Chance stared at me before he slowly moved toward his own chair and pulled off his hat. He ran his fingers through his dark hair before tossing his hat on top of the table. “I don’t know how to be friends with you. I’m really not trying to be an asshole, Danika.”
“Well, you could have fooled me.” I reached for my book and opened it to some problems we needed to cover.
Then, I went to work, attempting to teach Chance Carter math that he would never in a million years even use. Not only because he was going to get drafted and play professional baseball, but also because no one used this crap in the real world and we both knew it.
I slammed the front door of my apartment as soon as I walked in and made an annoyed screaming sound. “I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!” I shouted, not knowing or caring if Sunny was home or not.
“Who do we hate?” Sunny appeared, a concerned look on her face.
That answered that question.
“Chance Carter. That’s who!” I tossed my backpack on the table and dramatically flopped onto the couch, covering my eyes with the backs of my hands.
“Why? What did Señor Thick Thighs do?”
Pulling my hands away, I gave her a snarl, “Señor Thick Thighs? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?” she said innocently. “The guy’s a catcher. He has delicious thighs. It’s not my fault. I didn’t make him.”
“Please stop talking about Chance’s thighs. I’m trying to be mad at him here.”
She sat on the couch next to me and folded her legs up underneath her body. “What happened?”
“He’s infuriating! Said that we couldn’t be friends anymore.”
“Were you friends in the first place?”
“We were! We made a deal. And he took it back,” I said before realizing how stupid and juvenile I sounded. Great. Now, I was the immature one.
Sunny started laughing. “It’s not funny. It just sounds funny. You’re mad because Chance doesn’t want to be your friend. So what? It’s not in your tutor job description to be his buddy. Why do you care so much?”
That really was the million-dollar question. Why the hell did I care so much? “I don’t know.”
“Liar.”
My eyes flew to meet hers. “Why would I lie?”
“Because you don’t want to admit that you’re attracted to him.”
“Who isn’t attracted to him?” I rolled my eyes and tried to play it off, avoiding the accusation.
“Exactly. But you think it makes you a bad person to be attracted to someone other than your boyfriend. News flash: it doesn’t. It makes you human.”
“That’s not it. I mean, it’s not like Chance is the only hot guy on campus,” I said before I started searching my mind for other hot guys to add to my imaginary list. I came up empty and hoped Sunny didn’t ask me to elaborate or start naming names.
“Then”—Sunny tilted her head—“why are you so mad that he doesn’t want to be friends?”
“I already told you, I don’t know!” I shouted, my temper flaring at Sunny for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t mad at her. I was mad at myself.
“I think you do know.”
My teeth ground together with her accusation, and I tried not to think about why I was so worked up by Chance’s flip-flopping behavior.
“Danika.” Sunny’s voice was soft, and I breathed out an exaggerated sigh before facing her.
“I really don’t know why I’m so upset. I shouldn’t care at all,” I started to say before Sunny cut me off.
“But you do.”
“But I do. I don’t want to. But I do,” I admitted before looking away and staring a hole in the carpet. It wasn’t judging me the way I currently was. “And I really don’t know why.”
“Have you ever considered the fact that you might actually like him?”
I vehemently shook my head. “I don’t even really know him. I can’t like someone I don’t know,” I started to explain before adding, “I mean, I can’t like someone at all. I have a boyfriend.”
Sunny rolled her eyes and groaned at the same time. “Your boyfriend sucks, Danika.”
“I don’t know why you hate Jared so much,” I said with a small shrug and watched as her entire body tensed.
“I just do,” she said, and I wondered for the first time if she was hiding something from me. “I don’t think he’s the right guy for you, but it’s not my life, so …”
A guttural laugh escaped from somewhere deep inside me. “And you think Chance is the right guy for me?”
“I didn’t say that either. I just know Jared isn’t,” she said with confidence before looking somewhere over my shoulder.
Sunny was obviously feeling bold today. We’d talked about Jared before but never to this extent.
“I swear you used to like him. Then, one day, it just”—I paused as I snapped my fingers—“changed for some reason.”
Sunny offered no further explanation. “Yeah, I don’t know. You guys fight a lot. He’s pretty controlling. And I’m not sure if that’s just a New York thing or what, but I don’t know if you even see it.”
I started to feel a little defensive, like she had struck a chord or offended me somehow. Right when I was about to argue with her, I realized that she might be right. “I do see it. And I know that things between us have changed, but I just don’t know what it means. I’m not sure that things won’t go back to the way they used to be, you know? Like when we get back home after graduation, maybe things will get better. Do you think that’s possible?”
“Are you actually asking me?” She started laughing, and I did too. Sunny had dated a handful of guys throughout the years, but they never lasted longer than six months. “Because you know I have no idea. You’re the only person I know who is married to their high school sweetheart.” She made a throwing-up face.
“We are not married,” I argued. “We don’t even live together.”
“Thank God for small miracles,” she breathed out, and I swatted her shoulder out of instinct more than anything else.
I was grateful, too, that Jared and I didn’t live together. Again, another red flag wildly waving itself in front of my eyes that I refused to acknowledge or see.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you still in love with Jared, or do you just love him?”
I swore she held her breath as she waited for my response, but her question honestly choked me up.
Of course I loved Jared. He had been there for me when my mom died. And we had been friends for years before we ever started dating. Loving Jared wasn’t a question at all. I absolutely loved and cared and wanted the best for him.
But was I in love with him?
“Earth to Danika.” Sunny snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “It wasn’t that hard of a question.” She narrowed her eyes to study me. “Or was it?”
“I was just thinking.”
“Thinking way too hard, if you ask me. You don’t even have to tell me anymore. I have my answer.”