Her gray eyes widened, and she patted her beautifully coiffed hair. “Truly?”
Phoebe smiled. “Yes. And I promise you there are benefits of employing a lady’s maid who knows the latest styles to fashion your hair. There are those who pride themselves on being connoisseurs of great fashion and beauty. A measured word of approval from any of society’s matrons would see you received rather well in the ton.”
Caroline wrinkled her nose, looking appropriately aghast. “So I am not to be judged on my own merits and intelligence, but if someone decides to like me or not. And if they give that nod, the throng will follow?”
Phoebe took a delicate sip of the tangy brew of tea. “Yes. Knowing how to drive, how to ride, dance, how to walk, how to flirt artlessly is de rigueur for anyone of high society, and I am afraid you will have to learn.”
Her eyes flashed with defiance. “Then I do not need the ton’s approval, only from the gentleman I am to marry.”
That determined defiance, though excellent it might be, would not serve her well in the ton. Society did not celebrate a lady’s unique individuality, nor would they appreciate Caroline’s snubbing the need for their approval. It would be the surest way to alienate herself from those who believed themselves the arbiter of who was granted the nod of acceptance.
“If you seek to marry within their ranks, to be accepted in their social circle, you do need their acceptance, dear Caroline. I regret to say that ladies showing their wit is frowned upon, and one can only wish to form an attachment with a gentleman who would appreciate your peculiar charm.”
Caroline glanced away momentarily, biting on her lower lip. “And what if no matter what I do, even if I learn to dress in the first stare of fashion, walk as if I am on water, be witty and charming but not too bright to overshadow everyone else…what if they still think I am not good enough? Living here, I enjoy a considerable independence, which I am willing to curtail because of the dreams in my heart. But I cannot help but wonder what if it is still not enough for what I dearly hope?”
“What do you most ardently wish for?”
A faraway look entered her eyes. “I daresay you might think me ungrateful should I say it.”
Phoebe’s heart clenched at the yearning on her face. “I surely would not,” she gently reassured.
Caroline stood and hugged her arms across her heart. “I want a grand love with a gentleman who loves me beyond consequences and scandal. When I look into his eyes, I will see acceptance of…of everything that I am. I want children…a lot of them, and my family…they will not be ashamed of me.”
“A noble aspiration I would never dare dream of scoffing at,” Phoebe said, smiling up at her.
Caroline lowered her hands and fisted one on her hip. “And do you think such a dream attainable or do you think me foolish?”
“I do not think you are foolish.” Merely whimsical as I once was. Except Phoebe’s thoughts turned to Hugh, and immediately her heart started to pound, a state of existence she’d never felt in all the time she wanted to marry George. She felt almost embarrassed to admit her feelings for George had been so easily altered and erased.
Caroline hurried over and took the empty teacup and saucer from her. She placed them on the tea trolley then made her way to sit beside Phoebe.
“So you believe such a love between a man and a woman to be possible?”
“I daresay it exists, but I have limited experience in that regard. The man I thought once loved me proved himself to be inconstant and was quite easily swayed. I have no expectations or hope toward such sentiments.” Discomfort curled through her, and with some alarm, she sensed the falseness in her own words.
Caroline’s eyes lowered to Phoebe’s belly.
“I see,” she murmured sympathetically. “That is good, then…not good that I think he abandoned you,” she said hastily. “But that you have no expectations of grand love. My brother…he is a very reserved sort of person, and I daresay he would not know what romantic love was even if it bit him in the arse daily.”
Phoebe, drawing a resolute breath, said, “I am aware of your brother’s thoughts on love. I daresay they are like mine.”
Caroline arched a brow. “Are they?”
“Yes,” Phoebe said firmly, ignoring the sound of disbelief from her friend. “Do you…do you know why your brother is so averse to the experience?”
Caroline hesitated briefly. “Father…the old earl often cautioned my brothers about falling in love. It is a mantra of Father’s, really, but as I grew, I did not think such warnings were necessary. Hugh does not allow anyone close. Growing up, I was keen for a better relationship, but he kept me at a careful distance. For a long time, I thought it deliberate on his part because he thought I was inferior to him.”
“I do not perceive that to be his character. The kindness and lack of prejudice he has shown me does not reveal a man puffed up with vanity and his own importance. I sense that you have misunderstood your brother!”
Caroline smiled. “If you recall our first meeting, I told you he was dying. He had fallen ill with influenza, and the doctors told us the chances of Hugh surviving were very slim. It is a contagious illness, and he allowed a young boy and girl who had the disease to travel with him in his coach because it was raining quite heavily.”
Another faraway look entered her eyes. “I truly believed he would die…and my heart could not bear the notion. I went to his bedside despite orders to never enter his rooms, and I confessed that I loved him dearly.”
Phoebe shifted on the sofa to ease the growing discomfort in her lower limbs. “And what did he say?”
“After staring at me for a very long moment, he smiled. And that reassured me greatly, for my brother is not the sort to readily offer a smile. It was after that encounter I resolved to learn his language.”
Phoebe stared at her in astonishment. “But that was last year!”
Caroline flushed guiltily. “I confess both William and I did not perceive that Hugh held us in deep affection. It is simply not his way to be…emotional, but he cares.”
Phoebe rested her hands protectively across her stomach, hating the sudden way her heart ached. “And your warnings earlier, you do not believe him to care about me beyond the advantage I bring to this marriage with my connections?”
Caroline grasped her hand eagerly. “Pray do not regard it to mean so! I truly mean that Hugh is extremely reserved, and I believe he is careful with his heart, though he does not know it. I’ve never seen him emotional or too concerned about anything, and I simply did not wish for you to have too many expectations that would only lead to a heartbreak. I…I saw how you looked at him earlier when you thought no one was looking.”