He didn’t move. Not a twitch. Nothing more than a slow breath and weak heartbeat. The lump in Jillian’s throat thickened.
“I need you,” she whispered as the first tear fell. “Until you asked me to come to Portland, I’d gone to all of Cage’s games. I didn’t tell you before now because I knew how much pain you’d feel just from the mention of his name. He’s so damn talented and strong, but he needs his father. You need to be there to cheer him on, not just on the field but in life. Children need their parents … even when they die, that need doesn’t ever go away.”
She closed her eyes and prayed. For years she questioned God’s existence, most people in hell probably did. But maybe God saw how she’d loved another selflessly and would grant her one wish … one answered prayer.
“Let me keep him … even if I burn in hell later, just for now … let me keep him.”
*
God had decided to at least give her request some thought, because Jillian awoke from the floor to the sound of AJ coughing. It wasn’t a miracle healing, but ten hours after her request, he was still breathing. Or at least trying to breathe.
“Here.” She knelt beside the bed holding a glass of water as he struggled to sit up a little bit.
He took a small sip and tried to clear his throat. “Tha-th-tha—” Closing his eyes, he shook his head and clenched his teeth.
“You’re welcome.” Jillian kissed his lips, resting her hands on his face. “I know this is hard for you right now, but it’s going to get better.” She nodded her head, waiting for him to open his eyes.
When he did, he shook his head. “N-no.”
She resented the pleading look in his eyes. He covered her hands with his, pulling them to his chest as he tried to squeeze them.
“Mm-my r-re-real.”
Pulling away, she stood and walked to the other side of the room, keeping her back to him. “Stop saying that. I don’t want to be your fucking real. I want to be your goddamn future! Do you kn—” Her voice cracked from the pain in her chest “Do you know what I’ve endured to get to this point in my life?” She shook her head, brushing her fingers over her cheeks. “I died to be with you, and I know you don’t understand that, but it’s true. I gave up my last fucking breath to be here.”
Jillian turned. And that new heart? It broke.
AJ looked at her through red eyes … tears trailing down his face.
“Let me take you back to Portland. Please. I’ll stay with you. I’ll go to every appointment and hold your hand … or prance around the room naked, or read you the boring newspaper. Just … let me take you back and let me fight this with you.”
AJ looked down at the floor for a few seconds that felt like an eternity as she waited for his answer. When he looked up … he nodded.
*
Jillian packed AJ’s bags while she waited for Jackson to get back from running a few errands. She hoped one of them was to Ryn’s. It would be an awkward Thanksgiving dinner if they didn’t at least call a couple hours truce. AJ had slept most of the day, but she hoped he would be awake for Thanksgiving dinner, even if he didn’t eat anything.
“Jill?”
“In here,” she called out the door of AJ’s bedroom.
Not even a freight train could wake him when he was in his deep sleep.
Jackson stood in the doorway as she zipped up AJ’s travel bag on the floor.
“Hey, did you get your errands ran?”
Jackson nodded.
“Please tell me you saw Ryn and made up.”
“I messaged her.”
“About dinner?”
He nodded.
“And everything is good?”
Another nod.
“Are we still eating here? I don’t want to try to move AJ.”
“Yes.”
“What time?”
Jackson stared at her then looked at his watch. “Three hours.”
“Perfect. I can do a load of my laundry, shower, and pack. Text me when she gets here with the food?”
A nod.
Jillian kissed a sleeping AJ on the forehead. “Love you,” she whispered. “Don’t look so grumpy.” She pinched Jackson’s cheeks as she squeezed by him. “It’s Thanksgiving. I’m not cooking the meal. And AJ agreed to fight. It’s a good day.”
“A good day,” Jackson repeated like he was testing out the words.
Jillian rolled her eyes. “I’ll be back.”
“Wear something nice.”
She turned at the front door. “Really? You’re in jeans.”
“Ryn’s dressing up. She doesn’t want to be the only one.”
Jillian shrugged. “Okay then.”
She threw in a load of laundry to wash, then soaked in the tub, taking the time to shave all her neglected parts. After doing her hair and packing for their trip, she shrugged off her robe and slipped on a red shift dress and black heels. Just as she glided on her favorite red lip stick, her phone vibrated.
Jackson: Dinner.
Jillian: Be right there.
Jackson: I love you, Jillian.
His holiday sentimentality made her smile.
Jillian: U2
She slipped on a wrap and stepped out into the cool breeze. Ryn’s car wasn’t in AJ’s driveway. Jackson must have let her park in the garage to haul in all the food. Soft music played in the background as she stepped inside. All the lights were off except for a soft glow that flickered from the dining room.
“Hello?”
No one answered.
She stopped at the entry to the room illuminated with candles everywhere. A table was set for two with the elegance of a five-star restaurant, a massive bouquet of roses in a large glass vase divided the two place settings at opposite ends. Jillian smiled.
Cloth napkins.
As she moved around the table to the setting behind the roses, her smile faded. The white napkin folded and held by a silver napkin ring had black ink—writing on it. She slowly eased into the chair, letting her wrap fall to the floor as she slid the napkin from the ring.
Jillian,
You look beautiful tonight—simply stunning as always. Please accept my sincerest apologies for missing our first official date. I had a chance to go and I took it.
“No …” she sucked in a shaky breath as tears filled her eyes. “What have you done?” she whispered.
I don’t know what’s on the other side or even which direction I’m going, but I hope by the time you’re reading this I’m sitting across from you, even if you can’t see me.
She looked up at the empty chair across from her. “Aric James …” she breathed his name as her tears stained the table cloth.
Some things in life you just know. I knew the day I laid eyes on you that the course of my life would change forever. I knew the first day you helped me through that migraine in the shower, that no one had ever touched me so deeply … so completely. I knew the night you broke my nose that I hated you. It was also at the exact moment that I knew I loved you. Don’t roll your eyes—it’s the God’s honest truth.
She sobbed and laughed a little through her tears.
And I knew the day I was diagnosed with cancer that I was going to die. What I didn’t know was how desperately I would want to live. As we both saw, my body wouldn’t cooperate with my mind. You deserve a life … a real life. Not the pathetic excuse for existence that I had become.