“Pleased to meet you,” the man muttered.
“Likewise,” Heath replied.
“Oh, and I’m Polly.”
The man smiled. “Course you are,” he muttered. “Spence,” he added.
“Well, Spence, I’ll answer Heath’s phone since it’s now mine until I get another one since that’s yours now.” I held up my hand as he began to protest. “And I’ll hear no arguing because if I didn’t give it to you, I would’ve lost it in a few weeks anyway,” I said. “So you’ll use it. Call Heath. Then we’ll talk about this awesome place, where, if you feel like, you can visit me. I can cook a mean veggie lasagne, and you could even stay for awhile, you know, if you felt like it. No pressure.”
I was going easy because I knew a lot of people were insulted when well-meaning people tried to help them off the street.
“I’m asking this for mainly selfish reasons,” I continued. “Because a lot of people would’ve ignored me before. And if they didn’t ignore me, they were less likely to treat me with kindness like you did. So I want to thank you,” I whispered. “So if you call, if you come down, you’ll be doing me a favor.”
Spence was silent for a beat. “On one condition,” he said.
“Anything.”
“I want lasagne with real fuckin’ meat. Who eats veggie lasagne?”
I laughed then.
Actually laughed.
I would’ve thought such a thing was impossible in proximity to my horror. But I did so.
Heath’s arms tightened around me while I did.
And then I figured maybe I might be okay.
Maybe I might be able to go back to Polly.
A version of her, at least.
Chapter Twenty
Heath had carried me up to my apartment.
The apartment that I realized was now his apartment.
How it took me two months to realize was beyond me. Then again, I hadn’t been known for noticing such things. But it was hard not to notice the fact that I fell asleep on Heath’s chest every single night. He came straight home from work to the apartment every night. His clothes were in my closet. Aftershave neatly placed amongst the clutter of my various beauty products.
“You live here now,” I whispered as he sat down on the sofa, me still in his arms and he positioned me so I was in his lap. My stomach jumped as I brushed right against his crotch, the fabric of my leggings far too thin to work as any kind of barrier.
A small spark of carnal hunger came with that contact. One that I hadn’t felt in months not without something else tainting it. One I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel. It was mingled with something off, something rancid, something that would always be there, tainting me. But there was something else. That need. That want. For Heath.
The way his eyes flared and his hands settled on my hips a little tighter than he usually touched me these months told me he felt it too.
“You just notice I live here?” he asked, voice thick and a little rough as the flame grew with his hardness pressing against me.
“Well...yeah,” I said, my voice throaty and breathless.
“That a problem?” he asked, eyes searching mine.
I searched his right back. “Is it permanent?”
Heath’s hands moved to the side of my neck, pulling me down so our foreheads touched. “Baby, it’s us. You know it’s permanent.”
My stomach flipped for a completely different reason than our current position.
“That scare you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “But after months of feeling fear that what was inside me, eating at me, it’s a nice kind of fear. It’s a good kind.”
His face changed, a mixture of joy and dread.
“You wanna talk about what made you walk today?” he asked, voice soft.
I swallowed. “I haven’t been talking,” I whispered in response. “At the meetings you take me to. I haven’t been talking. I haven’t been strong enough to talk.”
“You’re strong enough to walk through those fuckin’ doors,” he hissed. “You’re strong enough to carry the weight of the world.” His hand tightened. “You’re strong enough.”
I smiled. “Today I was strong enough to talk. To tell the truth. What I haven’t told anyone. Not you, not myself, not really. I’ve just been pretending it wasn’t real, and if I didn’t admit it. Didn’t vocalize it, maybe it would decay my insides.”
Heath knew. I could see it in his face, the way his entire body braced like someone would seconds before a car accident. “I could lie and say that I haven’t pushed you to tell me because I wanted to handle you with care.”
His grip relaxed as if he was now just realizing he’d been pressing his fingers into my skin hard enough to bruise.
He brushed a curl from my face. “I could lie and say I wanted you to feel safe enough to tell me when you were ready,” he said, voice rough. “But I can’t fucking lie to you, Polly. Not after everything. Not even to protect you from my weakness. And that’s what it was. I was too fucking weak to handle the truth. And that’s my greatest fucking shame because you handled it for yourself, and everyone else.”
Pain ricocheted through my body as a tear trailed down Heath’s cheek.
A tear.
For me.
The strongest man I’d ever met was being brought to tears.
Because of me.
“You’re so strong,” he rasped. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever fuckin’ met.”
I framed his face with my hands as his words became strangled with the depth of his emotion. “No. You’re strong. Because you knew, Heath. I know you did. I lied to myself and said that you didn’t. But you knew. You knew even if you didn’t admit it to yourself. Because you know me. Every inch of me. Every inch of me is yours. And he couldn’t take that. It’s taken me a long time to see that.”
I brushed at his cheek, wiping the tear away.
I didn’t have to say that ugly word that I’d finally uttered aloud today. Which was good, since I didn’t know if I could pass it through my organs without it tearing them. Because Heath knew. He knew without me having to say. His tears told me that.
“I’m ready,” I whispered, leaning toward his mouth, my eyes not leaving his. “I’m ready for you to show me I’m yours again.”
I subtly moved against him, touched my mouth to his, my intention clear.
Heath froze.
“Sunshine,” he growled against my mouth. “We don’t have to. I’m willing to wait ‘til you’re ready. If it’s too soon—”
I shut him up with a kiss.
A real one.
He was hesitant at first. Not because he didn’t want me, no the hardness pressing through my leggings was evidence of that, but because he was worried I was doing my Polly thing, jumping into something without thinking. Jumping into something that might damage me, us in the future.
This was the one thing I was sure about. It wasn’t jumping blindly when I knew Heath would catch me.
My tongue slipped into his mouth and that’s when he responded. That’s when he unleashed his hunger. A low growl vibrated through his body and into mine as he clasped the back of my head and tore into my hair.