“To start?” I blinked. “Uhm, I thought I was here for an interview?”
“Well, I considered our phone call yesterday the interview, this is your first day. Congratulations.” He nodded. “This is a marvelous opportunity for you. Very marvelous and very great. There’s lots of money to be made here. Lots and lots of money.”
“About that … What’s the salary?”
“You’ll find our compensation scheme is very, very generous.” He nodded. “You won’t be disappointed. Let’s go to my office and we can discuss.”
“Uhm, okay.” I followed behind him and as we passed Andrew, I looked down at the plastic bags. Each bag contained a hairbrush, comb, and hairspray. “And you’ll tell me exactly what the position is? Sorry, but I feel like I don’t even know what the job is.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be great. Maybe you’ll be a manager by next month.” John Boy’s fingers seemed to twitch, and I wanted to tell him he still had answered none of my questions. We finally made it into his office, which, to be fair, looked nice with its large wooden desk and iMac computer. “Have a seat.” He nodded to the leather chair, and I sat down as he walked to his seat on the other side of the desk. “So, will you be using a credit card or check today?”
“What?”
“We take Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Discover,” he smiled widely. “And checks.”
“I didn’t bring any checks, but I noted my routing and account information ...” I frowned. “I can fill that in when I fill out the payroll info, though. I didn’t know you could pay people through their credit cards.”
“Oh, we will give you checks. The credit card is for the payment you’re making today.”
“Payment for what?” Sweat started to trickle down the back of my neck.
“Well, that’s up to you. Would you prefer to be a bronze, silver, gold, or platinum employee?” He beamed at me. “All of them are great, but obviously you’ll make more money when you start off at a higher level.”
“Start off with what?” My fingers clutched the side of my bag. What the hell was he talking about?
“Well, as you can see, we are the number-one retailer for top-quality hairbrushes, combs, and sprays, and our packets go for the cheap price of $25. We try to sell our packs to stores and hairdressers across the country.”
“Uhm, okay ...” I bit down on my lower lip. “And so what would my role be?”
“Well, you would be the most important person in the company. Your role in sales would have you cold-calling customers to make appointments to show our first-class goods. Then you will take them directly to the customers’ houses and sell them. We have several other products you can upsell them with to make even more money.”
“Okay.” My heart was racing now and my brain was wondering if I could run out of his office without him catching me. “So, what’s with the different levels?”
“Well, obviously we can’t just trust you with the products. You choose a starting level of products to buy and sell. As an employee, you will receive a discount, so you can buy the packets at $20 and sell them for whatever you want.”
“You want me to buy the products I’m supposed to sell for you?” My jaw dropped. “What?”
“And if you have any friends or family who might be interested in this amazing investment opportunity, you get a discount. So, each friend you refer that signs up to be a salesperson gives you $1 off each package.” He grinned. “For life.”
“Is there a salary as well?” My voice trailed off. I wasn’t even sure why I was asking, there was no way I was working here.
“Of course.” He held up a laminated sheet. “If you start at our platinum level, your buy-in is $5000, but you will start at $6 an hour. The $6 is earned by you going through our lists and calling to make appointments for all our salespeople. Also, you will help to pack the bags. You have to work a minimum of twenty hours here in the office, but the rest of the time you can spend in the field, selling.”
“Oh, okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was torn between tears and hysterical laughter. I was hoping he’d say, “Joke, I got ya, you’re on a hidden camera TV show!” or something, but I knew that wasn’t about to happen. I’d come all the way to Jersey for a pyramid scheme and not even a very good one at that. “Uhm, so I think that I will have to pass on this opportunity.” I stood up. “I heard back from someone else and, uh, that job seems more suited to me.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond and hurried out of his office and toward the entrance. My heart was racing, and I almost ran into the elevator when it arrived. I took two deep breaths and grabbed my phone to call Lucy. She would totally laugh when I told her this story. This didn’t even feel like real life. Only I would respond to an ad for a “job” like this.
I ran out of the elevator when it arrived on the first floor and it wasn’t a surprise to see the security guard still chatting on the phone as I exited the building. He didn’t even look up at me as I hurried out. I should have known when I’d seen him that that entire thing would be a fiery mess.
“How did it go?” Lucy answered on the first ring. I groaned loudly in response. “Uh oh, that bad?”
“Worse.”
“What were you selling?”
“You don’t want to know!”
“Sex toys?”
“I wish.” I laughed. “Girl, I will tell you when I get home. I’m so depressed. This sucks.”
“Why don’t you reply to that other job, then?”
“I guess so, it literally can’t be worse than the nightmare I’m just leaving.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to hear more.”
“Trust me, you will laugh all night long.” I sighed. “I’ll see you at home? I need to run to the train and then I will email The Wade Hart back.” I chewed on my lower lip for a few seconds. “I just pray to God that this is a genuine job and not some bullshit scheme. Telling me I can earn six-figures by donating six-figures or something.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’ll tell you later.” I laughed, feeling better just hearing her voice. “I hope your day is going better than mine. See you later.”
I hung up and ran my fingers through my hair and shook my head. I had never expected that life would be so hard after college. I’d thought once I’d gotten into Columbia, my entire life would just be amazing. I had never expected that I’d graduate without a job and mountains of debt. And even if I wanted my parents to help, they couldn’t. My dad worked for a small paper in Brevard County and my mom had been a stay-at-home parent, taking care of me and my younger brother. My dad still worked, but he didn’t make much money. And he was helping my brother pay for college at UCF. There was no way I could ask him to help me out. My only options were finding a job to help me pay my bills or moving back home. And as much as I’d loved Palm Bay, I was in no hurry to go back. I’d respond to Mr. Hart and see how I felt about the job after the interview. And if push came to shove, I’d get a job waitressing in a restaurant or something.