With a sigh, she laid a hand on her heart. “And then he did. When we’re together like that, I’m not the Savior or The One, or anything but … I’m just me.”
“I know,” Lana said again.
“It’s like that with Dad, for you?”
On a sigh of her own, Lana put a kettle on, chose teas. “All the months we were together, the time before you were born, and after, he never touched me, never asked. He wanted me, and I knew. Just as he knew I needed my grieving time for Max. And through that time, I fell in love, slowly and completely.”
She got out cups, and the honey Fallon loved. “It was the day Mallick came. The new year. The end of Year One. When we were alone again, the three of us, I told him I loved him and wanted our lives together to really begin. That was our first time together. And when he touched me, finally, I was just me.”
“You never told me.”
“It would have been just a pretty story before. Now you understand. We’re lucky, you and I, to love and be loved by good men. Through all this, the war, the loss, the victories, we can still be women in love with good men.”
She set out the tea, added cookies, and sat to talk, to listen.
“I wasn’t sure I’d know what to do—I mean other than the mechanics. There’s so much more.”
On a laugh, Lana bit into a cookie. “Thank the goddess for that.”
“Or that it would feel so good. Everything. We were still banged up and bloody, and it didn’t matter.”
“Might have added to it,” Lana replied.
“Then in the shower, we…” She trailed off, stirred honey into her tea. “Is it weird hearing this?”
“I’m patting myself on the back right now for being the kind of mother whose daughter feels comfortable talking to her about this. But … let’s not share the details with your father.”
Talk about awkward, Fallon thought. “Will he know, like you?”
“Unlikely. Let me ease him into it.”
Better, Fallon thought, much better to leave that part to her mother. “Good idea. Oh, I forgot. When we, the first time, when we— Well, the light just exploded. It burst everywhere, and through me, through him. Outside, the tree behind the memorial stone changed. It’s a tree of life, like Mallick’s.”
“Ah.” Lana sat back. “That explains it. Our memorial tree, it did the same. I thought it was a sign of victory, but now I see. Then again, love’s a victory.” She put her hand over Fallon’s. “Without it, all the battles mean nothing.”
“There’ll be more battles.”
“But you’ll go into them with one more thing to fight for.”
“I was worried it would make me weak, but I was wrong. I feel stronger. I’ll need to be. There are things coming—I can’t see clearly, but coming. A flame from the north, a madness brewing, a blackened soul behind a mask of innocence. Can you see? A bolt through a faithful heart. The black dragon bringing its long shadow to smother hope. What bargains must be made, what loss suffered, what sacrifice given for the light to burn through the dark?”
Fallon lowered her head. “I can’t see, but I know it’s coming.”
“When it does, we’ll meet it.” Lana took both of Fallon’s hands. “Every one of us.”
“There’s so much more I need to talk to you about. You, Dad, Travis. Ethan, too. Even before we meet with the rest of the commanders, and the New Hope Originals.”
Lana looked over as the door opened. Simon came in. “You’re in luck. We’ll just—” Something in his face stopped her. “Ethan.”
Simon walked to Lana, laid a hand on her shoulder. “He’s fine. He headed over to Eddie’s. Babe, it’s Joe.”
“Oh. I’ll—”
“Lana, Ethan says it’s time.”
“Oh no. But—”
“He said Joe’s ready. He just needs Eddie to let him go.”
Tears swam into Lana’s eyes. “I need to be there.”
“Go.” Fallon stood. “You go. We’ll finish making dinner. Go be with Joe.”
Lana didn’t hesitate, she didn’t rush for her coat. She flashed.
She found Eddie, Fred, all the kids sitting on the floor of the living room in the farmhouse. Joe’s head rested in Eddie’s lap. Ethan, her strong, sweet boy, knelt, stroking a hand over Joe as the dog’s breath labored in and out.
She knelt beside him, laid a hand on the old, faithful dog. And knew her son was right. It was time. She met Eddie’s eyes, and her heart broke at the hope in them.
“He won’t eat. Maybe you could…”
“He’s so tired, and everything aches.” Ethan spoke gently, stroking, stroking. “He won’t leave you until you say it’s okay. He’ll fight not to rest because the love’s so strong. He still dreams. He dreams of chasing balls and sticks, and going for long walks, playing with you, with kids.”
With hands gentle, tireless, Ethan comforted the dog, read Joe’s heart. “Jem and Scout and Hobo run and play, but he can only watch. He wants to run again, play again, but he won’t unless you tell him it’s okay. He misses Lupa, and knows Lupa’s waiting for him, waiting to wrestle with him and run with him. But you need to tell him he can go.”
“Do you believe that?” Eddie swiped at the tears on his cheeks. “That he’ll go somewhere he can run and chase balls, play with Lupa. Do you really believe that?”
“I know that. Our Harper and Lee are there now. They want to meet him.”
“Can he have a red ball?” Willow buried her curly red head against her mother’s shoulder. “Can he please have a red ball?”
“Of course he can.” Weeping, Fred pressed a kiss to Willow’s hair. She took Eddie’s hand, kissed it.
“Okay. Okay. Y’all say good-bye now.” Eddie took a breath as Joe looked up at him with eyes full of love and trust. “You saved my life. I guess we saved each other. We’ve sure had some adventures, haven’t we, boy? You go ahead now. You take a rest, and let it all go. Then you find Lupa, and meet Harper and Lee, and all the rest. You chase yourself some squirrels.”
Joe licked Eddie’s hand and on a sigh, he went to sleep.
Later, as she walked back home in a borrowed coat, she put an arm around Ethan’s shoulders. “He couldn’t have done it, couldn’t have let Joe go, without you, Ethan. I’m not sure I could have, either.”
“I didn’t want to let him go, but he needed to.” He glanced back. “They’re lighting candles in the windows to help him find his way.”
“We’ll light them, too. Look.” She gestured ahead. “We already have.”
“He’ll come back, you know. Find his way back after a while. Back to Eddie. People do, some animals do, when they love enough.”
He looked at her. It gave Lana a jolt to realize her baby boy now stood eye to eye with her. “It’s why they can’t beat us. I don’t know why they want to kill us, destroy everything that’s good. I can feel what they feel, but I can’t understand it. I know they can hurt us, take from us, but they can’t beat us because we can love a good dog enough to let him go even when it hurts. They can burn the land, but we’ll plant it. They can burn it again, but we’ll plant it again. They can’t stop us. They can’t win.”