He had no right for me to hear it.
Ignoring hope, I dropped my chin and kept my eyes on the marble tile while everyone went around the room talking about their progress and setbacks.
I’d learned that Isaac was dependent on pain killers, and had a past of doing whatever was necessary to fill that addiction. Alicia had been in and out of foster care most of her life, and found a family with a bad crowd, though there was a spark of hope in her eyes, and I wondered if Dolor was the reason behind it. She mentioned wanting to pursue a nursing degree after she left here.
“Ollie, how have you been since last Tuesday? Have you found something to keep your mood stable?” Arty asked. I lifted my head, and Ollie had been in the same position the entire time, leaned over with his elbows digging into his knees. His right knee bounced nervously and he applied more pressure to try to control it.
Ollie closed his hands together in front of him as he cocked his head in Arty’s direction. “Good question, Arty. Yeah, I mean, I’ve been okay since Tuesday. No outbursts.”
“Oh, good. Have you found comfort in something?”
“You can say that.” Ollie’s eyes fell back on me as his bouncing knee suddenly calmed.
“Very well. Hopefully, this one will stick this time.”
“I’m certain of it,” Ollie said slowly, as if each word was meant for me.
At dinner, I ran my fork through my corn, dividing it up into two sections. The number of corn was uneven, so I popped one in my mouth.
“We need to talk,” Ollie stated flatly as he approached my table. Maybe if I pretended he wasn’t standing beside me, peering down with a hand to the back of his head, he would go away.
Steering my attention back to my tray, I stabbed another kernel with my fork. Ollie rolled his head back and drew in a deep breath before walking behind me, lifting my books off the chair beside me, and taking a seat. He set the books on the table.
My eyes were on the corn; his eyes were on me. I knew because they were heavy and light all at once. When I still didn’t acknowledge him, he turned my knees until they settled between his and my whole body moved along until I faced him. “Stop acting like a child, Mia.”
I dropped my fork over my tray. “I’m not. I just don’t want to talk.”
“Is that the reason why you’re here? Because you’re emotionally detached?” he asked, and when I didn’t answer him, he continued, “I don’t believe that. You may have everyone else fooled, but I don’t believe it for one second.” I turned my head away, but Ollie wrapped his fingers around my chin and forced me to face him.
As soon as my eyes met his, something occurred to him.
“You’re scared …” He shook his head and softened his voice. “What are you scared of? What happened to you?”
I wish I knew. “Nothing happened to me. This is how I am.” I jerked my face from his hold, and he ran his hand up his forehead and through the front of his wave.
“No. Since you’ve been here, you haven’t defended anyone, but the moment I can’t help myself, you come to my rescue. And your eyes, Mia.” He grabbed my hand brought it close to him over his lap. “They light up when you see me, and every chance you had to kiss someone else, you refused or made up poor excuses. But you kiss me, and you fucking love it. Admit it, Mia, you do have feelings, and it scares the hell out of you.”
Damn right I had feelings. I felt cornered—forced to confront the same harsh questions I’d been struggling to find the answers to. There was no study or Wiki Forum to give me explanations as to why an emotionally detached girl of ten years could start experiencing moments of weakness. And even if it was somewhere in the cyber world, even if someone had been through this before, I had no access to find out.
Somehow, he was the only one to get under my skin, and I needed to prove him wrong. I needed to prove to myself this was all in my damn head. My gaze darted around the mess hall until they landed on Liam, and I suddenly knew what I needed to do.
“Where are you going?” Ollie asked as I stood from the chair.
He made every cell erupt inside me, and there was only one way to stop it.
My feet marched to Liam, who stood in front of his usual table, and before he could get a word out, I reached around his neck and pressed my lips against his. Ollie and Liam despised one another, and out of everyone in this mess hall, Liam was the answer to get Ollie off my back.
Liam’s hand found my waist as he pinned me against him and massaged his tongue against mine. The fire was gone, and the mess hall went up in a roar.
When I pulled away from Liam, I turned back to my table.
Ollie was gone.
Finally.
“What in the bloody hell was that for?” Liam asked with a lopsided grin, and the girls surrounding his table narrowed their eyes at me. Liam didn’t deserve an explanation, so I turned and walked away. The only person who deserved any amount of words was Ollie, and I had just proved he didn’t mean shit to me.
Jake, Alicia, and Isaac stared at me with disapproving looks as I exited the mess hall. I’d tried to warn them about me. They’d all found out the truth during group therapy, but no one had believed me. This was Ollie’s fault, not mine. I’d told him my rules. He’d known what he was getting himself into. He should have known better.
As soon as I opened the door to my dorm room, I paused under the door frame. Ollie sat over the edge of my bed with his elbows over his knees. His head hung between his shoulders, and I could tell his hair had been gripped numerous times on the way from the mess hall to here.
After closing the door behind me, I took a few steps toward the desk and leaned into it. “I warned you.”
Ollie lifted his head. “What the fuck was that back there? Was that your way of proving something to yourself?” His voice was thick but without malice, and there was a mixture of pain and sickness in his eyes.
“No, that was my way of proving something to you.”
Ollie stood from the mattress and walked toward me. “You want to prove something to me, yeah?” He brought his palm to my cheek, and my head involuntarily sunk into his hold. “Prove this alone doesn’t mean more to you than your ego.”
His thumb stroked my cheek, and I closed my eyes against his warmth. “Nothing,” I cracked in a lie.
“What about this?” Ollie lifted my chin and grazed his lips across mine, and I remembered the taste of him. I sucked in a breath. “We’re both sober right now, and nothing is stopping you from pulling away from me, but you can’t.” His long fingers reached behind my neck as the mint rolled off his tongue. “Mia, I’m going to kiss you now, and when I’m done, I promise I’ll leave, but—”