On the fourth night, they were woken up at two. From now on, a new element was added to their training: punishments. This usually started with them being forced into the yard in nothing but their underwear. Nine! Everyone did squat jumps. Seven! Everyone dropped to the ground and pushed their chests up and down. Buckets of ice water were poured over their backs if they didn’t work hard enough.
Some were broken by the training. One morning during the first few weeks of training Sami was woken by loud cries from outside. He quickly put on his uniform and ran out, and saw that several other soldiers had gathered in a circle on the yard where they had their morning assemblies. In the middle stood one of the newcomers, dressed only in his underclothing, dark with sweat or some other fluid. Sami recognized him as one of the young men he had taken notes of on the first day. It was the first and last time they had talked. Now the young recruit stood shaking on the frosty ground. Beside him lay a big, empty can.
‘Stay away. Don’t get any closer.’
Despite his shaking, his face was strangely still. Wet hair stuck to his cheeks. The young man lifted his hands but Sami couldn’t see what he was holding. A needle? A tiny box?
‘I swear, I’ll do it…Anything but this.’
It was then that Sami smelled the petrol. He took a step closer and released a sound that he didn’t know came from himself. The young man struck the match and the flames rose up.
Sami found he couldn’t move, couldn’t comprehend how quickly the body became black, how fast the smell of burnt meat spread. From a distance, he saw how Hussein and two other recruits threw themselves over the burning soldier and tried to quench the fire with their own bodies. Paramedics were summoned but it was too late.
That night, Sami heard Bill sobbing from the bunk bed over his. Sami lay silently and listened, then sat up and walked over to Hussein’s bed.
‘How are you?’ Sami whispered.
He could see that Hussein’s eyes were open. He lay on his back with his arms crossed over his chest, white bandages covering the worst burn marks.
‘You know,’ Sami continued, ‘I think everyone’s in shock. It’s OK to feel sad or angry or afraid, or whatever you feel…’
It was as if Hussein didn’t hear him. Sami turned and took a few steps in the dark, then heard Hussein’s muffled voice behind him.
‘Fear is like poison. If you let it grow roots, you will be lost for ever.’
* * *
—
Not long after the fire incident another soldier died of a heart attack. In both cases their trainers explained it away as personal weaknesses, physical or mental. Sami no longer felt as if the pain penetrated into the depths of him. He woke up, he did what he was told and then he slept. But it was as though something happened to him at night, a slow transformation.
Gradually Sami started to consider it a challenge to break the rules. To drink a bottle of contraband wine, just to see the look on the sergeant’s face when he didn’t react to the ice water. Sami and Hussein also made a habit of stealing from the pantry, and Bill happily shared with them, even if he was afraid of punishment. They would take a carton of eggs or tinned beans. Once they got their hands on an entire chicken, which they roasted and ate in silence, an unadulterated joy.
During Sami’s first night watch he started smoking cigarettes, and it soon became one of his few pleasures. The night watch was otherwise a psychological challenge. All sounds were amplified in the dark, from the barking of wild dogs to the hissing of hyenas in the distance. One time a soldier came running back to base camp, white as a sheet.
‘What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,’ Sami said.
‘Not far from it,’ the soldier mumbled.
He couldn’t speak until he had sat down and collected himself.
‘Do you believe in jinn?’ the soldier asked. ‘I thought they were made up, myths. But after tonight…’ He shook his head to cast off his unease. ‘I was sitting by the fire, smoking, when I spotted a cat slinking along the tent wall. A cat in this cold, can you imagine? You won’t believe me but it’s true, wallahi. The cat crept closer and closer and in the end it was so close I could touch the tip of its tail. The fur was stiff with frost. And then…then it got up on its hind legs and opened its mouth so I could see its pink, coarse tongue. And it said, “Pardon me, but do you have the time?” Get it? The cat was talking to me!’
Sami laughed and asked what he’d been smoking. But there was no question the soldier was serious; he had a wild look in his eyes and his hands were shaking.
Nocturnal spirits or no, the soldier was sent to the clink for abandoning his post.
‘My advice is simple,’ their commanding officer said when the soldier was released. ‘When a cat asks you for the time, just answer her. Tell her the time. But whatever you do, don’t leave your post.’
* * *
—
Sami slept in double layers of clothing and thick woollen socks at night. In the morning, they blew smoke rings and pretended they were from cigars. The temperature was below freezing almost year-round up in the mountains, but on some spring days their bodies thawed in the pale sunlight. Like nocturnal insects, they would all turn to the sun and stare into the blindness.
During one drill, in a frosty field, Hussein rubbed his hands together and said, ‘A cup of tea or coffee would really hit the spot right now.’
Sami looked around and said: Sure. He walked over to the flatbed truck and pulled out a handful of cables they used for the tents, which he twisted together with a few thinner cables to stabilize them.
Bill watched in shock. ‘Have you lost your mind?’
‘Put the kettle on the ground here, with the cable there. Then we’ll lift the other end up with two sticks and touch it to the powerline.’
‘Do you know how many volts are in something like that? You’re going to fry like a piece of charcoal.’
‘Fine, so don’t then.’
An hour later, even more cold and hungry, Bill suggested they try again. Hussein and Sami balanced the stabilized cable against the powerline. It took them less than a second to get the kettle boiling.
* * *
—
Days and weeks passed, darkness fell and ice water was poured on their backs. From time to time soldiers had to be brought to the military hospital after passing out or not being able to feel their feet. I choose this, Sami thought. I choose this and it won’t kill me.
After the initial training period, they got some time off. He counted down the days until each small break. He could endure the physical punishments tolerably but some things were harder to deal with than others. Like one particular sergeant. The sergeant had an arrogant way about him and enjoyed insulting them during training. They were weaklings. Vermin.