Josh dropped his pen. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I know I wear too many cardigans. And I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how to use a curling iron.” She lowered her voice. “Even my nice bras are neutral colors.”
Josh closed his eyes and lowered his forehead into his hand. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“It’s all right.” She swallowed down her discomfort. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it. It’s been this way my whole life.” Everett never would have walked away from Naomi.
“Clara—” Josh placed his hand over where she’d started to anxiously twiddle her thumbs in her lap.
“Are you two ready?” Naomi took the final seat behind the card table and Josh bent to pick up his pen, taking his hand with him. “We’ve got a line down the hall.”
“Yeah. We’re good.” Clara folded herself in as small as possible. Legs, shoulders, neck. Josh’s opinion of her ability to heat a man’s blood didn’t surprise her as much as it confirmed her bleak self-assessment. She didn’t belong here among all the beautiful, sexually advanced people.
“Number one, please.” Naomi’s voice resounded with authority.
A full-figured brunette with a sleeve of tattoos and a nose ring came in. “Marissa Martinez,” she said.
“Hi, Marissa. Before we get started, you’ve signed the release forms, performer questionnaire, and nondisclosure?”
Clara was grateful that Naomi had taken the lead on this part of the process. She would talk to a thousand lawyers, notaries, and bankers if she didn’t have to figure out how you determined whether someone had what it took to perform in a sex ed resource.
“Yep.” Marissa handed over a stack of papers. “Here you go.”
Naomi scanned the forms. “I see here you’ve stated you’re comfortable with full nudity, sex acts solo or with one to three partners. Both male and female. Excellent.”
“And you read the documents about the risk from Black Hat?” Josh, especially, insisted they make sure that every person who might get involved went in with full knowledge of the gamble.
“I did. I’m not surprised, honestly. I’ve got friends who got on the wrong side of the studio before. They got blacklist threats and worse.”
Worse? Clara mouthed at Josh, her panic rising.
He winced before turning his attention back to the audition.
“I’m glad someone is standing up to those assholes.” Marissa unfolded a new piece of paper from the pocket of her shorts. “I really like the company manifesto you provided.”
Clara’s ears perked up. She’d written that part, her only contribution to this piece of the process. To help with recruiting like-minded individuals. It was a couple of paragraphs about the impetus for the idea, a vision for how the resource would help both women and their partners, and a company commitment to respecting everyone involved.
Naomi pushed a file across the table. “Clara, why don’t you read the audition requirements?”
Clara shifted in her seat. “Me?”
Josh gave her an encouraging nod.
“Uh . . . All right.” She picked up the sheet. “First, please remove your clothes.” Her stomach flipped over, but Marissa smiled, shoving off her shorts before Clara had finished the sentence. A blazer was the wrong choice for this occasion.
Once she was fully nude, Naomi and Josh both jotted some notes down. Clara wrote the word naked in cursive on her own pad so she wouldn’t look completely unprofessional.
“Ready to move on?” Naomi used a kinder voice with Marissa than she’d ever used with Clara or Josh. “We know this process can get awkward. As a reminder, you can stop at any time.”
Marissa chuckled. “I appreciate that, but I’ve done this a million times. Plus, my body rocks.”
“Is the room warm enough?” Josh had insisted they set the room to a balmy seventy-five degrees.
“Oh yeah. This is way better than the usual icebox casting calls.”
“We’ve been in your shoes. We’re trying to make the process as comfortable as possible. Clara, I think we can move on to the next part.”
“Of course, sure.” Her grip made the paper curl. “Please make yourself comfortable and . . .” Good lord.
Josh touched her forearm. “You okay?”
Clara forced the words out over the ringing in her ears. “. . . and bring yourself to orgasm. Lube has been provided. You’re welcome to use any kind of reading or viewing materials to help you get in the mood.”
“No problem.” Marissa reclined on the comfy chaise Naomi had brought in and covered with a clean sheet and proceeded to stimulate her breasts.
“Oh dear.” Clara automatically raised her eyes to the ceiling.
Naomi cleared her throat. “If you wouldn’t mind amplifying your reactions? We want to make sure everyone’s really comfortable with vocalizing their pleasure.”
Clara forced herself to make eye contact with the performer as Marissa gave a thumbs-up with the hand that hadn’t made its way between her thighs.
She’d never seen anything this explicit before in real life. Even though Marissa seemed like she was having fun, Clara couldn’t stop sweating.
“What do you think, Clara?” Naomi’s face didn’t look menacing, but Clara knew a test when she saw one. “Would you like Marissa to try any techniques in particular?”
“No, I think this is fine. Good, I mean.”
Naomi nodded. “Marissa, feel free to improvise with dirty talk if you’d like.”
The performer let out a string of sentences that made Clara’s face go from hot to scalding.
“Please excuse me a moment.” Clara pushed back from the table and rushed into the hallway, following the frantic direction of her feet until she could pull fresh air into her lungs.
She closed her eyes. Tried to picture Zen gardens or any of the meditation mantras from the forty-five-dollar yoga classes she’d taken in Manhattan. She couldn’t do this. The proof lay in her shaking hands. She’d been kidding herself. Kidding all of them.
“Clara?” Josh came barreling out the doors. “Are you all right?”
She urged her wobbly legs to a bench to the side of the building entrance. “I’m sorry. I thought I could handle this. I thought I could be calm and cool and collected but I obviously can’t.”
Josh sat down next to her and brushed the hair off her sweaty neck as she worked to regulate her breathing. “No. I’m sorry.” His eyes traced her face and he ran his thumb up and down the side of her neck soothingly. “This is all my fault.”