He stirred, as though about to reach for her, then stopped.
“Is everything okay?” he asked gently.
His question only induced more tears. She loved that about him…how he could be so gentle and supportive. How he cared about her feelings.
Why had she agreed to greenlight that stupid addendum and the noncompete? Because part of her wanted to fire him on the spot and throw herself at him, yet she couldn’t do that to him. What kind of monster would she be if she took him away from his dream job at his mentor’s brewery? They wouldn’t be able to be together anyway, because the noncompete clause would force him to leave Asheville and Dottie and his friends, everything that had given him the stability he’d needed after his mother abandoned him.
Dottie, being Dottie, had let that slip while they were planning the employee party, like she presumed River had already shared one of his deepest wounds with her. She hadn’t told Dottie the truth—that he’d only hinted at what his mother had done—not that the older woman had given her a chance. She’d dropped it as a throwaway line—“After Esmerelda up and left River like a dress that doesn’t fit anymore, he was lost for a while”—and then Dottie had moved on to suggesting they get sparklers for the party for everyone to wave around, which Georgie had gently nixed by suggesting they try mini flashlights instead.
Georgie and River had worked together for two weeks now, seeing each other for hours nearly every day, and the more she got to know him, the more she liked him as a person. Why couldn’t she settle for having him in her life as a friend? A valued colleague?
Because she selfishly wanted more.
Being with River—but not with him—was torture, which was beyond stupid. Georgie usually had a backbone of steel. Just last year, after realizing she’d gained several pounds eating a gourmet ice cream she’d discovered and loved, she’d given it up out of sheer willpower. When Georgie set her mind to something, she did it. So why was it different with River?
This new side of herself scared her witless. She didn’t recognize it, and she sure didn’t trust it.
But River was standing in front of her—at her request—waiting for her to say something.
Get yourself together, Georgie.
She forced a smile, wiping a tear that streaked down her face, but keeping her gaze on Beau’s temporary grave marker. “Sorry,” she said with a laugh. “I had a difficult call with Adalia.”
He straightened as though he was ready to spring into action. “Is she okay? Do you need anything?”
His response only drew more tears to her eyes. Why did he have to be so damn amazing? She shook her head. “No, she’s fine, I think. Or at least that’s what she tells me.”
Because that’s what Buchanans did. They stuffed all their real emotions down and told the world they were fine. They lied to each other and they lied to themselves. Only the lies weren’t working for Georgie anymore.
She took a breath and forced herself to look up at him. “I’d invited her to come to Asheville this weekend, but she said she couldn’t get away. I’d hoped that she’d come for the parties.” Then, before she could stop herself, she added, “So I wouldn’t have to do this alone.” Another tear fell down her cheek, but she left this one, because she knew more were close behind. “So I’d have someone here.”
“You’re not alone,” River said quietly, his hands fisted at his sides. “You have my aunt and Tom. You have the other employees—they love you, you know. And it’s because of you, not because you’re Beau’s granddaughter. They’d walk to the end of the earth to help you get things going again, because they see your excitement and your belief in the brewery.”
He was partially wrong. While she did believe in the brewery, she believed in him more. Who was she kidding? River Reeves was the heart and soul of the new and improved Buchanan Brewery, because without the beer, what was there? Yet here he was, trying to give her the glory. She turned away, guilt eating at her. The brewery was supposed to be his. Why had her grandfather changed his mind?
She realized now that’s why she’d come. To ask Beau why. She hadn’t understood the pull to the cemetery, yet she’d followed her gut, because it rarely steered her wrong. Still, when she thought about trusting it to tell her how to handle River, she only felt like barfing.
Maybe that was a sign in itself.
But she realized now that River hadn’t included himself on that list.
More tears fell.
“What can I do to help you, Georgie?” he asked, his voice sounding strangled.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry I kept you.” Then she realized she’d interrupted his moment of reflection with Beau. She was the interloper. “In fact, you stay. I’ll come back to pay my respects another time.”
She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her to his chest, wrapping an arm around her back and holding her close. She sank into him, needing his comfort. She wrapped her arms around his back and held on for dear life.
His rapid pulse pounded in her ear, the only sign that this was affecting him as much as it was affecting her.
They stood like that for nearly half a minute, not saying a word, not making any movement except for Georgie’s soft cries.
Tell him you’ll tear up the addendum. But she couldn’t. If she felt this much pain denying herself a relationship with him, how much more would it hurt if he left her one day? If their one night was any indication of what was possible, she wasn’t sure she’d survive it. River was a good man. The kind of man you built a life with. What if she built her life with him, and it all crumbled? Would she be like her mother?
Because that was Georgie’s biggest fear—that she’d become her mother, the person she’d loved most in the world—and if all the other ugly thoughts didn’t make her a monster, that one surely did.
She took a step back and stared up at him, grateful for her new resolve. River may not have included himself in the list of people who were there for her, but he’d just proven he was. She didn’t have to lose him. Look at River and Maisie. It was obvious she was in love with him—took one to know one—yet they were still friends. Georgie could manage it too. She just needed to push through. It would get easier with time.
“You’re a great friend, River, and I’m grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for being here for me.”
Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone too quickly for her to read it. He smiled. “Of course, Georgie. You’re not alone, okay?”
She nodded and stuck out her hand. “Friends?”
He lowered his gaze to her hand as he took it, his warm fingers enveloping hers. “Friends.”
As he turned and walked away, she couldn’t help thinking she was letting go of the very best thing to ever come into her life.
Maybe she was her mother after all. Choosing to stay in a loveless marriage. Or letting the love of your life go. What was the difference when they both caused so much pain?
In the end, choose business, her head reminded her.
So why did it ring so hollow?
Chapter Thirty
It had felt like Beau was answering him, Georgie showing up like that. And then, for a few brief moments, she’d let him hold her the way he’d been itching to do. It had felt like the sun was shining on him after a long day of darkness. It had felt like coming home.