"Bloody hell, Cat," Alex said. He shoved his hands through his hair and threw himself backward into the chair. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."
"How?" Speaking that solitary word seemed like an enormous effort of will.
Alex studied me for a moment, and in his eyes, I glimpsed a maelstrom of emotions. Fear. Anger. Pain. Other things I couldn't decipher.
Never had I seen him so…distraught.
He did "distraught" in typical Alex fashion, concealing the depths of his distress and letting only the surface emotions show. How could I call his reaction typical? I'd never seen him like this before. Alex was always calm and rational, passionate in bed but otherwise in control, even when he laughed.
And yet I loved him. So much.
"How is it your fault?" I asked.
"It's complicated," he said carefully. "The details aren't important right now. Just know that you are not going to jail. I will not allow that happen. And your arrest record will be expunged."
The clouds in my mind began to clear while I sat there looking at him, at the man I loved and trusted. And I suddenly realized one vital fact. "You know why I was arrested."
"It doesn't matter now." He stood and closed his eyes, holding still for a moment as if he needed to consider his next move carefully. Then he knelt in front of me. "I'm not going to explain any of this. You'll either trust me to take care of things, or you won't."
"That's not good enough, Alex. I deserve the truth. I demand it."
He stared at me, his eyes clear and his demeanor calm. "I can't do that, Catriona."
"Yes, you can." I leaned forward until our noses almost touched and looked straight into his eyes. "Either tell me what is going on, or I will walk out that door and never come back."
Alex kept his gaze on mine, without blinking. "Do what you need to do."
"Dammit, Alex." I slapped my hands on his chest and shoved hard, but he stayed exactly where he was. "Why won't you talk to me? All I want is the truth."
"And that's the one thing I can't give you. Not today. Maybe never."
I gaped at him, searching his eyes and his expression for some sign of the man I knew. It was like he'd mutated into a different form of life that mimicked humanity but was completely alien to me. Whose eyes was I gazing into? Who was this man?
Not Alex. Not anymore.
A chill rattled through me, raising the hairs all over my body and freezing them stiff.
"Then there's only one thing left to say," I told him. "Goodbye, Alex."
He rose and stepped back, giving me room to walk away.
I gathered clothes into a suitcase and carried it to the door. As I laid my hand on the knob, I glanced back at Alex. He stood exactly where he'd been when I rushed into the bedroom to pack.
Though his gaze was aimed at me, I had the strangest feeling that he wasn't really looking at me.
Another chill rattled me.
"I'll come back for the rest of my things," I said, "while you're at work. This is the last time you'll see me, Alex."
Please say something, please beg me not to go and tell me what the hell happened today.
"Goodbye, Catriona."
That was all he said, so I walked out. I flew home the next day, giving up the two years of work I'd completed toward getting my PhD, and started over back in Scotland. Transferring to a new university didn't cost me time in terms of earning my degree. But it cost me so much more in ways that left me scarred on the inside.
I never saw Alex again until that day at Dùndubhan.
Chapter Thirteen
Alex
When I venture downstairs, I find Cat in the kitchen making food. It looks like more than she would eat, so I assume she plans to rope me into sharing breakfast with her. Since I've stopped in the hall, at an angle to the kitchen door where she can't see me, I have two choices. Give in and eat with her. Or flee.
Neither one appeals to me.
So I retreat into my study, taking a seat behind the desk in the leather chair that matches the one in my office on campus. If Catriona wants me to have breakfast with her, she'll need to sit across the desk from me. I glance toward the windows and the bench beneath them. She could sit over there, but that will still keep a distance between us. In fact, it might be better than the chairs on the other side of the desk, since I'll be sideways to her.
I grab a folder from a drawer, choosing one at random, and slide the papers out of it so they lie on my desk in slight disarray. There. Now it looks like I'm busy working on…whatever. I can use that as an excuse to ignore Cat if she insists on invading my study.
My tactic does smell suspiciously like desperation.
No, it's a brilliant plan. Clever. Pragmatic. Not desperate.
The Fates decide to demonstrate their disdain for me yet again by inspiring Cat to sashay into my study thirty seconds after I formulate my brilliant plan.
I focus on my papers, though I have no bloody idea what the pages say. "Busy, Cat. No time to entertain you."
Peripherally, I see her carry a tray of food into the room and set it down on one of the chairs, but I don't pay attention to what's on the tray.
"Go away, Cat."
"But I made you breakfast."
The sultry tone of her voice sends a strange excitement crackling through me. I can smell her too, the feminine scent of her, even through the aromas of the food. Breakfast smells so good my stomach grumbles, but the scent of her makes my cock ache.
"Afraid you'll have to eat alone," I tell her. "As I said, I'm busy."
"Doing what?" She perches on the edge of my desk, plants a hand on it, and leans toward me. She peers down at my papers. "You're too busy to eat because you need to review the instructions for your laser printer?"
Christ, I forgot she can read upside down. I also had no clue what papers I'd dropped on my desk.
"Yes, I need the instructions," I say, trying not to sound annoyed but failing in the attempt. "So I can troubleshoot the printer. It's not working the way I want it to."
If my printer could somehow drive Catriona away, that would be bloody brilliant. It can't do that, though, can it? I'm beginning to think nothing short of alien abduction will drive her away. Maybe I can arrange that. I do know a few college students who are obsessed with UFOs.
Now I stink of desperation.
Cat leans in more. "You have to eat, Alex."
"Not if I'm on a fasting diet, I don't."
"You? Dieting?" She laughs. "The man who once ate ten pancakes in one sitting wants me to believe he's given up food."
"Only for a week or so." However long it will take to get rid of her. "Then I might go on a wheat grass and grapefruit juice diet."
She taps my nose. "You're doing it again, Alex. If this, might that. Why is honesty so difficult for you?"
I drop the pen I hadn't realized I picked up and slump in my chair. "What are the odds I can make you leave me alone?"