We had bigger problems to dwell on than these wild ones for now. They seemed aware of the prison, knew about the security cameras, and they’d kept their distance. They weren’t a threat.
For now.
I place two rucksacks from the store of supplies in front of me. I fill them with some rations of food, skeins of water, and zonnoblasters, one for Julie and one for me. There are two wicked sharp laser knives and I tuck one into each of our packs. I don’t relish the thought of tracking down the monsters, but I’ll do anything if it means keeping Avrell alive. Even if it means risking my own.
My chest grows tight and I have to pause for a moment in my work to rub at the space between my breasts that throbs with misery. He’s a jerk, sure, but I can’t stand to see him so weak and on the verge of death. Sometimes, when he looks at me, I can feel him saying goodbye and I want to scream and cry and rage.
The idiot.
Doesn’t he know I can’t do this without him?
Doesn’t he know the real reason why I was so upset at his appearance was because I was afraid?
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of death.
I’ve always been so afraid.
The only way to deal with it is to cover it up with healthy doses of rage. Rage is easy, but fear…fear is debilitating. It’d be all too easy to let fear consume me and drown me in its depths, but I can’t.
I have to fight.
I have to fight for Avrell.
“Let’s do this,” comes Julie’s voice from the doorway. I turn and match her tremulous smile. At least I’m not the only one who’s scared. It helps that I’m not alone. With these people, morts included, I’ll never have to be afraid and alone again.
“How are you feeling?” I ask as I get to my feet.
She bats my hands away when I attempt to lay one across her forehead to get a check on her temperature. “I’m fine. You’re as bad as Avrell. I feel much better after getting some sleep.”
“Are you sure? We can wait a few more hours if it would help. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, too fast.”
Julie rolls her eyes. “I take it back. You’re worse than Avrell. Let’s go kill some monsters.”
I hold my tongue. She wouldn’t lie about her capabilities. Not when it could mean one of us could be hurt. We help each other into our zu-gear and shoulder our rucksacks.
“What’s the plan?” Julie asks.
“Avrell believes ingesting raw meat from one of those rabid wolves may be the cure he needs.”
“Ew,” she says, pulling a face. “Why in the hell would he want to do that?”
“Well, you saw those other…alien things. They ate the meat raw. They aren’t infected with The Rades. Avrell thinks there may be antibodies of some sort in the raw meat that will cure him and the others.”
Julie doesn’t look convinced. “He’s the genius, I guess. I’m just glad to be out of that room. Do you think we’ll be able to track one of those bastards down?”
We’ll have to. “We saw one of them run into the tunnels underneath the prison. We’ll start there and see if we can hunt it down. You’ve got a zonnoblaster, keep it with you. There’s also a knife in the front pocket of your rucksack.”
“Excellent,” she says, sounding almost enthused. I guess I would be too if I’d been stuck in bed for days on end.
I haven’t been down in the tunnels since the guard first escaped and kidnapped Willow. We’d come so close to losing her I’d vowed to never go down there again. The tunnels are dark and dank. A cold chill seeps through and coats my skin, despite my zu-gear. Every time we turn around a corner, I expect to come face-to-face with another one of those monsters.
Julie holds her zonnoblaster up in front of her like she’s a pro, efficiently scanning each tunnel with the flashlight we affixed to the top before signaling me to go forward. It’s like she has no fear.
“So, what’s your story?” she asks when we’ve cleared the last of the shorter tunnels and reach the long one that will bring us to the outdoor access.
I shrug. “No story, really. Same as everyone else, I guess.”
“C’mon. We may be eaten alive by alien monsters. The least you could do is give me the juice. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” She sends me a teasing look behind her mask.
I’ve never told anyone about the circumstances behind my sentencing to Exilium, never dared. I didn’t want them to think any less of me. We all had reasons for being sent to the prison and not all of them were good ones. Most of the women couldn’t help their circumstances, but I could. Maybe I’m a monster, too.
“Well, you know I was a nurse on Earth II?” I say as more of a question. At her nod, I continue. “I worked on the terminal illness ward. The place where they send everyone who isn’t important enough or wealthy enough to afford a cure for their illnesses.”
“I’ve heard of those,” Julie says. She’s not teasing anymore. Her voice is somber over the communicator in my ear.
“It’s part of why I volunteered to work with the infected here. It’s all I’ve been doing since I could work. No one else wanted the job and my parents needed the money.”
We pause at a sound coming from the shadows at the end of the tunnel. A moment stretches into eternity and when the only sound I hear is the heartbeat in my ears, Julie signals me forward.
“Anyway, I helped the doctors care for the patients. We didn’t have degrees or any other training than what we learned on the go—the hospital administration didn’t care about the patients in the terminal ward. They were dying anyway, so why waste the good nurses on them?”
“Assholes,” Julie mutters.
“I agree. These people were suffering. They were never given the proper care or even a basic level of pain management. Working there was some of the darkest days of my life. People young and old, men and women. They’d beg me to end their pain.” My voice falters and I swallow hard to regain control. “You see, the hospital received a grant from the government for the people on the terminal ward to help pay for their care. Except the money didn’t ever go to the patients.”
“Naturally,” Julie growls.
It’s an unfortunate truth that the wealthy are the only people who matter on Earth II, those who can afford to pay exorbitant prices for health care, amenities, and education. Everyone else merely serves to support their wealthy counterparts’ lifestyle. We’re a means to an end.
“So I would take care of these people who led the worst kind of existence. Eventually, my parents were killed, and I had nothing left to live for. I felt like the patients I was looking after…like I was on the long, slow march to death. But it was the children who had it worst of all. I couldn’t take watching them suffer.
“One day, I snuck to the pharmacy where they kept the narcotics. I managed to steal enough for every patient in the terminal ward.” My voice drones on, robotic. I tell the story as though I’m viewing it from someone else’s point of view. “I gave them all a fatal dose. There were about twenty patients total. I sat with them until they quickly died. Then, I turned myself in.”
Julie is quiet for a long time.
I don’t blame her.