“I don’t care,” I finally whispered, but the frozen, lifeless parts of me slowly chipped away. The only thing it revealed was a rage. For some reason, Ethan’s confession made me angry.
“No,” he appeared before me, cutting off my direct line to the trees, “It’s time you heard my story.” His eager tone stirred the calm of the woods, causing birds to fly from their branches. I held my gaze, not moving an inch. “I walked her back, all the way to her cabin. It was a tad over a two-mile walk. Four thousand one hundred and forty steps. But it didn’t take all of them for me to fall for her. It only took half. Right here, I stopped her rambling about how crazy it was that we found ourselves walking in the middle of the night in the cold, two strangers. She joked that I could easily murder her and throw her body into the woods, but said she felt safe with me. And something came over me. If I didn’t kiss her right then and there, I was so afraid I would never have the chance again. So, I kissed her,” his voice faltered. “I’d never kissed before, and I’m sure she hadn’t either, and it was sloppy and messy, but it was ours.”
I kissed Ollie in my dreams. Over and over, we kissed, and it wasn’t sloppy or messy. Every single time it was earth-shattering, breathtaking, and painted an endless array of color in my black and white dreams.
“We walked the rest of the way after that, hand in hand until we reached her cabin. Her dad yelled from the inside once he heard us laughing, so we said our goodbyes after I kissed her again. It was the first and last time I ever saw her. The next morning, I woke up to helicopters flying over us, firetrucks, and alarms going off. Her cabin went up in flames because her drunk dad fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand. Ashlyn and her little sister never even made it out of their beds. They died in their fucking sleep, but her dad and his mate made it out alive. I punished myself every godforsaken day for not listening to my gut. I should’ve never let her back inside that house with those two drunks.”
Ethan paused, and the only thing simmering in my mind was the fact the girl died in her sleep. If I died in my sleep, did it mean I could be with Ollie locked away in a dream forever? The idea washed a sense of peace over me.
“That’s why I joined the police force,” Ethan continued. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. I’m not going to hurt you, Jett. I’d never intentionally hurt you. Despite what you might be thinking right now, I do care about you. Maybe I’m not doing it right, and maybe I just don’t know how, but … fuck … I don’t know. Anytime I let someone I care about out of my grasp, death follows. I’m scared for a million damn reasons to let you go at this point.”
I think a part of me could have felt for him at that moment or understand him at the very least, but this need to run had complete control of me.
As soon as Ethan turned his back and took a step in the opposite direction, I sprinted toward the trees.
One.
Two.
Three.
Three long strides were all it took before he brought me down.
“Are you fucking stupid?” Ethan breathed harshly in my ear as his chest pounded against my back, and I closed my eyes, waiting for him to put me to sleep. “How many times do I have to remind you? We’re hundreds of miles from anything!”
He never did.
Ethan fed me dinner that night. In my zip-ties, unable to escape this abyss of nothingness. Worry etched his features with every spoonful of soup he brought to my mouth as I sat paralyzed. He pleaded for me to talk, to say anything, but I couldn’t. All I could do was imagine breaking free from the restraints, snatching the silver spoon, and shoving it down his throat.
During my bath time, I laid immobile and locked inside my head as he washed me with his bare hands. They were strong and generous, but nothing like the man in my dreams. I concentrated on the lines on the wall, counting as his soapy palm roamed over every surface of my heated skin. Ethan washed me like the dishes in the sink—raw and to perfection until I was shiny and new again.
Ethan dressed me and carried me downstairs to the bedroom.
And that night, he laid beside me as my eyes stayed wide open. Ollie wouldn’t come, not with Ethan beside me, so I’d save my rest for when Ethan was gone. There was no point when the terrors came at night, anyway.
Outside the window, the trees danced with the moon, and I watched them swaying for hours with Ethan’s arm clasped around me in a tight hold. Even though his hands were on me, he couldn’t touch me.
OSCAR HAD TRANSFERRED to High Down, which wasn’t the worst prison in the surrounding area. Good for him. But, if I was honest, I liked the idea of knowing he was at the shit-hole Bronzefield, but at least High Down was closer.
The last time I’d seen Oscar was during sentencing. They’d allowed me to be there, and the smirk marring his mouth branded an unwanted memory ever since. It was a silent promise he’d find a way to get back at me for what I did—for what we both knew I’d taken from him.
But Oscar had it coming. For years, I’d watched him not only objectify women but brainwash them into submission to fuck them senseless. For years, he bullied and mentally-terrorized girls, grooming them into loving his sadistic nature. And For years, I’d become his project, wanting to turn me into his sidekick under his prostitution ring … What had the police called it? Oh, yeah. White Fox.
The cigarette between my two fingers burned, pulling me from the past. One last drag and the menthol slithered to my lungs before I flicked the nasty stick over the cracked pavement of the car park. Thanks to Travis, it only took two days for me to pick up the habit. The gum was useless at this point. Cigarettes kept my hands and grinding jaw occupied.
The sun peeked from the morning clouds, and I squinted toward the prison doors. Two minutes, and I would be face to face with my low-life brother again. I pushed off my newest purchase. An early 2000 station wagon. Black. I’d found it in a newspaper ad and negotiated my way down because the lady was eager to sell. Every day, the rental had taken a jab at Mia’s and my bank account, and Travis mentioned I could pay cash for something newer. But I didn’t need a fancy car. The bloody thing dropped in value every day, and I wasn’t a fool when it came to money. And I especially wasn’t foolish to waste a dollar to impress strangers. As long as it got me from point A to point B, the heap of junk would work the way I needed.
“When Hijack mentioned I had a visitor from no other than Oliver fucking Masters, I couldn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes,” Oscar scoffed, sarcasm dripping from his grin. “Please, tell me, little brother, what do I owe this pleasure?”
This visit wasn’t like what you would see on the telly. There was no glass separating me from Oscar’s vicious glare. Oscar’s black hair had grown out, and the tips touched his cheeks, where his deceiving smile rested. His dark eyes traveled over my attire, judging me and my freedom.
But despite my new-found freedom from Dolor, I was still a slave to heartache. The guards took my beanie before I entered the room, and every day I still wore either sweats or the black jeans and basic shirts that screamed I’d never left the world Mia and I were in, wanting to stay there for as long as possible. Travis said it was time to shop for new clothes, especially since I had my first book signing coming up, but I didn’t have time to go shopping when Mia had simply vanished.