Ollie immediately jumped from the mattress to across the room and grabbed a small trash can. He made it just in time as my body hurled over the side. My hair was instantly pulled back as Ollie crouched down beside me. The only thing coming up was pure vodka. My throat burned as the residue of the dry heaving brought tears to my eyes.
Bringing my hands to my forehead, I shook my head. “I’m so embarrassed.”
Ollie moved the trashcan and let my hair fall before taking off his black shirt. “You think this is my first time seeing you vomit, Mia?” He smiled and took my face in his hand, wiping my tears and my mouth.
“I’m embarrassed for reacting the way I did. I should have never let her get to me.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t yank her by the hair and drag her across the floor.” He grinned. “You good now?” he asked, patting the trash can.
I nodded.
Ollie tossed his shirt across the room and climbed back over me. As he pulled the blankets around us, his scent and the covers both blanketed me. Calming. He intertwined his legs through mine and moved my hair off my neck before pressing his lips against my skin. “I can’t keep pretending, Mia.”
“Ollie …”
He pinned me to his torso. “No. What we have isn’t meant to be a secret.” He took my hand and brought it out in front of us before slipping one of his rings over my finger. “My promise to you, Mia. Whatever happens, it will never burn out, alright?”
Nodding, I laced my fingers into his and brought his hand close to my chest as Ollie burrowed his head into my neck.
I didn’t know much about love, but one thing he had taught me was to embrace it. Seize it as soon as it touches you. Drown in the feeling when it penetrates your soul. With love so deep, and a tomorrow never promised, every second in its brilliance was precious.
These were our moments that would fade into memories, and no one could take them away from us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“I knew it was forever
when I cherished our
conversation as much
as our love making.”
—Oliver Masters
TWISTING OLLIE’S RING around my pointer finger, I waited for him to stroll through those doors. Even though he’d put the ring over my ring finger, my thumb or pointer were the only two it didn’t fall entirely off from. I ran my thumb over the scroll of the ring, feeling its edges, its swirls, taking in its silver beauty with black lines. Intricate details. He’d never told me where the ring was from, or what it meant to him, but the fact his promise to me was now tied to the ring was all I needed to never be without it.
It was a Wednesday, and our last day before Christmas break. The professors left for two long weeks on holiday—but our Christmas would be spent on Dolor grounds. We were punished, not them. But a Christmas with Ollie was a far cry from a punishment.
In psychology, I sat in the back. As soon as Ollie entered the room, his smile sent a warming circulation within me. His hair grew longer, crazier, piling over his head. The lopsided wave transformed into a tsunami, but it only meant more for me to hold on to. He took his seat before Dr. Kippler arrived.
Dr. Kippler, disheveled and sloppy as ever, apologized for his tardiness like every day before.
There was no class after lunch today, only my counseling session with Dr. Conway. I wanted to trust her, but after what had happened with Maddie, I couldn’t bring myself to let my guard down again. Why would she make an exception for someone who isn’t assigned to her?
None of it made sense to me.
Jealousy.
I was jealous and territorial over my counselor. It sounded ridiculous, I know. “That sick feeling in your stomach, the knotted pit growing when you saw Maddie talking to me, or heard she got to Dr. C. That’s jealousy, Mia. Jealousy will destroy you if you let it,” Ollie had said to me.
Though I was considered an adult, the child who’d never gotten to live still resided within me. Having no experience with the multitude of emotions sweeping through me on a day-to-day basis had me questioning everything I thought I knew. All the research I’d done, now out the door.
When they were your own emotions, everything changed.
The halls were quiet as I quickly walked back to my dorm from Dr. Conway’s office. I took the stairs two at a time, rushing to get into my sweats, rushing to get to Ollie. We were almost finished with The Notebook, and I would still agree to the fact I hated reading, but having him read to me had become my favorite part of my week—next to our sexcapades.
“Whoa, darling. Where you off to in such a hurry?” Oscar asked as soon as my foot came off the last step. His gelled hair was combed back as his dark eyes sliced into me, charring my bones to ashes.
“My dorm,” I said flatly, pushing past him. I’d been trying to avoid him since my return from the Looney Bin, but each time our paths crossed, his perseverance had only strengthened with time.
He snatched me by the arm and pinned me against the wall. What I wanted to do was backhand him, knee him in the groin, or call out for help, but he had me by my past. He gripped those threats tightly around my neck every chance he had.
“I’ve seen this ring before. Where did you get this?” he asked, examining the ring on my hand. Jerking my hand from his hold, I took the ring off and slipped it into my pocket. My most treasured item. I had to keep it safe. “Mia, where did you get that?”
“It was a gift. A family heirloom,” I lied, then ducked under his arm and attempted to take a step from his stifling space. He pressed his hand against my chest as he slammed me back against the wall.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled.
Trembling, I asked, “What do you want from me?” He became more confident, surer of himself and the hold he had over me.
“What you owe me.” Oscar grinned as he drew closer. His hot breath against my cheek held me rigid. “Remember I own you, Mia. “His hand was between my legs, inching its way up. “I fucking own you, and there is nothing you can do about it.” Then he cupped my sex. I turned my head, wanting to cry as he applied more pressure. A knot of fear lodged in my throat as the aching swelled in my eyes.
“Please stop,” I begged. “Just stop this.”
“You know what they say when a girl says no.”
He didn’t stop, only rubbed his fingers more forcefully over the fabric of my jeans and I shook my head violently. Oscar grabbed my chin. His cigarette breath coated my lips. “Stop fighting it, Mia. It’s better that way.” And then he let me go with a single step back. “I’ll see you real soon, darling.”
I ran the rest of the way back to my dorm. Clicking the lock behind me, I fell back against my door and slid down until my bottom hit the marble. If I told Ollie, he would do something to get himself kicked out. If I told Dr. Conway, Oscar would only use my record against me and say it was all lies. He would say I had come onto him. Every time, Oscar reminded me of the repercussions, scaring me so I wouldn’t run. And it worked.