Did I physically hurt her? I lift the sheets once again and run my eyes over her exposed skin but see no physical signs.
I crawl out of bed and stumble to the en suite bathroom. I wash my face with cold water and brush my teeth with a random toothbrush. I’ll use anything to get this awful taste out of my mouth. Then I use the mouthwash. The taste no longer lingers, but my mouth feels like fucking sandpaper.
What the hell did I do last night? And how did April end up here? Did I fuck her? I don’t remember shit!
I run a hand through my hair. It’s standing every which way. There are dark circles under my bloodshot eyes. And a cut in the corner of my upper lip. Not the first time I’ve woken up in this situation, just wondering how she got involved in it.
The bathroom door opens, and Titan enters. He takes one look at me naked and shakes his head, looking away. He tosses me a pair of gray sweatpants that are in his hand, and I sit my ass on the side of the tub to put them on, not trusting my balance to stand.
Once on, I stay sitting and place my elbows on my knees and lean forward. My face falls into my hands. “What happened?” I clear my throat at my rough voice and rub my throbbing temples.
“You got fucked up,” he answers simply.
“No.” I shake my head. “We had plans …”
“She found you at the Airport. On drugs and with Lucy.”
“Fuck!” How did I end up with Lucy? I can’t remember. And what the fuck was I on? “What all did I do?” I ask roughly. “With … Lucy?” I hate having to ask that question, but it’s a possibility. The drugs and women run hand-in-hand. I get high, and get my dick sucked. Then I pass out and wake up alone. And I’ve always been okay with that.
“That’s something that you need to discuss with April,” he answers.
That doesn’t make me feel any better. I drop my hands and lift my head to look up at him.
He leans up against the closed bathroom door with his arms crossed over his chest wearing a scowl on his face. “She and Jasmine found you passed out in a room on the floor.” I swallow. “Jasmine called me. April was crying.” I close my eyes. “Said they couldn’t get you to wake up, but you had vomited on her.”
“Fuck! Fuck!”
He sighs. “Emilee and I came back from New York early and went and picked you guys up. Brought you both back to our place. I had some Kingdom shirts in my car, so Emilee helped her clean up and change. I put you in the shower and cleaned you off.”
I stand, and the room sways, so I place my hand on the wall to stabilize myself. And Titan steps into me. “She didn’t want to stay with you.”
Then why did I wake up with her? “But she …”
“She stayed ’cause she didn’t want you to die in your own vomit while you slept off whatever the fuck you had taken.” His voice rises. “She didn’t want that on her conscience. Whatever the hell you’re doing, you need to stop.”
My eyes narrow on him. “What does that mean?” My drugs and drinking aren’t new to them.
“Whatever fascination you have with April. Cut it off now.”
“Fuck you, Titan!” I push off the wall.
He shoves me back. He comes to stand against me, pinning my back to the wall next to the tub. “I’ve never told you what to do, Grave. It’s not my place. But whatever you’re doing with her. Call it off! Now!”
“Fucking move …” I go to shove him away, but he doesn’t budge. He’s too strong, and I’m too weak at the moment. A night of endless drugs will do that to you.
He leans down, his lips by my ear. “She’s better than you. Deserves better than you.” I stiffen at his words. “She cares too much for someone who has a death wish. Stick with fucking Lucy. She’s more your speed.” Then he steps back, digs his hand into his pocket, and pulls out a bottle of pills. “April found these in your jeans.” He throws them at my chest before exiting.
I spin around and punch the fucking wall, putting a hole in the sheetrock. Leaning my head against it, I close my eyes as I try to calm my breathing.
He’s right!
April doesn’t belong in my world. My mess. Lucy reveled in it. Begged for another hit. Begged for me to bring another girl into our bed. She likes her life dirty. Just like me. But I’ve been clean. For April. So why did I fuck it up?
I push off the wall and yank the bathroom door open and go to storm out of the bedroom but come to a halt when I see April standing by the bed. Her ice blue eyes red and swollen.
APRIL
He stands there staring at me with hard eyes as though last night was my fault. They fall to my legs, and I push the oversized shirt down, trying to cover myself.
He notices and looks away from me, his jaw sharpening in the process.
I take in his body. He only wears a pair of sweatpants. They sit low on his narrow hips. His defined V fully on display. I can make out the softness of his dick behind them. Normally, I would blush at what we’ve done in bed, but all I can think of is what he did with Lucy last night.
“Grave!” I fall to his side in the center of the room. His eyes are closed, and his lips parted. “Grave, wake up!” I shout, tears burning my eyes.
Jasmine falls down next to me and pulls her cell out of her pocket.
I cry as I touch his neck with shaky hands. His skin is clammy and pale. Please don’t be dead. “What did you do, baby? What did you take?”
I wanted to wake him up. Scream at him. Pound on his chest and ask what the hell do you think you’re doing? Why do you waste your life? But I didn’t. I learned a very important lesson last night.
They don’t call him Grave for nothing.
“Are you even sorry?” I ask, breaking the awkward silence.
His eyes come back to mine, but he doesn’t answer.
I nod, getting my answer. I reach down and grab my phone off the floor and turn to walk toward the door. I’m pulled to a stop with a hand on my upper arm. I almost cry out from his touch alone. I put my head down, staring at the floor as tears begin to burn my eyes.
He gently turns me around and lifts my chin for me to look at him. My eyes shoot to the left, staring at a speck on the wall, not wanting to make eye contact.
“Did I hurt you?” he questions roughly.
Just my pride. “No,” I growl, mad at myself. That first tear runs down my cheek, and I bite my bottom lip in shame that I let him affect me this much. That I actually care that he stood me up to get high and fuck his fuck buddy. The one that he blatantly lied about not fucking anymore.
He lets go of my arm, cups my face with one hand, and wipes it away with his thumb.
My eyes finally meet his, and he stares down at me, giving nothing away. He’s hiding behind a wall a mile high. I look down and see a bottle of pills in his other hand. The same ones I found on him last night when I tried to shake him awake. When I screamed his name in the middle of the room, and no one helped me. No one seemed to care he wasn’t responding except for Jasmine. She was just as frantic as I was.
“Why do you do it?” I ask, my voice shaking. I feel like I was blinded to who he really is. To what he wants. It was all a lie, and I believed it. Last night opened my eyes. It’s not hard to figure out this is his lifestyle. Last night wasn’t just a one-time night with friends. How many times have I been with him, and he was high that I didn’t know about? Is he just that good at hiding it? Or am I just that blind?