‘I’m not so bad.’ He clears his throat. ‘I’m glad you called, actually.’
‘You are?’
‘Katharine, I am so ashamed of how I behaved,’ he blurts like he’s been holding his breath all week. ‘I was completely awful, and I put you in a terrible position and I want you to know that if I had my time again, I would do so many things differently. Not just that night, but everything.’
‘I appreciate that, thank you.’ I bow my head into silence, unsure of what I’m supposed to say next.
‘Katharine?’
‘Yes?’ I try.
‘I would do things differently.’
‘I heard you,’ I say.
More silence.
‘So, your big move.’ I hear his office chair creak. He’s still in the office. ‘You’re all done? How’d that go?’
‘All done,’ I say. ‘I’ve been here a week now.’
‘How is it?’ he says. ‘Is everything okay? Do you need anything? Where are you living? Obviously, I’m not asking for details if you don’t want to tell me, I just want to know that you’re okay.’
‘It’s really lovely. I’m close to the middle of town and thoroughly enjoying being back in the fold.’ I pull at a loose thread in my jeans. ‘Just spending time with family and settling in. Hoping to get around to old friends in the next few weeks.’
‘Oh,’ he says. He tries to sound excited for me, but I can hear the disappointment lingering. ‘Good. Good. I’m glad.’
‘Anyway. I’m just having dinner with Adam and he’s told me I should call you, so here I am.’
‘Katharine, I’d really like to see you,’ he blurts. ‘I have a lot I’d like to say. In person, that is. It doesn’t feel quite right over the phone. Will you be in London anytime soon?’
I roll my eyes. Travelling to London negates the idea of him having to do any legwork, which was the root of all this to begin with. The words are there, sitting right at the back of my throat, tickling at my tonsils to get out, but I swallow them down. I’m too exhausted to fight with him.
I glance up and my eyes lock with Christopher’s. I’m sure I see him frown in concern.
‘Not anytime soon. I’ll be down for Lainey’s wedding, and to tidy up a few loose ends, but I won’t be in town for long.’
‘Was I supposed to be going to that?’ he asks.
‘I asked you at the time and you said no,’ I say. ‘Remember your whole thing about not wanting to get too involved?’
‘That backfired, didn’t it?’ he grumbles.
‘Yes, it did.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I truly am. I can do better.’
I don’t know what to say to that, so I clear my throat instead.
‘Can you call me when you’re next in town? We’ll grab lunch and talk through this.’
‘No. I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ I say. I’m not going to lie, this hasn’t been the easiest option, moving across the country. The best, yes, but not the easiest. I’m not even sure I want to see him; there’s every chance I’d end up in bed with him because it’s oh so easy. ‘I have to go. Be well, John. Goodbye.’
‘But, Kate—’
‘John,’ I plead.
‘What if we could just—’
‘Stop.’
‘I’m happy to come up and see you.’
‘John, listen to me,’ I say. ‘Let me go.’
He gives a rattly sigh. ‘If that’s what you want.’
‘It’s what I need.’ I fiddle with anything that might distract me.
‘Goodnight, Kate.’
Discarding my phone like it’s about to burn me, I look up to find Adam watching me from the bar. Knowing the call is over, he returns with two half-finished drinks.
‘All right,’ he says, handing me a glass as he sits down. ‘Do I need to punch him in the face? Please say yes.’
Chapter 15
‘Katharine, this is amazing!’
Lainey looks up and around as she twirls across the ground floor, delighting in the sound of her heels clacking against the floorboards. I won’t lie, the echo does have a solidly fancy note to it. Having made good on her promise to visit this weekend (even if I’d written it off as excited ramblings), she’d called from the car park just before ten o’clock.
Bleary-eyed and having slept through my alarm, I peer down at her from the upstairs window. She looks like she’s stepped out of a country club magazine shoot, with knee-high boots and billowing hair. I race downstairs in my pyjamas and wrap her up in a hug. Until the moment I see her on the back step, clutching coffee cups and beaming a smile up at me, I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed her company.
In the time since I moved, we’ve chatted on the phone and have been burning up the messages more than usual as I learn how to update my website, but it’s never quite the same as a tight hug or the total belly laugh that face-to-face physicality can bring.
‘Thank you,’ I say, hiding a yawn behind my hand. ‘It’s finally starting to feel like a real thing. I still need to get the darkroom set up, but that’ll be next week, I think. Or the week after.’
‘You’re going in for a darkroom?’ she asks. ‘I know you were thinking about it.’
I shrug. ‘Yeah. There’s a room upstairs across from the flat. It’ll be another tool, whether I develop film for other people or hire the room out to photographers. Income streams and all that.’
‘Impressive.’ She retraces her steps back through the room I have earmarked as a gift shop. ‘Everything on track?’
‘So far.’ I follow her. ‘Just waiting on paperwork. Permits and stuff. Oh, and I need to sort through all the artists who’ve contacted me. And one hundred other things I’ve probably forgot about.’
‘I’m so excited. It’s looks amazing when you see the photos online, but it’s so much better in person. You must be thrilled?’
‘I really am.’ I cross my fingers as I point in the direction of the stairs. ‘Come and check out my new flat.’
‘Oh my gosh, yes.’ She darts past and takes the steps two at a time. ‘How are you finding living here? It must be strange to be back.’
‘Just be quiet,’ I caution, as if bouncing my hands will tamper the noise. ‘Adam’s—’
Not here.
What?
In his place, a note on the dining table telling me he’ll be back soon. He’s good, I’ll give him that much. I hadn’t heard him slip out, but I also hadn’t noticed he was missing when I woke up. There’s every chance he’s been gone for hours already. Not bad, considering we’re supposed to be polishing floorboards today.
I dial his number, but he doesn’t answer. I can’t help but feel a prickle of irritation start to rise.
‘So, what has it been? One week? Two? It all happened so fast.’ Lainey pokes around the room like a cat getting used to a new home. She peers out the window above the kitchen sink. ‘It’s only been one, hasn’t it?’