“You know why, Merrick.”
“All I know is that it felt right, Adalynn.”
It did. It felt so right. It felt perfect.
That didn’t change the fact that she was dying.
“We shouldn’t,” she said again.
Merrick frowned, and his nostrils flared with a heavy exhalation. “Do you plan to spend your last days denying yourself pleasure? Denying your desires? Denying life? This place is a chance for you to reach out and take whatever is within your grasp simply because you want to.”
Adalynn stared at him, throat tight, heart heavy.
Why now? Why, when the world had changed and her time was limited, did she have to find someone like him—a man who made her feel more alive than she’d ever felt before? A man whose voice made her shiver, whose gaze made her melt, whose touch set her body ablaze.
It was…unfair.
Why not give in to him? Why not give in to what she wanted, to what they both wanted? She was immensely drawn to Merrick. But could they keep their relationship purely physical? Could they keep themselves from forming a deeper, emotional connection?
Adalynn wasn’t sure she could.
What if he couldn’t? She already knew Danny would be devastated when she was gone, and she didn’t want to leave behind another person who’d be hurt by her inevitable passing.
“I need time to think,” she said, turning away from him and walking toward the piano. She pressed the Stop button on the cassette player, silencing the music. Picking the player up, she returned it to her pack and closed the zipper. She felt Merrick’s eyes on her back as she picked up her bag and stepped into her boots.
She looked at Merrick just as a flash of lightning lit the window behind him, turning him briefly into a shadowy, featureless figure—with two intense blue eyes. The effect faded quickly, and he was just Merrick again, frowning as he stared at her—but not visibly upset or angry.
Thunder rattled the windows.
“Whatever you require, Adalynn,” he said, “simply let me know.”
She hurried across the room, her boots thumping heavily on the floor, and paused in the doorway. “Thank you again, Merrick. For letting us stay.”
Merrick slipped his hands into his pockets and nodded. “It is my pleasure.”
But his eyes said, It could be your pleasure, as well.
She left him there. Whatever had transpired between them, she didn’t regret it. She would never regret the kiss they’d shared. Her only regret was that, no matter what she chose, there couldn’t be many more of those kisses in the future.
Chapter Seven
The storm thankfully broke on the seventh day—if it had continued any longer, Adalynn would have been driven to harm her brother. Being cooped up indoors was making him stir crazy. He chattered, he whined, and he hounded her endlessly to talk and play games with him, desperate for something to fill the time. And, of course, Adalynn often gave in to his demands.
Fortunately, Danny was self-aware enough to know he risked getting into trouble if he didn’t find productive ways to occupy himself. He understood that the food and shelter Merrick was providing were too important, that their situation was too good, for him to screw up because he was bored.
When he wasn’t pestering Adalynn, he’d often sought Merrick’s company. Sometimes he’d pace in front of the study, brimming with impatience, only to burst into a torrent of questions and banter with Merrick as soon as the man emerged. Danny had grown attached to Merrick fairly quickly, and Merrick, for all his potential gruffness, was patient with the boy—sometimes, he was almost fatherly.
Since they were officially living here, Danny had claimed the bedroom next to Adalynn’s. She was proud that he was establishing some independence—they’d been inseparable for six months, and she knew how much he suffered, how terrified he was when he woke from a nightmare in the dead of night. But she couldn’t help worrying about him. She’d taken comfort in his nearness, in knowing he was an arm’s length away. In knowing he was safe.
This morning, the sun had broken through the clouds for the first time in six full days, bringing a welcome reprieve from the storm. Adalynn had drawn the curtains after waking, sat on the edge of the bed, and basked in the golden sunlight streaming through the window. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been able to sit and enjoy the sun. It wasn’t merely a matter of the weather having shifted after the Sundering—most days were cloudy and gray, it seemed, though no less hot during the summer—but a matter of survival. It had been too dangerous to relax for so much as a moment, too dangerous to take pleasure even in these simple things.
During breakfast, Merrick had said, “It’s finally time for the idle teen to earn his keep.”
Danny—who’d been bouncing in his seat as though he were ready to leap out of it—had stilled, and a huge grin spread across his face.
Merrick expressed some disappointment; he’d hoped for dismay, for dragging feet, for complaints. Danny’s enthusiasm had thrown the man off. Adalynn had made no effort to hold in her laughter.
They’d donned rubber boots—much too large for Adalynn and Danny, but at least they’d be dry—and thick gloves, had gathered several baskets and various gardening tools, and exited the manor through the back door in the kitchen. She’d pulled her hair into a ponytail, and both she and Danny wore baseball caps to shield their faces from the sun. Adalynn had even taken out her bottle of slightly expired sunblock and slathered it over her and Danny’s exposed skin, much to the boy’s annoyance.
Now, Merrick was leading them toward the towering hedge wall that had seemed so dark and impenetrable when she’d looked out the back window that first night. It was overgrown and unkept, but in her mind’s eye she could picture how it must’ve looked while it had been neatly trimmed. Everything out here had, at some point long ago, been as well-cared for as the interior of the manor was currently.
The outward appearance of Merrick’s home was intentional; she hadn’t asked him about it, but she knew it all the same. It looked run-down and abandoned to keep people away. In hindsight, Adalynn was glad they’d ignored her instincts when they found this place. This time, it had paid off.
Merrick led them through an arched opening in the hedge. Another tall wall of shrubbery stood before them. Was this a hedge maze? She supposed that was one way to keep Danny occupied for a while, but how would this be earning his keep?
But she understood when they rounded the first corner. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched as she looked out over the largest garden she’d ever seen. Neat rows of crops were planted in squared patches across the entire space—all contained within the high outer hedge walls of what must’ve been a maze in the past.
There were tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans, peas, corn, carrots, a variety of squashes, raspberries, blackberries, several types of peppers—including colorful bell peppers—a few fruit trees, and at least a dozen other things she couldn’t easily identify. Pipes and tubes ran in precise lines around and through the crops—irrigation, she realized after a moment. Even with the jars of home-canned goods in his pantry—all of which must’ve come from here—it seemed far too much for one person to ever eat.