I inched my way to the back of the wall and pulled my knees up. “Mia’s with Conway,” I turned my gaze to the clock, “She’ll be back in thirty minutes.”
A tear rolled down Bria’s cheek, and she pulled her hands over her face. I’d never once seen Bria cry, especially over a bloke. “It’ll be okay,” I gripped her shoulder, “He’s a wanker, anyway.”
“You think so?” She sat up and wiped her arm across her eyes.
Quite frankly, no. I didn’t think Jude was a wanker, but I nodded anyway. She’d caught me off guard and I’d say anything to make her feel better and leave.
Jude suffered the death of his girlfriend, and by the look in his eyes, the love of his life. His actions were wrong, but I understood them.
Bria curled into my side, and I wrapped my arm around her.
“I miss hanging out with you.” Bria’s words muffled by my hoodie. “I feel like I never see you anymore. We never hang out. We used to be close. You used to be this badass without a care in the world. I missed that about you.”
“That wasn’t me.” That was the arsehole on meds, allowing the darkness to take control. Bria swung her leg over my lap and snaked her arms around me, tears flowing into my chest. I sat confused and frozen. “Come on,” I tried to pull her up, but she held on so tight, “Let’s take a walk, yeah? You can walk with me to get Mia.”
Bria shook her head. “I just need a hug, Ollie,” she cried. “You give the best hugs.”
My head spun, and all I could think about was Mia and how the hell I was supposed to get out of this mess. Keeping my hands at my sides, I looked up to the ceiling, waiting for her cries to dissipate, then Bria rolled her hips against me.
My knob jerked in my joggers, warning me.
I wanted to throw her off me, but the paralysis gripped every muscle and limb.
“Oh, Ollie,” Bria cried again, her bony hip grinding against me, and the sound of my name hit me like a punch to the brain.
The bathroom. It had been Bria crying out my name.
Another hip grind, and I looked down between us to see her wetness seep through the thin material of her pants. She had no knickers on. The flashback of my first time with Lacey ripped through me, digging out the caged beast raging inside with every utter of my name from Bria’s lips.
“Stop,” I warned through gritted teeth. “Fucking stop.”
One more fucking grind was all it took, and I shoved her off the bed. Her back slammed against the floor, and she looked up, shocked and disoriented. “What the hell was that for?” Bria massaged the back of her head.
“I warned you. Don’t fucking come near me.”
“Is this about Mia?”
My brows raised and I bounced to my feet freeing myself of the sweats she ruined. “You’re impossible,” I swiped up a fresh pair of pants and shoved my legs through, “You tried taking advantage of me—again. Mia’s not here to tear your arse off me this time, but I have enough willpower to say no to fanny.” I shook my head, remembering the time Bria almost had her way with me last year after I’d stupidly drank too much.
“What do you mean again? You think that’s what happened? You think I tried taking advantage of you?” Bria laughed and looked around the room. “You remember, yeah? The long nights after Isaac, Alicia, and Maddie left, it was just you and me. We fucked, Ollie. You fucked me hard. You never said no to me before. What happened that night with Mia was only a misunderstanding.”
All the color drained from my face. “You and me,” I pointed my finger back and forth between us, “We never fucked.”
Bria laughed and looked me up and down. “Wow. Congratulations, Ollie,” Bria clapped her hands together, “You’re the most screwed up person at Dolor … ” Her words ran together thereafter as I stood in a fucking daze, trying to recall ever sticking it in her. “Don’t worry, I accept who you are, regardless of your erection problem. But we can fix that.”
With my contaminated joggers clutched in my fist, I took a step back, adding distance between us. “My dick was never the problem,” I shoved my hand through my hair and peered down at her, “I want you out by the time I come back.”
The entire way to Conway’s, I ransacked through every memory of the summer before Mia arrived. Regardless if it happened or not, it was a time before Mia. If it happened, Mia wouldn’t care. This wouldn’t bother her. We’d been through worse.
But there was no way I fucked her.
Was there?
Did I?
Bria got into my head, and I couldn’t piece that bloody summer together—couldn’t hear myself anymore. I’d been pissed or fucked up on pills half the time, then the other half spent in confinement. My pace quickened, and sweat rolled down my hairline. My eyes darted to every clock I’d walked passed.
Time—measured in the number of steps from my soul to hers, the number of words I’d have to get out before she had a chance to part her lips, and the seconds spent in silence that followed. She was too bloody far.
Five minutes.
I rounded the corner and collided with her.
“Ollie,” Mia breathed out and pulled away from me. Her hypnotizing eyes examined mine and drove around my features as her hands grabbed hold of my hoodie.
Oxygen rushed down my throat, and the fresh air filled my lungs. I could breathe. “I think I fucked Bria,” I blurted into the unnecessary space between us.
Mia’s brows raised and her muscles twitched in my hold. “You think?”
“She came in my room when I was sleeping, jumped my john, got her shit on my sweats … ” I shook my head, “She said we used to fuck.” Mia’s eyes widened, and nothing had been coming out right. “I think I need Conway.” I grabbed her hand and started for the doctor’s door.
“Whoa,” Mia yanked my arm, pulling me backward until my eyes were back on her. “You need to slow down,” her hand landed on my chest, and my eyes blinked rapidly, “Let’s go talk.”
“Dammit, Mia. Don’t you see? I’m going mad!”
Five.
Four.
Three …
Her fingers dipped beneath my hoodie, and her warm palm covered my chest and expanded throughout the rest of my body. Hitting me like a drag of nicotine, my muscles relaxed instantly. Amazing, really, my reaction to her. With closed eyes, my head dropped back, and I let out a steady breath against her subtle touch.
“I’m with you,” she said a notch above a whisper, and I could have sworn she was a sorceress because this was nothing short of magic. Pure fucking magic. The heaviness lifted, and I pulled my head back to face her as my heart matched the beat of the subtle pulse in her fingers.
“Mia,” I said in a gathered breath. “We need to talk. I can’t hold everything in any longer. At any moment, I’ll explode.”
It hadn’t taken long for Bria to poison our room. The rubbish smell. The thoughts. The cries still echoing from inside my brain to the concrete walls. I stripped the bed, bundled the sheets, and threw them right outside the door.
“Is all this really necessary?” Mia asked with her arms crossed. The heat of her stare followed my every move.