I finish up in the shower and find a Kingdom shirt and a pair of clean jeans on the bed. I pull them on and make my way downstairs. “Where is she?” I ask the moment I enter the kitchen. Everyone is accounted for except her.
No one looks up at me but Titan. He walks past me and down the hall. I follow him. He comes to a stop at a door, and he opens it quietly. My heart stops when I see April. She lies on her side, in the fetal position facing me. Her eyes are tightly shut, and her body shakes with soft sobs.
I rush over to her. “April?” I ask hoarsely.
She doesn’t open her eyes. Instead, she begins to sob louder. Harder.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, reaching out and running my busted knuckles down her tear-streaked face.
She buries her head into the comforter as her hands grip it. I pull away from her and get into bed where I can pull her into my lap. “April …”
She sobs. I silently rock her back and forth while she breaks in my arms. “If it’s because of me, talk to me please, baby.” Is she injured?
She starts pounding her fists into my chest, and I let her.
“Tell me you’re okay.” Maybe it’s just an emotional breakdown.
“I’ll never be okay,” she cries.
“April …”
She jumps up from my arms and out of bed. I stand to follow her but stay where I am when I see she’s just going over to her purse. She bends down, digging through it. And pulls something out. Coming back over to me, she shoves it into my chest. I grab it and look down. It’s a pregnancy test. I swallow as I look at it.
She’s pregnant.
I got her pregnant. Then I failed her. I showed her that I’m nothing. Just like her father. I can’t be there for her. Not the way she needs. Now I’m going to be a father. “I … I’m sorry.” I swallow the lump in my throat. Looking back up at her, I take her hand in mine.
I believe in second chances, Titan had said. He knew. She will never forgive you … so does Emilee. They all do. I’m the last one to find out.
Tears run down her face, and I lick my lips. “I can do better. I will be better. For you … for the baby …”
Her bottom lip begins to tremble.
“I know I can. I love you, April.” She closes her eyes. “I …”
“I can’t trust you,” she whispers softly.
My heart breaks at her words. “April …” I try to tell her that she can, but my throat closes. My chest tightens. She’s right. She can’t.
“I’m gonna have this baby, Grave. But I won’t raise him or her in a world where their father is always high.”
She pulls away from me, and I allow it. I stand in the middle of my brother’s spare bedroom while she crawls back into the bed and cries. I remain silent, unable to move. Barely able to breathe at the tightness in my chest.
She’s right.
And it hurts like fucking hell. Minutes, maybe hours pass by before her cries stop, and her breathing evens out. She’s fallen asleep, and I’ve just stood here. Numb. Without turning to look back at her, I finally get my heavy feet to move. I walk out the front door of my brother’s house without bothering to say a word to anyone.
And Emilee’s words finally make sense. She will never look at you and not hate you for what you did to her! She was also right. April will never forgive me, and I’ll never forgive myself.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
GRAVE
I STAND NEXT to the bed once again. My face is swollen and still pounds. I need a fucking hit, but I became a different man last night. I don’t want to bury what I feel.
Leaning down, I kiss her forehead. She doesn’t even stir. “I love you, April.” Then I turn and grab the bag that I packed when I went home last night.
I walk through my brother’s house again and out the front door. I walk over to my car and open the driver’s side door.
“Running away?”
I look up to see Titan outside on his front porch. A coffee mug in one hand and his cell in the other. “You ever sleep?”
“Nope.” He stands, and his eyes drop to my bag, but he doesn’t say anything.
I run a hand through my hair. And my eyes meet his. I’m going to face this head-on. Taking in a deep breath, I say, “I need a favor.”
He gets up from his porch and starts to walk over to his three-car garage. “Let’s go.”
I make my way to him and get into his car. We pull out of his driveway and through the gate. I reach up and remove my eyebrow piercing, lip piercing, and then my watch. I place them all in his center console.
He remains silent as he gets on the interstate. I look out over Las Vegas as the sun starts to rise, knowing that today is a new day and a fresh start. That second chance Titan was talking about to make things right. To be who she needs.
He pulls into the roundabout and comes to a stop. We sit in silence as I look over the building before us. It’s white stucco with big bushes surrounding the building. It looks like a retreat. Somewhere I’d never go. But April has brought me here. She’s going to save my life.
“You know …” Titan breaks the silence, and I look over at him. “We may not be blood, but I’ve always considered you a brother.”
I swallow through the tightness in my throat at his words.
He reaches across the center console and pulls me in for a tight hug. I slap his back, trying to hold back my emotion. I hate how much I feel. I’ve always tried to smother it, but not anymore. “Take care of her for me?” I ask him when he pulls away.
He nods. “Of course.”
I pull my cell out of my back pocket and hand it over to him.
“Want me to walk you in?” he asks, looking over at the double doors.
I chuckle at that. “No. I think I can manage.”
He looks over at me without an ounce of humor in his dark blue eyes. “I’m here for you, Grave. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it.”
I nod, unable to voice my gratitude, again that knot back in my throat. Then I turn and exit his car, knowing I’m about to give up any freedom that I have.
APRIL
I open my heavy eyes and roll over. My head pounds, and my eyes are puffy. I’m pretty sure I cried in my sleep.
I’m pregnant. That’s why I’ve been sick to my stomach. I just thought it was because of everything that has been going on, but then I realized I was late, so I took a test.
I don’t know how it happened. I’ve been on birth control the entire time. I never missed a pill. But we never used a condom.
I place my hand over my face and take a deep breath. I’m going to do this on my own. All by myself. If I had a choice, I’d have him right beside me, but he’s not ready. Not for me or a baby.
Sitting up, I see a folded piece of paper on the bed. I open it up, and my hands begin to shake.
My beautiful April,
I’m sorry I had to go. I’m going to get the help I need. I’m sorry I wasn’t big enough to do it on my own. It took you entering my life to show me that I needed it. I’ve failed you. And it kills me to know that I hurt you. I don’t expect you to wait on me, but just know that you’re all I want. I love you and our baby more than anything in this world. I’m going to be a man and prove it to you.