The victim turned monster had been in some very uncomfortable situations in her life, but nothing quite like that moment. Nobody spoke, yet everyone looked at one person: Jessica.
Finally, Tom cleared his throat. “Shall we eat?” He might as well have said “at ease.”
Felicity dumped a bag of corn chips into a bowl and handed it and the dish of guacamole to Tom as though the previous two minutes never happened. Except they had happened and Luke’s lingering gaze filled with anger, disappointment, and pain reminded her that she had somehow epically fucked up.
“Have a seat,” Luke said, devoid of all emotion.
She sat down. Jones plopped his big body on the floor behind her chair because he was a mama’s boy.
“So did you get your place sold since moving in with Luke?” Felicity asked.
“I rented. Only wealthy or very old people own property in San Francisco.”
“I anticipated starting work on my sailboat before cooler weather hit, but now I think it’s just going to have to wait until spring. You still in on the project with me?” Tom asked.
“Of course.” She glanced at Luke for confirmation that they would still be together in the spring. He gave her nothing.
“Lake has a boyfriend and he has family in San Francisco, so I think you’ll be seeing your sister a lot more.”
Luke nodded, dipping the same chip into the guacamole over and over without ever taking a bite.
“What are your plans for the holidays?”
Luke stayed in his zombie zone as if no one else at the table existed.
Jessica smiled at Tom. “My parents have invited us to their house for Thanksgiving, but we haven’t really committed to anything yet.”
Tom nodded, much like his son. She questioned if he even registered her answer to his question.
“Of course, my other boyfriend invited me for a sex-filled weekend on his private island off the coast of Italy.”
All. Three. Nodded.
“Dammit, Jones!” Jessica stood, resting her palms on the table.
Three heads jerked up and the dog scampered off to the living room, certain he was in trouble. Old habit. Luke may have bought her a dog and named him Jones, but when she was pissed, Luke’s name was still Jones. Actually, first name Dammit, last name, Jones.
“I didn’t want to have it out right here in front of your parents, but it would seem they know more than I do so maybe this needs to be a group conversation. You know damn well that I, more than anyone else, believe the past should stay buried with the dead, but yours is not, so out with it. Francesca—I want every. Little. Detail.”
Tom and Felicity frowned at Luke with pain in their eyes.
“Jessica, sweetie, he might not be ready to talk about this,” Felicity said.
“Is that right, Luke? Because you said I could ask you anything, and now I want everything.”
“Maybe we should give you two some privacy.”
“Sit. Down.”
Tom and Felicity didn’t move. Jessica could be cutthroat—literally.
“I’d been drinking Heineken with my college roommate, Levi,” Luke spoke in a grave tone. “We’d both had at least four or five too many. He told me about his friend back home who was screwing his roommate’s fiancée. He asked my advice … asked me what his friend should do if the roommate found out they were screwing around behind his back. I couldn’t even think that night … I was completely wasted. So I laughed and said he should put a bullet through both of their heads.”
His parents watched him. Pain. The pain was palpable, and she still didn’t know why.
“A week later I found Levi in the shower with blood and bits of his brain scattered on the wall, a gun next to his limp hand. In the note on the counter he said he wasn’t worth going to jail over so he saved me a life sentence, and he chose the shower to keep the mess contained because of my obsession with cleanliness. Then he asked me to forgive Fran and raise his kid as my own.”
Tom wrapped his arm around Felicity as silent sobs shook her body. But Luke … he said every word without an ounce of emotion, eyes locked to Jessica’s the whole time.
“Fran had his baby?” Jessica whispered.
Luke shook his head. “Nope. While he positioned his newly purchased forty-five at his temple, Fran was off having an abortion and then she planned on ending it with him because she still wanted to marry me. I’ve always wondered whose heart stopped first … his or his baby’s.” He blinked slowly several times. “I think you can guess why Fran and I didn’t work out. We both had blood on our hands.”
“Luke,” Jessica said but no other words came out.
“Anyway, I started college majoring in business. After my first year I switched to pre-med, inspired by my work as a firefighter. Psychiatry has been my own personal quest to figure out why, even in my plastered state, I thought death was a fair payback for cheating. And even more than that … what makes a person give up absolutely everything because he broke some sort of bro code.”
He stood and before completely unfolding himself from the chair, he kissed Jessica on the cheek. “That’s everything, my love,” he whispered over her skin before he turned and walked out of the dining room.
The slam of the front door felt like a book closing at the end of the final chapter.
“Luke made his peace with Francesca after Levi’s funeral. It wasn’t pretty, but it was final. Even though he doesn’t blame her, she’s been dead to him for years. If she dies, maybe he’ll feel some sort of peace that Levi’s been reunited with the woman he loved and the mother of his child. But Luke doesn’t need to see her.”
Jessica heard every word Felicity said, but she couldn’t determine if they were words of wisdom or those of a mother trying to protect her child from any more pain.
*
Luke stood at the end of the dock, squinting against the cool, numbing breeze as the sun set behind a scattering of clouds suspended in the orangish-purple sky. He missed Levi every damn day.
New bro code: save the bro, kill the ho.
Levi would have laughed at that. He had the best sense of humor. The guy actually giggled like a girl. Luke gave him shit about it, but secretly he loved watching Levi laugh. At the same time, he was a total idiot—missing half of his classes to watch The Simpsons and lift weights. Levi looked like an ironman. He claimed muscles and an accent was all it took to get the ladies. Fran certainly helped prove his point.
“That blood on your hands …”
Luke sucked in a quick breath as Jessica’s voice drew near.
“… it never disappears. At best, you might be like me and find someone who loves you so completely that they see past that blood to the naked, untainted flesh beneath it.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his back.
He squeezed her hands. “I figured you’d be like everyone else and try to convince me that I’m not responsible for Levi’s death.”
“I suppose I should, but we both know I’m not like everyone else.”
“Amen to that.” He turned, holding her like the lifeline she was while releasing a long breath.
“Why didn’t you just tell me all of that a long time ago?”
“I would have, had our relationship not started out as doctor/patient. You were my focus and I needed you to trust and respect me enough to let me help you. I felt like sharing the weakest moment … the darkest time of my life would lessen my credibility as a psychiatrist.”