Mom watches Colton with tears glistening in her eyes. “I … I don’t know. It’s very soon after Lou died. I couldn't possibly entertain this idea. What would people think?”
“What does it matter what people think? It’s not like you know anyone around here anyway, and besides, it’s none of their goddamn business. If he’s going to make you happy, then I say go for it.”
Mom cringes and I sense her pulling away which only sends a barbed wire slicing through my chest. She deserves happiness, and as much as I loved my father, it’s time she knew the truth. Otherwise, she’s never going to find the strength to move on and find the happiness she really deserves.
Guilt sweeps through me and I look to Colton only to find his heavy stare already on me. Am I really going to break her heart like this and tell her the truth about dad?
Colton nods as though he can read my thoughts and I cringe a little harder. He reaches over and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s time,” he tells me before standing and collecting our empty plates. He looks down at mom. “As usual, thank you for dinner. It was delicious.”
Mom gives him a tight smile, too overwhelmed by her own thoughts to be completely on her A-game. “Always. Thank you, sweet boy. Have a good night.”
Colton places the dishes in the sink and doesn’t bother with a goodbye for me, knowing damn well that I’m going to end up back in his room as soon as I’m finished here.
I wait until he’s walked out before looking back at mom and feeling my stomach twist with nerves. How am I supposed to tell my mother the man who she loved for the last twenty years wasn’t the man she thought he was at all? This is going to crush her, but she needs to know the truth. She needs to know that it’s okay to move on.
Mom looks at me expectantly. She’s no fool, Colton’s hasty exit was anything but ordinary, but naturally, she’s far too polite to have pointed it out while he was still in the pool house. “What’s going on, Oceania?”
I cringe at hearing my full name and let out a heavy sigh. “There are some things you should know about Dad.” Mom’s brows take a dive and I continue on before my courage has a chance to fade away. “He’s not who he always led us to believe,” I explain. “I found out the other week when I went into Breakers Flats.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know how I was there during the drive-by when Kian was killed?” Mom nods and I let out a shaky breath. “Well, the reason I was there in the first place was because I found a file in Charles’ office with the Widows mark on the front and all this information on dad.”
“What information?” she demands, cutting me off.
“He was a Wolf, mom,” I say, feeling my insides twist with guilt. “Nic and the boys knew all along. He was a wolf.”
She shakes her head. “No. They’re lying. Your father hated gangs. They’re dangerous and only cause problems. He was in no way affiliated with them. He stayed far, far away from them. You know that.”
“No,” I say. “Trust me, I wish it weren’t true. I wish so badly that I could tell you that he was an innocent and loving man like he always made himself out to be, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t just a Wolf, Mom. He was second in command and their exterminator.”
Her face pales and in a flash of lightning, her hand smacks across my face with a sharp sting. I stare at her in horror, holding a hand to the side of my face and desperately trying to dull the ache. She’s never hit me before and it comes just as much as a shock to her that it is to me.
“Don’t you dare talk ill of your father like that,” she cries, standing in a panic and looking at me in horror for not only what she’s just done but for the truths I'm telling, fearing that I could be right.
I stand, brushing off the sting from her slap, knowing that the longer I hold onto my face, the more she’s going to hate herself and on top of what I’m telling her, she doesn’t need that too. “I swear to you, Mom. He was a killer, and apparently the best one on this side of the planet. They told me that he was ruthless, he killed for sport and not for a payday which made him the most sought after killer the Wolves and Widows had ever seen. Kian told me that he tried to recruit him all the time but he denied. He was loyal to the Wolves.” I let out a sigh and look straight into her eyes, letting her see my pure devastation. “He wasn’t a good man. He fooled us both.”
She shakes her head, tears pouring from her eyes. “No, that’s not the man I married. I would have known. If he was a Wolf, he never would have allowed those Widows to befriend you the way they did. He would have got rid of them as soon as they stepped into your life.”
“I know,” I tell her. “But he wanted to keep it secret. He wanted to protect us from that life and keep the target off our backs. You know my guidance counselor, Miss Davies? Her family is involved with the Wolves and when I had my meeting, she recognized my name and said that she knew my father. I didn't believe her at first but the more digging I did, the more I realized that she was right.”
“That meeting was weeks ago,” she says, her voice hitching up higher. “How long have you known about all of this? How long have you been keeping this from me?”
“I … I’m sorry. I just … I didn’t know how to tell you. I knew it would be hard and I didn't want it to crush you like it crushed me. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Mom stares at me, the horrified look still etched heavily into her features. “I just …” She shakes her head, looking at me with disappointment. “I can’t with you right now. I just … I can’t.”
With that, she turns and walks to her bedroom, closing the door behind her as my world crumbles around me.
I drop down onto the couch and lean onto my knees, allowing my head to fall forward. How could I do that to her? I should have let her go on remembering him as the man he wanted her to know.
What kind of monster am I? She'll never forgive me for hiding this, or for being the one to tell her. I lose no matter what.
What am I going to do?
I sit on the couch for at least an hour, hearing nothing but the broken sobs coming from my mother's bedroom, each and every single one of them tearing me apart. So, I do what any other loving daughter would do and I face the music.
I suck up my pain, realizing that it's nowhere near as great as hers and pick myself up off the couch. I lock up the pool house and turn off the lights before making my way into Mom’s room and slipping into her bed. I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me, letting her cry out her pain while struggling to hold it together.
It’s not easy seeing the woman you’ve looked up to all your life breaking down. She’s always been so strong and has always concealed this side of her, but now that I’m grown, I'm realizing that she’s not the superwoman I always saw her as, she's just a regular, fragile human being, just like the rest of us. She feels pain just as I do and tonight, I’m the reason for that pain.
I don’t move an inch, holding onto her until we both fall into a fitful sleep and finally call an end to the night from hell.
Chapter 13