Dean feeding her poison to keep her from her magic. Blaming her for his parents. Secreting her to Kael to get rid of her.
The Byern drought. Edric showing her the garden he had watered for her instead of helping the less fortunate. The way he had railed against her when he found out about her engagement to Dean. The way he’d felt entitled to not only her body, but also her heart.
Kael teaching her to steal magic. To cut into minds. To turn her against everyone else. Using her.
Her parents dead on the floor.
Edric dead beside them.
The blood magic that had turned her into an addict.
Daufina swinging from scaffolding.
Avoca being picked up by the Nokkin on the mountainside in the middle of the Drop Pass. Him tossing her aside. Then, her lying in a coma for months.
Fallon covered in blood.
The face of the dark prince within the House of Shadows. Fordham, who had lured her forward. The call that had sung in her veins.
Serafina’s betrayal when she had worked with Viktor to destroy the Doma.
The moment Ahlvie had been taken by Malysa.
Vera’s confession.
Her friends’ abandonment.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
They rushed over her. Rushed through her.
Remember. Remember. Remember.
Never forget.
They were on a reel, repeating themselves. Showing her every misstep. Every heartache. Every betrayal and death and consequence. Everything she had ever done that had ended in destruction.
This was not the work of the Heir of the Light. This was of darkness. This was her fault.
Tears poured down her face as she replayed not just what had happened, but also all the horrible emotions that had gone along with it. Every pain relived tenfold.
She tightened her grip on the diamond, enduring the agony. Because this only told one half of the story. It didn’t show that she and Rhea had kept in touch. That Rhea was still on her side, even when she had been cast out. That the night she had been stabbed was how she met Orden. That Dean’s betrayal had led to him acquiring his magic and them being reunited on different footing. That she had been so affected by the water shortage because she was no longer the spoiled Affiliate she had been when she first arrived at court. That her parents’ deaths and the subsequent blood magic addiction had brought Edric back to life. Avoca’s coma had brought them closer through the bond and fixed the problems between her and Ahlvie. Vera’s betrayal had finally shown her the truth. Her friends’ abandonment had brought her straight to the diamond.
It was one side of the coin. With the pain came growth. It came with understanding and empathy. It showed her the new way forward. Honed her trust and problem-solving and determination. Made her relentless to get answers. And she was better for it…even if it still hurt with an unparalleled intensity.
Then, just as suddenly as it had come, the words fell back into the book, and it slammed shut with a thud.
No one spoke for a minute.
They allowed her time to compose herself. Wipe the tears from her face and shakily rise to her feet. The diamond still held tightly in her fist.
“You have all the qualifications,” Selma said calmly. “You can access all four elements and spirit. You would never have been able to be here at this moment without them. But you have also seen the world. You have experienced what the world has to offer. Now, you have a choice.”
Cyrene’s voice was shaky when she responded, “What choice?”
“Whether or not you will proceed.” Selma smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. “The way forward binds you to all Doma—past, present, and future. Your duty will be to them above all else. That means, you are no longer free. The Doma come first.”
Cyrene’s stomach tightened at that word. Free. Had she ever really had freedom? From the moment she had become an Affiliate, she had been shackled with the weight of prophecy. And then later, her magic. To hear that she would never have that freedom was daunting.
“We want to be clear with you. This is no trick. There is no further testing. You have seen your past. The suffering that you have endured. The way forward is more suffering. More of the same.” Selma’s eyes were kind and sad.
“And the other option?” Cyrene asked with a gulp.
“The way back means, you give that suffering to another.”
Cyrene shuddered. She would never choose to allow someone else to suffer in her place. Never.
Selma leaned forward. “Another will be called to serve.” She pressed her hands onto the sides of the chair and raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t have to be you.”
That was what she had always wanted to hear. It didn’t have to be her. Someone else could step in. Someone else could take her place. She could stop the suffering and the horror. She could leave this for someone else to deal with…just as Serafina had.
And had regretted for two thousand years until she could right her wrong.
As much as Cyrene wanted someone else to take the mantle so that she could live a happy life and not have to figure out all that was to come after this moment, she couldn’t imagine stopping now. Not after how far she had come.
“No,” Cyrene whispered. “It does have to be me.”
“This is not for the faint of heart,” Selma told her. “You have to choose this willingly and selflessly. For there is no going back.”
“There never was,” she told her truthfully. “Not for me.”
“Are you certain?”
Cyrene straightened her spine, tilted her chin, and then grinned. “Yes.”
For a second, all she saw was the relief on Selma’s face and the tears gleaming in Serafina’s eyes. It was as if they were suspended in time. In that moment when she had said yes. When she had chosen her own path instead of the one that had always been chosen for her.
This was what she wanted. This was who she was.
Selma waved her hand, and Cyrene’s clothing melted away into a gown of pure white. Then the diamond was gone from her hand. After a moment of panic, she felt it settle on a chain at her throat.
“Congratulations, Domina Cyrene,” Selma said as everyone cheered for her. “We all believe in you.”
Then the darkness crept, and Cyrene was standing again in the Doma chamber of her present. She was still dressed in pure white with the diamond necklace around her neck. Shadowbreaker still strapped to her back. And, to her surprise, all of her magic was at her fingertips. The well replenished as if she had just slept for days and eaten heartily. A gift as much as the clothes and the necklace.
She touched the diamond, which should have been so much heavier than it was, and smiled.
“Domina,” she whispered in awe into the chamber. “I am the Domina.”
12
The Waking
Elea
A shudder pulled Elea from sleep. She rolled over in bed and saw Kael shuck the covers off of him. She rubbed her tired eyes and watched him. He’d told her that he used to be a heavy sleeper. That, as a child, he’d been able to sleep through anything. But he didn’t anymore.
She’d never seen him sleep through the night. Not with the blood magic that feasted on him during the day and the darkness that swept into his dreams at night.
But this felt different than normal in some way.