“No, I’m not wrong about this.” How do I tell her that I think it’s him playing harmful pranks on me? Who put glass in my mattress and into my back?
Her blank stare stuck on me. “Say you won’t say anything. At least let me figure this out first. Then, I’ll tell her myself.”
“Fine.” I threw my hands up in the air. “It’s your funeral.”
Unable to face anyone, I decided not to go back to the mess hall and retreated to my dorm instead, spilling my secrets into my only trusted friend—my journal.
Our weekly meeting of Woman Against Sexual Assault was awkward that evening. Tyler, Bria, two new girls, and I sat spaced out on the floor. The new girls helped deflect the big fat elephant in the room—the elephant being Tyler and Bria sitting across from one another and sleeping with the same guy.
My loyalties laid out before me. I glanced over at Bria, her listening intently to the small mouse-like teen with a voice to match, nodding in moments when she was supposed to, completely unaware of what was happening behind her back.
Then there’s Tyler turned blonde-bombshell playboy model after losing a quick ten pounds in a month, gaze sailing back and forth between Bria and me with guilt hovering over her like a raincloud. I nudged my eyes over to Bria, instigating this was the safest place to spill her confession, but she only shook her head with wide eyes.
“ … and now here I am. I know it was so long ago, and I should be over it by now … ” the new girl continued.
Bria interjected, hushing her. “No, that stuff stays with you forever. The important thing is you’re here now.” Bria crawled across the floor and offered the girl a hug.
“What about you? Can I hear your story?” the girl asked.
Bria glanced over at me before settling into a spot beside her. “My story isn’t even mine; it’s Mia’s.” Bria held her hand over her heart. “The wanker who raped me only did it because another bloke wanted to get to her. I was never the objective … only an opportunity for distraction.”
“Thank you, Bria,” I clipped out, not wanting to hear that night all over again. Bria shot me a small smile to comfort me, but I didn’t need comforting. What I needed was Tyler’s confession to be out in the open because I didn’t know how long I could hold on to this one for.
After our session, the girls branched off as Bria and I fell into step back to our wing. My mouth ran without admission, trying to keep the subject away from all things Jude and Tyler, only to talk about safe matters such as being sick of the cafeteria food and craving a taco and a mocha iced coffee when Bria stopped me in my tracks, placing a hand on my arm before we turned a corner. Her black bob grazed her shoulders as she turned her head around to make sure we were alone. “Want to know a secret?”
No. Fuck no. Absolutely not. No. Uh-uh.
“Sure,” I said, my voice vacant and my teeth grinding.
Bria’s lips quirked. “Jerry got me some … ” she pinched her forefinger and thumb together and brought it to her mouth, imitating a blunt.
My eyes bulged. “Jerry, the security guard?”
Bria nodded excitedly, hooking her arm into mine and ushered me forward around the corner. “I’ll let you join me in the woods tomorrow, but only you.” She faced forward but my eyes stayed on her, trusting she wouldn’t lead me into a cement wall.
“How did you get Jerry to get you something like that?”
She shrugged as we stopped in front of her door, “I caught him banging one of the doctors while everyone was at dinner. A small threat can go a long way.” A snort blew out before my head fell back into a silent cackle. “Mia!” Bria nudged me with her shoulder. “You can’t say anything. Got it?”
“Okay … okay. I got it.” I quickly recovered, but my smile still lingered.
The next morning, I woke with Ethan snoring lightly beside me. I jerked my head out the window to see the sun shining blatantly through, meaning it was past seven. Frantically, I shook him until his eyes sprang open.
“Fuck,” he jumped to his feet, looking around blindly for his clothes scattered across the floor, “bloody hell, Jett.” Black boxers clung around his waist and thighs. Bare-chested and beautiful, I couldn’t help but admire the way his muscles moved under his untouched-by-ink skin. My gaze drifted across his chest, down his abdomen, to the morning wood stretching in his boxers. “Jett!”
I hadn’t noticed he stopped his movements to watch me ogle at him, and Ethan did nothing to hide his huge morning surprise as it stared right back at me. No, instead, he planted two hands over his hipbones and leaned forward. “Jett … ” he said slowly.
I snapped my eyes back to his face. “Wh-wh-why were you naked?”
“Oh, grow up.” Ethan shook his head. “This isn’t naked, and I had to get comfortable.” He pulled a white tee over his head, and the hem draped over his boner like it was no big deal. “I can’t sleep with clothes on.”
To distract myself, I leaned over the edge of the mattress and snatched up his pants before throwing it at him and covering my eyes. “Put that away. You’re going to hurt someone with that thing.”
Ethan forced back a laugh, but a smirk did push through his features, and it was a rare moment that should be documented. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“I think we just passed a boundary in our friendship.”
“That boundary was pushed the moment you dropped your towel in the bathroom.” One by one, he pushed his legs through his pants. “And the second you invited me into your bed.” After securing his pants, he scooped up his uniform shirt and stood over me. His hand came over the top of my head and he ruffled my hair like a child. “Don’t worry. I don’t come in second for no one. It can never go where you’re thinking.”
“Never crossed my mind.” Until now, thanks to him.
“Good.”
“Good.”
“See ya later, Jett,” Ethan finally said with a thick voice full of something I couldn’t put my finger on, and he slipped out the door without a trace.
I fell back against the mattress with anxious thoughts of where this was heading. Ethan said it could never go down that path, but now that path was coursing through my mind. Ethan was easy. He was secure. He was everything Ollie wasn’t right now. Ethan would be the right decision if I had a choice to decide at all.
But I didn’t have a choice. Ollie took that away the moment he stepped into my life.
Instead of joining Bria in the woods, I opted for Movie Day in the recreation room, a place I hardly visited. I stood by the entryway, door ajar, and scanned for a familiar face in unfamiliar territory. The lights were out, and all eyes faced the 1990’s television resting on a rolling cart like back in high school. Beanbag chairs sprawled out in front of the room, and an oversized couch sat in the back. Many brought their pillows and blankets from their dorm rooms, and silent whispers and giggles played out under the subtle sounds of the crackling TV.
A security guard sat under the covered window with his feet kicked up and his hands stuffed into a chip bag, indulged in whatever was playing.
“Mia,” a voice whispered, and my eyes filtered through the room when a small hand waved into the air. Tyler. A breath of relief spilled out of me as I made my way toward her near the back with Gwen curled next to her.