“What?” Lo laughs. “The one in the living room?”
“Yeah. It’s like one of those gators in the bayou threw up a garden.”
“Yeah, it’s bad,” she says, and we share a laugh that dies at the same time. “I miss MiMi so much.”
“She was amazing.” I swipe at the corners of my eyes, surprised by the tears. “I wish I’d had more time with her.”
“You had the time you were supposed to have. I believe we go where we’re supposed to go when we’re supposed to and that people are in our lives when they’re supposed to be.”
“What if they never should have been in your life at all?” I bite my lip. “I wish I’d never met Caleb.”
“He’s an asshole, but your experience with him taught you a lot about yourself and made you stronger than anyone I know.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoff, picking at a faded flower on the upholstery.
“Listen to me, Bo.” Lo’s firm voice gets my attention. “The struggle made you stronger. Lesson learned. Move on and show the world what a survivor looks like.”
“I just feel haunted by my mistakes,” I whisper, clenching my eyes closed. “And like everyone will see me as weak.”
“Weak?” Lo scoffs. “Fuck ’em. If they haven’t walked in your shoes, haven’t had to fight for their lives and for their kid’s life, haven’t had to survive what you survived, and lived to tell it, they have no room to judge.”
“Lo.” I can’t manage anything more.
“You have Sarai. You have August. You have me. You had MiMi,” she says vehemently. “One person in your life was an asshole, and you evicted him as soon as you could. I’m proud of you.”
The words spread over me like salve, and I can’t speak because of the emotion choking me—because of how much that means.
“I guess August is losing his mind,” Lo says after a few seconds of silence, shifting the subject.
“Pretty much.” I shove my fingers through my tangled hair and sniff. “He was trying really hard to stay calm for my sake, but ‘lose your shit’ was all in his voice.”
“He loves you.”
“Yeah, he does.” I smile wider. “I love him, too.”
“You sound a lot better than I thought you would.”
“I feel better.” I shrug. “It’s like, yes, I hate that people will know, and I don’t know what this will mean for Caleb—his career, endorsements, and all that stuff. He’s so insulated by his money and his father’s power. I don’t think this alone will take him down. I’m more concerned about him pursuing custody of Sarai at some point.”
My phone signals an incoming call.
“Hey, this is August,” I say hastily. “I’ll call you back.”
I click over and settle back on the ugly couch. “August, hey.”
“Hey.” He sounds tired. “I’m on my way.”
“You’re on the plane?” I ask, my voice and my heart lifting.
“Even better. Flight just landed, and I’m in the car. According to navigation, I should be there in like two hours.”
“Thank you, August.” Some of the tightness in my chest loosens knowing he’s coming.
“Babe, don’t thank me. There’s nowhere else I want to be.”
“Wait.” I sit up, frowning, mentally collating dates and information. “Don’t you have a game in San Diego tomorrow night? What time is your flight back out?”
“I’m not flying back tomorrow.” He blows out a weary breath. “I told Deck I needed to take a day, and he agreed. I’m skipping the game.”
“To be . . . to be here with me?”
“I told you if you were ever mine, I’d play you at the five.” The sound of a smile breaks through his voice. “You’re the center, Iris.”
I don’t answer but absorb his promise to me. His devotion to me.
“And we need to talk,” he continues before hesitating. “Maybe you need to talk to someone soon? A counselor or something.”
“I have a counselor,” I answer softly.
“You do? When do you see a counselor? How did I not know that?”
“I plugged in with a counseling service for survivors at a local women’s shelter in San Diego.” I clear my throat. “I have a lot of baggage to sort through.”
“Can I come?” he asks. “Like talk to them and ask how I should handle things? Or how I can support you? I just . . . I wanna kill him, Iris.”
“I knew you would and that you’d have to see him all the time for games, events, whatever. That’s why I—”
“Mommy!” Sarai yells from the other room.
“Let me go see what she wants.”
“Tell her . . . Gus loves her,” he says, begrudging the nickname.
“She’ll grow out of it.” I grin, because he legitimately hates it. “Maybe.”
“Jared hasn’t.”
“I know, but Jared—”
“Mommy!” Sarai calls again.
“Go. You’re being summoned,” he says. “I love you. I’ll see you soon.”
Sarai is sitting up in bed when I enter the room we used to share. Her eyes are wide, her lashes wet, rounded arms with their dimpled elbows stretched up to me.
I sit down on the bed and pull her close, brushing down her hair, which now reaches the middle of her back. She’s growing up so fast. I can barely remember the time when I resented having her, didn’t want her. Now she’s everything to me, and I want time to slow so I have as much of it with her as possible.
“What’s wrong, princess?”
“I . . . I saw a monster,” she whispers, her voice trembling. She’s shaking in my arms.
I draw back and study her face. Real fear darkens the blue of her eyes.
“Bad dream?” I kiss her forehead and rub her back. “Wanna tell me about it? What did the monster look like?”
Her eyes fix over my shoulder, and she stares unblinkingly for a few seconds before answering, “Daddy.”
Panic vacuums the breath from my chest, and before I can ask what she means, a sound behind me turns me to ice.
“Hello, princess.”
I whip my head around. Caleb leans against the doorjamb with his arms folded over his chest.
I’ve never seen him look so disheveled. His jeans and shirt are wrinkled. Shadows and bags lurk under his eyes. For once, the gold is tarnished.
I stand up and position my body in front of Sarai.
“Caleb.” I smooth my voice, kneading out the lumps of fear and anxiety. “What are you doing here?”
His grin is diabolical, mocking my attempt to protect our daughter. “You mean you weren’t expecting me?” he asks, a dark stream of laughter running through his voice.
Maybe I was. On some level, I knew that without the restraints I imposed on him, Caleb would come after me, but I didn’t think he’d find me here.
He’s proven me wrong.
“Did you think I didn’t always know where my girls were?” he asks, his voice a cloaked threat. “I had eyes on you from the time you left the hotel ’til you arrived here that first night.”