Jill had taught her a lot this summer, but Clara didn’t want to turn into her. The Wheatons had weathered countless scandals. It was time they learned how to forgive themselves. “I’ll come back. But you have to come home with me to Greenwich for Christmas.”
Her aunt’s eyebrows shot up.
“We can face the music together. Two black sheep returned to the flock.” Clara held her breath as she waited for an answer. She was determined that her family wouldn’t shut the door on her, but it would be easier if she had Jill at her side. The Wheatons should be proud of both of them. Neither had done something a little PR couldn’t fix.
“I’m in.” Jill wrapped Clara in a hug. “Proud of you,” she whispered in her ear.
“We might not be able to keep your name out of the opposition’s mouth entirely,” Toni said as they pulled apart. “We’re going to need to get started immediately, and none of it will be easy. Even with the right evidence, Pruitt will hire the best defense attorney money can buy. He’ll outspend us in every way, including public relations.”
“Then let’s get to work.” Jill winked as she ushered Toni out of the conference room.
As soon as they were alone, Clara turned to Josh. “I can’t believe you did this.” A lawsuit was more than taunting Pruitt. Much more than Shameless’s tiny, quiet rebellion. Going to trial, drawing the spotlight, it all jeopardized his role within the adult entertainment community. Based on what he’d told her before, many people in the industry would see him as an opportunist at best and a traitor at worst.
Growing up, Clara watched her parents make a lot of sacrifices out of love for their children, but never before had a man done anything like this out of love for her. Did she really deserve it?
So much of Josh felt too good to be true. After three months of telling herself, That’s not for you. Those eyes, those hands, that mouth, that kindness, that humor. None of it belongs to you and don’t you dare kid yourself. Even hearing the story from one of the most authoritative people she’d ever met felt surreal.
“I didn’t do it for you,” Josh said.
Clara’s shoulders sank. “Oh.”
“But I was able to do it because of you.”
He traced the curve of her cheek with the back of his hand. When Josh touched her he completed a circuit, so that electricity poured back and forth between their bodies, making every inch of her more alive.
“All of this feels big,” he said. “Not just how I love you, and not just Shameless, but this chance with Toni to help people I care about on a larger scale.” He spoke with his hands, the movement generating enthusiasm behind his words like propellers on a boat. “I never thought I would make a positive impact. If doing this, testifying and stuff, if that creates a safer work environment for sex workers, if it protects the industry from men like Pruitt, I don’t see that as abandoning porn, or turning traitor. This case would benefit everyone in this business who’s ever gotten taken for a ride.”
Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “And okay, maybe it is a little bit for you, Clara. But I don’t mind. Because when you left two nights ago, I realized I’d do anything in my power to show you how much you mean to me.”
Pain flashed in his eyes again. “I was stupid and scared. So sure you would reject me that I pushed you away. I wanted to point to you as proof of my own inferiority. I let society’s opinion of my worth declare me unqualified, before you got the chance. I thought if I could start by helping you get your job back that maybe you’d at least let me talk to you about the rest of it, the ‘loving you’ part.”
He pulled a folded sheet of loose-leaf paper out of his pocket. “I took the liberty of making a list of pros and cons.”
“You did?” Clara stared at the document. “That’s so romantic.”
“There are a lot of terrifying women in my life right now, but I don’t care,” Josh said. “Because when I look at you, Clara, it’s like a rabid beast inside me sits back on its haunches and sighs, Finally. But I want to make sure you’re cool with this. All of it. Before we go any further, have you spoken to your family?”
Clara closed her eyes. This question, among so many other wonderful things about this moment, showed her that Josh had listened, that he cared.
“No. Not yet. But I think somehow it’s going to be okay. It’ll be painful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m getting a lot more comfortable with discomfort. You were right. I’ve used my family as an excuse to avoid things that scared me, even good things, for too long. I’m done asking for permission. I’m choosing my own life. They’ll forgive me eventually. I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Damn. This has been a big day,” Josh said with a panty-dropping grin. “How you feeling?”
“Grateful.” Clara perched on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you. You know, I don’t think I would have been content as a silent partner of Shameless in the end. I think I would have read the press coverage and watched the subscribers roll in and seethed with jealousy. I care about it too much. I do want to help Toni win reelection and take down Pruitt, but I think when the campaign’s over I might focus full-time on the site for a while, burn through a little more of my trust fund.”
His hands traveled from her hair down past her waist to flirt with the hem of her dress. The brush of his knuckles against the outside of her thighs was enough to send a bolt of desire down her spine.
When she spoke, her words came out a little breathless. “It’s not every day you get to topple a porn empire.”
chapter thirty-eight
TWO YEARS LATER . . .
YOU’RE BURNING THE turkey,” Clara whispered in his ear. She lowered the oven temperature significantly but pushed up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek to soften the blow.
“Your dad said he likes a ‘golden brown bird with crispy skin.’” Josh knuckled sheepishly at his cheekbone.
“Looks plenty crispy to me.” She pressed her hands over his shoulders, urging his rumpled button-down to lie flat. “I’ve never seen you this nervous.”
“This is the first time the Wheaton and Conners families are having Thanksgiving under one roof. Not to mention a few stray interlopers.” He turned back to the oven. “I’m striving for excellence.”
Clara tugged on the bow of the gingham apron tied around his hips. “Yes, well, your mother said if you don’t go out there and introduce her to Toni, she will have no choice but to show the DA your embarrassing baby pictures. I wouldn’t chance it. She brought an entire album. I know because she took me through it within five minutes of her arrival.”