* * *
“ANYONE WANT TO TELL ME why my house is condemned?” Crystal asks before taking a drag of her cigarette. I pluck it out of her wrinkled lips and put it out in the ashtray.
After Dare drove us to where Jess remembered leaving the 4Runner, we got a call from Henry asking us to come over, so we could hash everything out. Dare offered to come with us, but he has to work, and this isn’t his mess. Besides, I don’t necessarily love the idea of him meeting Crystal. Ever.
“Should I have paid your bills while you were locked up?” I ask.
“Well, it would’ve been the decent thing to do,” she says.
Jess snorts out a bitter laugh, and I try to smother my own with the back of my hand. “Tell me more about how to be decent like you,” Jess says, sarcasm dripping from every word. “The only reason you’re here is because your boyfriend is still behind bars and you have no one else.”
“All right, all right,” Henry says, standing next to the fireplace. Crystal sits on one end of the couch, and Jesse and I are huddled together on the other end.
I was afraid of what I’d find when I went to wake Jess earlier, but to my surprise, he’d already been awake and showered. And when I asked him how he was feeling, he acted like nothing happened at all. I have a feeling it will all come out sooner or later, though.
“Someone better start talking,” I say, cutting to the chase. No one speaks. “Okay, I’ll make it easy on you. Henry, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re not, in fact, our dad?”
Henry adjusts his ball cap, clearing his throat before answering. “No.”
Jess grits his jaw next to me but doesn’t react otherwise. He’s sitting slightly behind me, his back all the way up against the cushion while I’m leaning forward with my elbows on top of my knees. I reach my open palm behind my back, and Jess puts his hand in mine. I give it a squeeze of reassurance.
“How long have you known?”
“I always knew you weren’t mine,” he says to me, and despite myself, I feel a jolt of disappointment at the fact. “I didn’t meet your mother until you were two. I thought maybe Jesse was, for a while, but the dates didn’t add up. She always insisted that he was mine, so eventually, I figured, what the hell do I know about pregnancy?”
I never questioned why Jess and I didn’t have Henry’s last name. I always assumed it was because they were never married.
“It’s not exactly rocket science,” Jess deadpans.
“Yeah, well, you’d be surprised at what you can convince yourself of if you really want it,” Henry says, looking at the steel toe of his boots.
“So, why’d you leave? If you wanted it so badly?” Jess asks.
“Because he’s a selfish shit,” Crystal spits.
Henry’s face reddens and contorts with anger like I’ve never seen coming from him. “I was selfish,” he agrees. “I was selfish when I stayed with you for years because I loved those fucking kids even though you’d use them as leverage or threaten to take them away every time something didn’t go your way. It was selfish of me to pretend they were mine. And yes, it was selfish of me to leave them to finally get the fuck away from your crazy ass.”
Crystal jumps off the couch, getting in Henry’s face. They argue for a minute, but I don’t hear it. Years of practice have made me a professional at blocking her voice out once it reaches a certain decibel.
“How did Eric contact you?” I ask, interrupting their yelling.
Crystal turns to face me, her expression full of resentment. “He came to visit me in jail, unlike my children. He put money on my books for smokes. He told me he was worried about you and couldn’t find you, so I gave him your new number. Told him I thought you were staying with Henry. What’s the big deal?”
I roll my eyes, letting out a hollow laugh. “I’m done here,” I say, standing. “Henry, thanks for letting us crash here, but I think our time is up.”
The look in Henry’s eyes almost makes me feel bad, but he’s not the victim here. Jess is. “Crystal, you can fuck off. For good.”
Jess follows me out, without a word to either one of them. We get into the trusty old Toyota, and I start the engine.
“Lo?” Jess asks, eyes focused on something outside his window.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to go back to The Bay.”
“This doesn’t change anything,” I assure him as I drive us home. To Dare’s.
* * *
Three weeks later
“OKAY. I’VE GOT YOU DOWN for next Thursday at noon. See you then,” Lo says before hanging up the phone. I walk up behind her, gathering her hair into my fist before scooping it out of the neck of the hoodie she commandeered from me. She tilts her head back, flashing me one of her real smiles, and I kiss her forehead. Funny how I went from not being comfortable with affection to constantly needing to touch her in just a few weeks.
“How could you ever think you’re a monster?” she muses, looking up into my eyes. I give her hair a tug before letting go. I still haven’t come clean about everything. I know I should, but things have been good for once, and I didn’t want to do anything to throw a wrench in it.
Crystal reluctantly went back to Oakland. Jesse’s doing well in school. We haven’t heard anything from Eric. They’ve even talked to Henry a few times. Lo won’t admit it, but she was more hurt than she led on. I know she wants Henry to stay in their lives in some capacity, even if he isn’t their biological father. I think we all know that blood doesn’t mean shit.
It’s been three weeks of fucking and laughing and eating and drinking and falling in love with Lo. Watching my friends fall in love with her and Jess. So, why dig up the past? That would be self-sabotaging behavior.
“Ready to go?” I ask Lo a couple of hours later after everyone has gone home for the night.
“Yep,” she says, bending over to pick up her bag from underneath the front desk. I lock up, then we trudge through the snow to my truck.
Once we’re home, we head straight upstairs. Lo talked me into buying a TV for my room, so we’ve gotten in the habit of falling asleep to a movie almost every night.
She drops her bag onto my bed—our bed, I should say, because even though I said she could have her own room, we both knew that shit wasn’t happening—and fishes out a Redbox DVD with a goofy smile on her face.
“What is it? If you make me watch Grandma’s Boy one more time…” I say, wary of her selection. She has the same taste in movies as a college frat boy.
“First of all, that movie is a national treasure,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Second of all, no. It’s even better.” She tosses me the red plastic container, and I open it up to find The Nightmare Before Christmas.
“Good one,” I say, a smirk tugging at my lips.
“’Tis the season. I just need a shower first,” she says, stripping out of her clothes as she walks toward the bathroom.
“Weird, so do I.” I follow her, staring at her perky, round ass as I pull my shirt over my head and kick off my jeans and boots. One of the best parts about living with Lo is getting to shower with her.