“I know. You said that. I just didn’t really believe you. We didn’t see anyone else on our climb.”
“And yet we passed many, and more passed us. You think the creator of the Thousand Worlds has made only one path of pilgrimage?”
Okay, lots of religious obfuscation there, but it was possible that there was some sort of anomaly here on this island that made time seem warped. If so, it made sense that primitive peoples would build a monument in such a place. How perception and reality overlapped with will-casting was something Gavin didn’t understand well. No one did, he thought. He had to take the threat seriously.
Whether it was all lies or all the truth, though, he had to finish this climb.
He had no way of knowing if the chute was intact. A fall could well kill him, even if it wasn’t meant to. Maybe it was true and earlier pilgrims had had multiple chances. That didn’t matter. Gavin had to make it on the first try. Full stop.
He had to get to the top before Sun Day, or Karris would die. Magic had to die, or Karris would.
One try.
“Well, it’s not like I haven’t been here before,” Gavin said, looking off the edge.
“On a real pilgrimage?” Orholam asked.
“How ’bout you pray silently, and not fall to your death?” Gavin suggested.
Orholam shut up. For once.
“Here, as in facing the impossible, with no help, certainly not from you,” Gavin said.
Seven gates he’d cleared, claiming seven stones he was supposed to be able to redeem to get seven boons. Gavin had planned out what boons he’d asked of Orholam, too, with feebly growing hope in his heart:
1. That Karris will live
2. That I recover my powers
Perhaps this was a cheat, asking too many things, for it would require the restoration of his color vision, and to be able to draft all his colors again, and to split light again. He didn’t know how legalistic Orholam would be with His boons, or how general Gavin could be, or how audacious the boons requested could be. But audacity had served him well in his life.
3. That I get vengeance on those who have wronged me
4. That I will reign again as Prism
5. That Kip will get the father he deserves
Whether that would be Gavin himself (only better than he was now), or if that was some other father figure, Gavin didn’t know. Either, maybe.
6. That I will save the Seven Satrapies
Not just limp along through this war, but really, really make it. Thrive, even.
7. That Karris will forgive me
Maybe that was too much to ask. Maybe the boons couldn’t force people to do what they didn’t want to do. That would be the kind of stricture Orholam would abide, wouldn’t it? Something easier, then:
7. That Marissia will find happiness
Yeah, she deserved that. That she would have an overflowing life somewhere, with someone better to her than he’d been.
That was the order, too. Funny, his priorities. The only one he thought was in an acceptable place was the first: Karris. Even a year ago, he’d not have put that there.
And really, the survival of the Seven Satrapies should be his highest priority.
Only one goal was fully un-self-interested. Nope, wait: No, not even saving the Seven Satrapies was really disinterested, was it? Hard to be the Prism over nothing, wasn’t it?
“What do you call it when you realize you’ve been an asshole your whole life?” Gavin asked.
“A good start?” Orholam offered.
Gavin opened the pocket that held the boon stone for overcoming Lust. A beautiful green stone, Orholam had told him. Beautiful and weighty.
‘That Marissia Will Find Happiness’ lay heavy in his hand as he hefted it.
I didn’t come this far to only come this far.
He tossed the boon stone off the side of the tower. Something shifted in the world, or in him, but he couldn’t tell what it was.
No matter. He couldn’t make the jump while he was still weighed down with so much.
He opened the pocket that held Greed’s boon stone, but it caught in his fingers. He had to think for a long time what boon he would sacrifice here. In the end, he decided to give up ‘That I Will Reign Again as Prism.’ He tossed the orange stone aside and instantly felt lighter.
He shrugged his shoulders, tested how his body felt.
He stared heavenward, and dread filled him.
I feel lighter because I’m giving up my hopes.
“What are you doing?” Orholam asked.
“You know the thing about me?” Gavin asked.
“I know many things about you.”
“The most important one.”
“I think I’m not supposed to say aloud what I think that is,” Orholam said. “I could pray for wisd—”
“I’ll do whatever I must to win.”
“A universal failing of the Guiles.”
Next pocket, opened. Sloth’s stone.
‘That I Will Save the Seven Satrapies’ dropped by the wayside.
It was a death.
“I should have known,” Gavin said, “that any hope You’d give would be short-lived. Deceptive. You are astonishing in Your parsimony. You give and You take away, I suppose? Is that what we humble pilgrims are to learn?”
“It seems to me that He’s taking nothing from you,” Orholam said. “You’re throwing them aside.”
“The gap’s too wide!” Gavin snarled.
But words changed nothing.
Red. Dagnu’s stone. Gluttony. Kip. Was asking for happiness for Kip somehow Gavin being gluttonous?
It wasn’t. Sure, Gavin wanted everything. Could never ask enough. But wasn’t asking a boon for Kip selfless? How could Orholam oppose that?
I want to give him something so good, he’ll never ask for the truth about his real father, whom I killed.
Gavin looked at the red boon stone. Sorry, Kip. You deserve better.
He tossed the stone aside, closing his eyes.
He bounced on his feet as if unaffected, testing his weight. Still too heavy, too encumbered. Three stones left. He knew what he should toss aside next. He opened sub-red. Anat’s stone, goddess of Wrath. His vengeance. If Orholam made him focus his request, what would he choose? Vengeance on all wights for Sevastian’s murder, as his Great Goal had once been? Vengeance on Koios White Oak for this damned war? Or was he pettier than that, his world even more constricted? Vengeance on his father?
He touched the raw wound that was the sub-red boon stone.
Tossing it away was like tearing away a scab that had an unhealed wound beneath it.
The warmth fled from the world, and it took some of the life from Gavin’s limbs with it.
If I recover my powers, I can take vengeance myself. With my powers, I’m Prism Gavin Guile. With my powers, I can do anything. This time I won’t waste it.
Now he had only two boons left he could ask: First, that Karris would live—that she would triumph! Yes, he would be audacious on her behalf. Second, that he recover all his powers, fully, with the full span of his years left in them, that he could last another twenty-one years as Prism, at least. With only two boons, he’d ask no half measures.
Gavin began limbering up his muscles. He checked the very edge of the precipice for grip, both as he would launch into his jump and where he would land. He would roll on the other side, he thought.
“When you fall, do you wish me to climb with you again, or do you want to come alone?” Orholam asked. “My instructions weren’t clear about if I was supposed to accompany you for more than one attempt.”