‘There’s nothing to be ashamed about, Katharine.’ Dad plucks a half-eaten packet of biscuits from the top of the cupboard behind the teacups no one ever uses. We figured that was where he hid all his favourite biscuits not long after Mum died, and we walked in to find him mainlining a packet of custard creams.
Adam’s got his lawyer hat on, trying to weasel his way into any side argument or point of law he can think of. Not that it matters, I tell him. What’s done is done. That’s life. I’ll find another job and move on, and it will be okay. I’ll be okay.
‘Find another job?’ Fiona asks. ‘Where?’
‘There are plenty of jobs.’ Dad hands me the newspaper. ‘If you’re willing to change things up. You know, I could retire while you run the shop?’
‘Oh.’ My shoulders slip. ‘No, don’t do that. I’m sure I’ll be fine.’
‘Have you got enough money? Did they pay you out?’ Fiona asks.
‘Yes, and yes, probably,’ I say with a sigh. ‘I’ll get paid out what I’m owed. Not much, but it’s something. Honestly, it’s not the end of the world. Let’s just enjoy this afternoon. In case you’ve forgotten, we have a guest waiting. I’m sure he’s absolutely thrilled about not being centre of attention right now. Let’s just entertain. I’ll sort this.’
And that’s exactly what we do. I keep one eye on the oven timer and the other on the newspaper classifieds. Conversations go on around me, Dad’s busy reading the arts pages and trying not to answer emails that are coming through to the shop. He’s got staff for that, Fiona reminds him. Kit discusses a mutual friend, and Fiona is the floater who brings us all back into singular conversation occasionally.
One thing that strikes me, huddled in my chair in the back corner of the room, is that the more I browse the newspaper and online sites, it’s abundantly clear my job prospects are limited. I peer over the top of the newspaper at Kit, who seems to have a radar and offers me a cursory glance before resuming his conversation. I flip him the bird behind the paper before continuing my search.
Sure, I could throw my hat in the ring for anything. I’d happily stack shelves or flip burgers if that’s all that was on offer. Someone has to do those jobs, right? There’s no shame in them, but they’re not long-term plans for me. Also, they won’t my cover rent, which is already in the upper quadrant of what I could afford to begin with. I need cashflow quickly and, with my limited job prospects, I have to think outside the box.
Kit leaves, and there are hugs and handshakes and requests to catch up again. I smile and nod and say all the right words, even promising I’ll think about coming up for one of his classes. He’s barely down the hall before I retreat to the living room and throw myself into my favourite recliner, legs tucked up under me and T-shirt pulled tight over my knees.
I am never going to one of his classes.
He throws one last look at me. ‘Lovely to have met you, Katharine. You let me know how you go with that gallery space.’
Both Adam’s and Dad’s heads spin to me so quickly anyone would think Holy Water had been tossed about. I keep quiet, instead choosing to watch through the window as he climbs into a beat-up old enamel-green Defender. When he lurches down the street, Dad reappears in the front room.
‘Did you like him? He’s great, isn’t he?’ he asked. ‘Did he show you his art in the end?’
‘He’s rude.’ I shake my head slowly. ‘So rude. And, no, I didn’t see his art, and I don’t really want to.’
‘No,’ he soothes. ‘He’s just a little blunt, that’s all.’
‘Blunt?’ I almost yell. ‘Talking to him is like being hit in the face with a frying pan.’
‘One that’s cold, or still on the hob?’ Adam pops a crisp in his mouth.
‘On the hob,’ I deadpan. ‘Highest setting. Molten.’
Though he’s gone and well down the street, his words echo in my ears. Something about his interest in gallery space sticks. Not that he hadn’t already been otherwise swilling about my mind like a heady wine, but it’s possible he’s planted an idea.
I couldn’t offer exhibitions to just anyone while working at Webster. There were rules and procedures put in place that meant Kit would likely never get past the gatekeepers. But, if I owned my own gallery, I could show whoever I wanted.
Including him.
If I wanted to, which I don’t.
With a fizz in my feet and a tingle in my fingers, I retrieve the newspaper and a coffee from the kitchen. I tear the pages open, pass the ‘Office junior wanted’ ads, taste the bitter blend of ink that jumps from thumb to tongue, and land with a thud in the real estate section, specifically industrial sites that are up for offer.
My brain leapfrogs ahead, playing a holiday slideshow of moments I could only hope to experience. Opening nights, signing new artists, sold-out shows, hosting huge international names. Handshakes, hugs and takeaway dinners eaten by a sales counter as I worked late into the night. They’d be shows I could choose and curate. It’s appealing but, in this moment, it feels like a mirage.
It doesn’t take long for one listing to stand out.
‘Oooh, look. This old place in West Bar up for sale.’ I turn the paper to show everyone. ‘Is it a fire station? It looks like an old bank, maybe.’
‘You getting into the supernatural?’ Adam hauls himself over the arm of the chair to look at the paper. ‘Park the ECTO-1 out the front?’
‘Piss off,’ I say with a laugh.
‘You’d be Egon.’
‘Stop it.’ Dad lashes out and gives him a shove. ‘What are you thinking?’
‘What if I opened my own gallery?’ I look up.
It’s like someone has hit the pause button on the room. Dad’s got his coffee cup to his mouth and Adam stops mid-bite of a biscuit. An excited smile lands on Fiona’s face as she claps her hands together. Only their eyes move as they catch each other for one concerned moment.
‘It’s the perfect space,’ I continue against their silence. ‘Corner position, bright and airy, beautifully classic architecture. Stone building. The colours inside are a bit shite, but that’s nothing a lick of paint can’t fix.’
‘You’d move home?’ Adam asks. ‘That’s a huge decision to make in the space of twenty-four hours.’
‘This is all hypothetical, but I could. Maybe I’d find a place in London. The foot traffic would be great, but it’s bound to be hideously expensive.’ I grab my phone and load up the same ad online and look at the listing complete with technicolour aubergine purple and burnt orange walls, and carpet with more stains than I want to ask about. ‘But it works, right? Or is it silly?’
‘It’s not silly as such,’ Dad says carefully. ‘It’s a great idea. It’s just … finances?’
‘Yeah,’ I say, absent-mindedly. ‘I do have a little cash stashed away. I’ve been wheedling money away for a deposit on a flat of my own, but it might see me through.’
‘But you love your flat,’ Fiona offers. ‘I thought you enjoyed living in London?’
‘Absolutely I do. I love the vibe.’ I glance around the room. ‘But maintaining the status quo hasn’t worked out so well, has it? I’ve been there for, what, ten years now and what have I got to show for it? Bosses who give jobs to their friends, in an already competitive market. By rights, I should have been further along in life than this. I don’t own my own home; I barely even own my car. Something has to change.’