“Yeah.” I sigh. “I guess I do. It’s been … tough.”
He grunts, his hands clasped in front of him as he stares ahead. “I’d imagine so. I take it you’re being … careful.”
I look away from my shitty reflection to him, trying to read between the lines.
What does that mean?
The elevator rolls to a stop on the penthouse floor, and I get out, Dan following close behind. He suddenly stops before Baz’s door, and when I look back, he jerks his chin, telling me to keep going.
“He’s waiting in there.”
I nod stiffly, sucking in a deep breath for strength before I push inside. There’s music playing somewhere. It’s not loud. It’s almost like it’s coming from outdoors. I walk farther inside, ignoring my bleeding heart.
“Baz?” I call out and get no answer.
I pause for a second, unsure if I should wait for him or keep going. He obviously knows I’m here if he allowed Dan to send me up. Is this some mind game?
Make me look like a fool as I wait for him?
Shaking off my fear, I square my shoulders and walk farther inside. I hear Baz’s deep chuckle coming from his bedroom, and my brows tug down. I knock on the door, and when I get no response, I push inside. The sight that greets me has my stomach churning. The pit deepens, and I sway on my feet for a second, having to clutch a hand to the wall for support.
If possible, my heart shatters even more. It’s irreparable at this point. There are two naked women on his bed, and outside, beyond his floor-to-ceiling windows, is a party filled with scantily dressed women. Ice fills my chest, and a vise tightens around my lungs, making it hard to breathe. And when I glance in the corner of his room, I find Baz sitting in a leather chaise in nothing but board shorts and a glass of amber liquid. He’s watching me with a bored expression.
I try not to let my eyes trail down his body. I won’t give him the satisfaction, not when he’s losing himself in who knows how many women after me.
Did I really mean that little to him?
“You forget how to speak all of a sudden? Or did you just run out of lies?”
The two nude women on the bed laugh at my expense and go back to kissing each other. A sob crawls up my throat, threatening to escape, but I refuse to let it. I shake my head, begging myself to hold it together.
“I came to explain.” My voice doesn’t sound like it belongs to me. It’s weak.
Or maybe it does sound like me. The real me.
Baz raises a brow and smirks. It’s a cold smirk. It’s like a lash against my skin or acid on an open wound.
“Ah, more lies.” He laughs without humor, taking a sip from his glass. He dismisses me, glancing at the women on the bed moaning. The pain in my chest is intensifying.
I hate this. Why is he doing this?
“Please, Baz. Can we go somewhere private?” I plead, glancing at the women out of the corner of my eye. One woman has her hand between the other’s legs, and they’re making out quite crudely.
“It’s Sebastian to you.” Another lash. Blood gushing from the open wound. “And no, we can’t. I like my view just fine. What about you, Mackenzie—or should I say Scarlett—do you like it?”
“Stop it,” I hiss, my vision blurring with unshed tears. The backs of my eyes and my nose are stinging with the pressure.
Sebastian suddenly stands, his glass clanging against the end table as he stalks toward me. I take a wary step back, my grip tightening on my bag as I force a thick swallow. My throat feels raw, like sandpaper.
We stare at each other. Music thumps from the balcony. Laughter drifts and so do the moans from the bed, but I don’t see anything but him. His gaze trails up and down my body, probably taking in my ratty appearance and the dark circles under my eyes. His brows crease lightly, but he doesn’t comment on it. Thank God.
“I came to give you this. I know you hate me. I know you never want to see me again, but I ... just … just read it. Please. I need you to understand.” The tears roll down my cheeks, and I watch the muscle in his jaw clench, unmoved by my tears. I start digging into my bag, pulling out the heavy stack. The thick book.
“Stop,” he suddenly growls, and I freeze with the thick stack in my hands, staring up at him with wide eyes. He takes a step into me, and my eyes widen. My battered heart is stammering in my chest. Baz reaches up, his thumb traces around my lips, and I lean into him. A whimper escapes before I can stop it, and he freezes. I think that’s it. I’m sure he’s going to stop, but he doesn’t. He traces again, leaning into me even more.
“Such a beautiful face,” he says thickly, eyes heated with desire. “Such perfect lips,” he muses. Gone are thoughts of Madison. Gone are plans for justice. Now, all I can think about is him. His lips on mine. Him forgiving me.
Baz leans into me, and my heart seizes in my chest. My breath catches. “Lips that have lied, over and over again,” he whispers over my mouth, his warm, fresh breath tantalizing me and breaking my heart all at once. “Lips that have done nothing but kiss me with lies.”
My eyes widen. Dread swirls in my gut, and fear crawls up my spine at the detached expression on his face.
“I—”
He cuts me off, his fingers sealed over my lips. “I didn’t care to hear your excuses before, and surely, I don’t care now. You think I want to read your bullshit? I. Don’t. Fucking. Care. Now, for the last time—because if I have to do this again, Mackenzie, it won’t be pretty or civil—you need to leave. I have the worst case of blue balls to settle, and I’d like you gone before I get started.”
Even though I have tears streaming down my cheeks, he turns his back on me and slams the door in my face. I stand there in shock, silent tears and sobs wracking my body. When the women’s moans grow loader, I tighten my grip on the stack and spin on my heels. I toss it onto his breakfast bar and sprint out of there. I run past Dan, past the security, and take the elevator all the way down. I fall into the corner. Loud, ragged sobs fill the small space as I cry for everything I’ve lost.
I cry for the man I thought I knew. I cry until I have nothing left.
People watch me warily as I exit the resort. I walk off, down the long entryway, and order an Uber. I don’t bother waiting. The quicker I’m away from Sebastian and off his property, the better I’ll feel.
After I’m done feeling sorry for myself, and I’ve had a good cry, I throw my plan into motion. I pay for a rental I’ll need for the drive to Ferndale. I head to the hardware store and purchase a shovel.
With shaking hands, I open my laptop, fear snaking its way through my veins as I open my email. Tomorrow night, I can either find the truth, or I can find nothing. Either way, what I have written is incriminating in and of itself, and someone needs to read it. Someone needs to have it. And since that person isn’t Baz like I hoped it would be, I have to make peace with it.
I open a new email and attach the file, hating that after all the ignoring I’ve done, they’re my last hope. I don’t know what I’ll find, but I need someone to have it. I need someone to understand. And sadly, even though I’ve never treated them like real friends, I only have Kat and Vera left. I type out a quick message that brings tears to my eyes.