Pain flits across my sister’s face; it’s the first time she’s ever looked truly pained by my words. “I know that, Kenzie, but do you? You’re changing. I see it. You’re going to lose yourself over this mission. And all for what?” she asks sadly.
I slam my eyes shut, massaging my temples. “I’m doing it for you,” I whisper, fatigue tinging my voice.
Madison smiles and shakes her head. “No, you’re not. But I’ll let you figure that out on your own.”
The sound of my cell ringing drags my attention away from my sister to the bedroom. It keeps growing louder. Until it sounds almost like an alarm blaring. I slam my hands over my ears and drop to my knees, rocking back and forth. My ears feel like they’re bleeding from the piercing sound.
I glance back toward Madison to see if she hears it, too, but she’s gone. My eyes grow wide, and I shoot to my feet unsteadily.
“Mads?” I yell over the blaring sound. “Madison!” I run through the suite, but the sound is screeching now. I can’t think straight. I can’t even breathe.
“Madison!” I scream.
My eyes spring open, and I jolt awake with a start, my throat still raw with a scream. It takes me a second to realize I’m in bed, and my phone is ringing on the pillow next to me. Pushing myself upright, I shake off the weird dream, the one featuring Madison, and notice my laptop is still open from last night.
I pick up the phone while simultaneously logging back in. I wince at the splitting headache when I croak a greeting over the line.
“You never called me!” Kat yells from the other end of the line. I flinch, my head and ears still ringing from the dream.
Christ. That felt all too real.
I peek at the time and groan. “Kat, do you realize what time it is here? And why are you even calling me this early?”
“Well, if you would’ve called and replied to my texts every now and then, you’d know I have a modeling gig today. I’m in makeup right now, and I thought of you. Since you’ve been ignoring me, I decided to call. And stop it. It’s only seven thirty.”
I cringe. I’d been meaning to reply to her texts and tell her I settled in okay, but between Baz and trying to stay on track with my plans, I forgot.
I feel horrible, especially since her father is the one who set me up with the room.
“God, Kitty Kat, I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to settle in, and I lost track of time. This writing piece has been taking a lot out of me.” The lie slips easily from my lips. “By the way, it’s four a.m. here, so no, don’t give me the ‘it’s only seven thirty’ spiel.”
“Someone’s cranky today,” she tsks. “But I’ll leave you to your beauty rest. Text me the second you wake up. I’m not kidding either!”
After hanging up with her, I stare at the dark ceiling. Out the windows, behind the curtains, the darkness fades into a soft blue as night fades into dawn. Pretty soon, the sun will start to rise, and the bright rays shining into the room will force me to get up.
Even though it was only a dream, I still feel odd because it was so real. I felt like I was speaking to Madison. And as much as I know I should probably stay up and write more, I close my eyes, easily falling back to sleep. Hoping that somehow, I’ll be able to steal a little more time with my sister again.
Past
“I promise you, nothing happened. I came home last night and showered, and that was it.” I plead with them, trying to get them to believe me, but by the expression on their faces, I can clearly tell they don’t. Because why would one of the hottest guys in school be interested in their chubby daughter? Why wouldn’t he be interested in Madison instead of me? It’s nonsensical.
I can read the questions in their eyes. Hell, I’ve been wondering the same thing. Second-guessing myself ever since Sheriff Keller broke the news early this morning.
Was it all just some sick joke?
Was Madison’s gruesome death truly by my hands? Even if I wasn’t the one who physically killed her, was I still somehow a culprit in all this?
I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my parents. We’ve been here for the past hour going over the details of yesterday, as uncomfortable as they may be. My mom is looking down into her cup of lukewarm tea, and my dad has his head in his hands, not even looking at me. Neither can seem to look at me, and it hurts.
“Go over it again. You got to the party with Winnie, then what happened?” My dad demands again, his voice monotone.
They shouldn’t be dealing with this right now. We shouldn’t be dealing with this. We should be mourning the loss of my sister, not interrogating me when we’re supposed to be healing.
I can’t wrap my head around how epically fucked up this whole situation is.
I go over everything again, and this time, my father shoots away from the table. The chair legs scrape along the tiled floor before it’s knocked back, slamming into the wall. Mom and I jump, and he storms away, the door to his office slamming shut upstairs.
“Mom, I—”
“Kenzie, sweetie, I—” She swallows, moisture pooling in her eyes. “We’re dealing with a lot right now. I’ve called Grandma and Grandpa. Maybe if you give us time to prepare, to understand, we can talk more and try to figure all of this out, but right now …” She chokes, squeezing her eyes shut as she works to hold back her sob. “Sweetie, right now, nothing is making sense. Your father needs space.”
My heart drops. That sick sensation in my stomach churns while bile creeps its way up my throat. That fissure in my heart? It spreads. The pain in my chest? It intensifies.
“You’re sending me away?”
Her face cracks, and a tear slips free. “I don’t know what else to do.”
My own tears start to spill over. Shakily, I stand from the table and narrow my eyes. Rage boils beneath the surface, simmering in my veins.
“You could try being a mother. You could both try being parents because that was my sister. You’re not the only ones who are mourning and confused.” With those cutting words, I turn on my heel and run upstairs.
I pack a suitcase, unsure how long I’ll need to stay with my grandparents.
The entire time I feel like my heart is shattering. The pieces scattering across the floor are unrecognizable now, so there’s no point in putting them back together. There’s an endless void filling my chest. It’s carving my heart with pain and obstructing my lungs with ice.
I keep closing my eyes, wishing that I could wake up, and this would all be over. I wish it were all a dream, a sick joke I can put behind me.
I berate myself for how out of touch Madison and I had gotten over the years. Why did I ever let her feel like she was better than me? Why didn’t I try harder? We were sisters; no bad attitude could change that. And now, now she’s gone, with no chance of coming back.
Madison was always better at handling sticky situations. She knew how to work a crowd and could convince anyone of anything. She was charismatic and always the life of the party. Me, on the other hand, I wasn’t. That much is obvious, even now—since no one believes me.
When the doorbell rings downstairs, I don’t get up from my spot on my bed; instead, I stare at the wall, wondering what will happen next.