Mol hooted as she lifted her legs up and down in delight. ‘Of course you do, Mummy. Do I?’ She fumbled with her elasticated mittens in a rush to get to the cake.
‘You OK?’ Kelly said to me, still standing beside the table.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘You?’
‘Come here,’ she said. I did as I was told and we hugged. I thought I might cry – I wanted to, to let it out – but the presence of Mol and the public setting prevented a full-blown sob. I just gave my best friend an extra squeeze.
We sat down, Kelly sighing heavily as if she had just walked fifty miles and could finally take the weight off her feet. ‘I ordered you a decaf and an apple juice for Mol,’ I said.
She grinned. ‘Thoughtful. You all ready for Christmas, then?’
‘Nope,’ I said. ‘You know how I love Christmas.’
‘We’re off to Dan’s mum and dad tomorrow. I’ve had to be super-organized. You know they don’t have any phone coverage? You go there and it’s like you’re dead.’
‘You’re always super-organized. And it’ll be good to have some time off the Internet.’
‘This is true. Although you will remember who I am, won’t you? When I come back from the dead?’
‘I’ll remember you.’
‘You going to Joe’s parents’?’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘Good old Dorothy.’
‘Oh, don’t. And Daisy – oh, my god.’
Kelly laughed. ‘Don’t go. Skip the trustafarians. Go and see your dad.’
‘Too late to buy a flight or a ferry now.’
Kelly sighed. ‘No it isn’t. Rosebud, why don’t you just do what you want to do? You can, you know.’
‘What do I want to do, though?’ I said.
‘Well, that is the question on everyone’s lips.’
‘It’s all right for you,’ I said. ‘Dan’s mum and dad are lovely. You’re sorted.’
Kelly lifted the fork from her daughter’s hand, and with the ferocity of a crazed dictator carving up a map, she divided the slice of chocolate cake into bitesize chunks. The fork tinked aggressively on the plate. Mol looked slightly frightened, knowing her mother was electrified about something. ‘It’s so claustrophobic there,’ Kelly said, her voice now more under control as she handed Mol back the fork. ‘I end up offering to chop logs for their wood-burner – in sub-zero temperatures for fuck’s sake. I do it every year. Just so I can breathe. And then by day three I’ve cracked and I go and stand on a hill with my phone aloft hoping to make some outside contact.’
I tried not to laugh. ‘You chop logs?’
‘I’m fucking excellent at chopping logs, thank you. How do you not know this about me? I’m a bloody lumberjack. I’ll be chopping logs all day long if I have to.’
Kelly had begun to laugh too, and it was such a relief to let go of the worries about our friendship that I think we’d both brought with us through the door. ‘Oh, my god,’ she said, shaking her head, bravely trying to summon good cheer. ‘I still have so much to do, you know? I don’t want to go, but his parents want to see Mol so badly. I’ve got this huge project coming up with a really cool brand I’ve been cultivating for months.’ She didn’t mention the actual brand, because we both knew I would never have heard of it. ‘Mol’s only with me because Dan said he had some last-minute work he had to sign off, as if my schedule wasn’t just as important. But you and me had this coffee date planned for days. I was going to come on my own, then go and do some work, but no.’
Her smile had gone, and she sat back, radiantly furious.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I got wrapped up in my own thing. As usual. I didn’t know about this project.’
‘I probably didn’t even mention it. I can’t even remember my own name most days.’ She raised her eyebrow at me. ‘Bit like you, Laura.’
I ignored her. ‘How’s all that going?’ she pushed.
‘Actually,’ I said, ‘I really like Connie.’
‘Uh-oh. What do you actually do every day?’
‘Well, at the moment, I’m typing up her manuscript. She’s written a new novel.’
‘Is it any good?’
‘It’s amazing. It’s set in Massachusetts in the 1620s. There’s this woman, and she has a daughter. And the community start accusing the woman of being a witch. And then her daughter gets pregnant and it starts going wrong for them.’
‘Why the 1620s in America?’
The waitress brought us our coffees and the juice for Mol. Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow at Kelly. ‘You don’t ask questions like that. You just take what she gives you, and join the dots up later.’
‘And are you? Joining up the dots?’
I sighed. ‘Maybe.’
‘What does that mean?’
I told Kelly about the conversation I’d overheard between Deborah and Connie. Kelly frowned. ‘But she didn’t mention the name Elise?’ she said.
‘Well, no. But she did talk about a man, and how he never blamed Connie for what happened.’
Kelly looked dubious. ‘Rosie, that could be about anyone. Why don’t you just talk to her about it?’
I took a sip of coffee. ‘It’s weird, Kel. I just feel – comfortable there. I like being with her.’ Kelly looked dismayed, so I pressed on. ‘I just feel useful. And she’s a really interesting woman.’
‘Do you think she has any idea who you are?’
I put the coffee down and picked up some of Mol’s chocolate cake crumbs from the edge of her plate. ‘Well. Sometimes, I think she looks at me funny. She stares at me.’
‘What, like she recognizes you?’ said Kelly, her eyes widening.
‘Sort of? Or that she knows exactly who I am and she’s just playing with me.’
‘Oh man. That’s weird.’
‘And then I think that’s just my wishful thinking.’
‘But she hasn’t tried to poison you yet?’
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’
‘So you are. You’re a real weirdo sometimes, Rose, but I’m glad it’s working out for you. Just take care. Old ladies, man, they’re dangerous.’
‘Thanks, Kel.’ I decided, on reflection, not to tell her how I had recast my boyfriend in the role of an antiques dealer. ‘Do you – talk to Dan about how you feel – the work balance, and stuff?’
Kelly sighed. ‘I’ve learned to pick my battles. I’ll just get the work done later when Mol’s in bed.’
‘I just seem to wander into my battles,’ I said.
‘You do a bit, but that’s OK. You’ve got good armour. You’re Laura Brown.’ Kelly laughed and leaned back in the armchair. ‘No, but seriously, the real difference between me and you, Rosie, is that I know I’m not going to win every battle and it drives me crazy, and you never think you’re gonna win any. And I hate that for you. You’ve got to believe in yourself. You know I only get angry because I love you and I want the best for you.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’