“You could have told me.” He looked so disappointed and sad. “All this time, I thought you two were still together. I figured that’s why you stayed away from me.”
“I know that it might not make sense from your perspective, but after I ended things with Jared, I needed the time to figure out my heart. I wanted clarification. I couldn’t do that if I jumped straight from him to you.”
Chance nodded. “That makes sense. I hate it, but it makes sense.”
I smiled softly before continuing, “I wanted to tell you. So many times, I wanted to tell you, but then the semester was ending, and I was going home. And I didn’t want to start something when I was leaving for New York.”
“Danika, I would have started something with you if you were going to the moon. I just want to be with you.” Chance’s voice was so honest and vulnerable that it took everything in me not to crawl into his lap and kiss him again.
“I want to be with you too,” I admitted, and he reached out, his hand gripping one of mine.
“How did Jared take you breaking up with him? He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to just let you go without a fight,” he asked like there was something he wasn’t saying.
“He was surprisingly okay with it at the time. At least, that’s how he acted. Like he had known it was coming. Like he’d half-expected it. I don’t know. I’d thought he’d be pissed, but it seemed like he couldn’t have cared less,” I said, remembering that the biggest fight he’d put up about our breakup was just the other day. “He didn’t act that way in New York though.”
Chance removed his hand from mine as he sat up a little straighter. “What do you mean?”
“He came to my house, unannounced, and basically said he’d given me enough time.”
“Enough time for what?”
“To come to my senses,” I said, hopefully sounding as disgusted as Jared’s words had made me feel.
“What’d you say?”
“I told him that I still meant what I’d said and that I didn’t want to be with him.”
“Is that true? You don’t have any lingering feelings for him? You guys were together a long time. I’m sure it’s not that easy,” Chance asked, and I understood why he did. They were the same questions I’d asked myself over and over again.
It had honestly caught me off-guard, the way I felt after the breakup. Part of what had kept me holding on for so long was the fear that I might be making a mistake or that maybe this was just a phase our relationship was going through and it wouldn’t always be this way. Jared had been by my side for so many years, and I was used to him being there, felt like I owed him loyalty. What if I ended things and regretted it? That question had haunted me.
“I don’t regret breaking up with him. I’d thought I might before I actually did it, but once I did, I felt relieved. I don’t want him back. And it’s extremely fucked up, but I don’t even miss him,” I added because it was the truth.
“You’re sure?”
“I’ve never been surer about anything.” I wanted Chance to know that there was no competition here and that Jared was not a threat to our future.
The second he had walked out of my apartment, I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. My soul felt free and happy. The earth felt like she had opened all of her doors for me to do and be anything I wanted. I had known then that I’d made the right decision even if it had taken me way too long to make it. Better late than never.
“I can’t be a rebound, Danika. Not with you. This can’t be something you want to do to get it out of your system, and then you’ll go back to him after.”
Has he even been listening? I wondered before realizing something. “Are you feeling vulnerable right now?”
“I think so.” His eyes narrowed, and his expression shifted.
This was all new to him, and labeling his emotions wasn’t something he’d ever had to do before.
“It’s kind of sexy.”
“It doesn’t feel very sexy.” He shook his head, disagreeing with me, but he was wrong.
He looked so incredibly hot, sitting there with his heart in his hands, basically asking me not to break it without saying those exact words. I knew I needed to reassure him more, to let him know that I wanted to do this with him and only him.
“You could never be a fling. And this is not a rebound. Jared and I have been over for a long time, and we both knew it.”
“Then, why’d you stay?”
“Because it’s easy to stay when you’re comfortable and it’s familiar.”
“So then, why’d you break up with him?”
That was the question I’d been waiting for. “There were a lot of reasons. We stopped being good together. We fought all the time. That was all we seemed to do anymore.”
“Yeah, I saw some of that.”
“But I mostly broke up with him because I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I said before adding, “But I didn’t tell Jared that part.”
I watched as Chance swallowed hard, his throat bobbing with the action. “Well, he obviously knows about me.”
“And he assumes you had something to do with it. But I waited. I didn’t jump from him to you. I took my time,” I said, trying to rationalize my decisions even though I knew I didn’t need to.
“You took too damn long,” Chance growled, his confidence back. “And I don’t care what Jared thinks. Or says. You did the right thing by anyone’s standards. And Jesus, Danika, I don’t give a fuck. I just want you.”
“I want you too.”
“It’s about damn time,” he said before moving quicker than I’d anticipated. His hands were suddenly on my back, pulling me lower on the bed as he hovered over me, his muscles flexing, hair flopping over his green eyes.
“Don’t stop,” I pleaded because I’d waited too long for this moment, fantasized about what it would be like to touch him and have him touch me. I’d dreamed about it for months, even when I had no business doing it.
“I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you.” He leaned down to kiss me, taking my mouth like he owned it. And he did. He always had, even when it didn’t belong to him. “But there’s no way I can have you once and never have you again.”
“What do you mean?” I asked as I licked my lips, hoping to tease him.
“This. Sex. Us,” he said, still hovering over me, those broad shoulders just begging to be bit. “I want all of you. And not just for tonight.”
“What do you need from me, Chance?” I asked, forcing him to say the words out loud. “Tell me what you need.”
“I need us to be together. I need this to be real.” He wagged a finger between our two bodies. “I need you to be mine. My girlfriend.”
“Then, ask me.” I couldn’t stop grinning because I wanted this too.
“You want me to ask you?” He leaned back on his heels, taking his gorgeous body away from mine.
“Uh-huh,” I all but mumbled around my smile, missing his nearness.
“No,” he said, his face serious, and I got nervous. “If we do this, we’re together. We’re not seeing other people. We’re not casually dating. We’re not friends with benefits. We’re a couple. You’re my girl. And I’m your guy. Any questions?”