley would most likely not be here now.’ She smiled at Ethan, patting his hand. ‘Do not punish Keeley for being able to live because Ferne could not. I believe Keeley has been punishing herself for far too long already, with absolutely no grounds for it.’
‘I don’t know what to do,’ Ethan said, watery eyes struggling to focus.
Silvie sighed. ‘Yes, you do,’ she told him sincerely. ‘And you also know what Ferne would want you to do too.’
Suddenly, loud barking erupted from outside the door and, looking through the glass into the lobby area beyond, Ethan saw Bo-Bo was running off with a whole cake lodged in between his jaws.
‘That dog!’ Silvie said, shaking her head. ‘It is a menace! And it needs a visit to the groomers.’
‘So did Jeanne before I saw a bun in her hair today,’ Ethan replied.
Silvie smiled. ‘You liked my handiwork?’
‘I knew you had done it. I just did not know why.’
‘Jeanne was worried about you. She made sure we were introduced. And while you have been… absent… she has asked for some books from my library and some of Ferne’s things to decorate her room.’
‘I… do not know what I am doing with Jeanne either,’ Ethan admitted. ‘I did not think. I…’
‘Oh no, Ethan,’ Silvie interrupted. ‘You did think. You thought very deeply with regard to Jeanne. Except you did not think with your head. You thought with your heart.’ She squeezed his hand then. ‘And that is what you should carry on doing. Come to the hotel tonight. Come and see what has changed.’ A smile crossed her lips. ‘I think you will be surprised.’
Sixty-Six
L’Hotel Paris Parfait, Tour Eiffel, Paris